Lessons on Manners Part 4
We should speak of people as Mr., Mrs., or Miss, except with intimate friends, giving particular t.i.tles when proper, and never allude to any one as "Old Smith," or "Old Miss Jones."
To make ill-natured remarks about the absent shows a want of good-breeding as well as good feeling.
No one should make himself conspicuous in company by loud laughing and talking. To make remarks intended to be overheard, especially remarks meant to be funny, is clownish,--and to be a society clown is a very low ambition.
We must not interrupt one who is speaking, and must pay attention to remarks addressed to the company. If a person is speaking to us we ought to listen attentively, even if we are not interested, and not hurt his feelings by letting our eyes wander from him or showing other signs of impatience. A good listener is as welcome in society as a good talker, and often more so, because every one who talks likes to be listened to with appreciative attention.
Those who have read "The Wide, Wide World" will remember an instance of little Ellen Montgomery's good-breeding in this respect, when she was visiting at Ventnor.
"Ellen is a fascinating child," said Mrs. Gillespie, "I cannot comprehend where she gets the manners she has. I never saw a more perfectly polite little girl."
"I have noticed the same thing often," said Miss Sophia. "Did you observe her last night when John Humphreys came in? You were talking to her at the moment. Before the door was opened, I saw her color come and her eyes sparkle, but she did not look towards him for an instant till you had finished what you were saying to her, and she had given, as she always does, her modest, quiet answer, and then her eye went straight as an arrow to where he was standing."
When any one is reading aloud, playing, or singing, we ought to give him the same close attention we would wish to receive if we were in his place. Talking or moving about at such times is unpardonably rude, and also looking at the clock as if we were impatient for the performer to finish.
We should never interrupt with questions or remarks a person engaged in reading or writing, and to look over the shoulder of one so employed is impertinent.
If letters are brought to us, we should not open and read them in company unless they require immediate attention, when we should ask to be excused for doing so.
We should give interested attention to books, pictures, views, or games shown us for our entertainment, and express pleasure and admiration when we can with truth. If an article or a letter is given us to read, we should not hand it back without remark, or begin to read something else, as is often done by people who ought to know better, but we should thank the one who showed it to us, speak of it politely, and if there is anything about it we can commend, do so.
If we have occasion to make an inquiry of a stranger, we should preface it with, "Excuse me," "Pardon me," or, "I beg your pardon," unless we use the simpler form, "Will you please tell me," in beginning our question.
It is ill-bred to contradict, especially if the one addressed be an older person. If a person says in our hearing that the lecture was given Thursday evening, when it was really Wednesday, or that Miss Green was at the concert with Miss White when we know that Miss Gray was her companion, it is not our place to embarra.s.s the speaker by setting him right. If we are appealed to, or if there is good reason why we should correct the statement, we should do so politely, with an apology for the correction.
We ought to be willing in company to contribute our share to the general entertainment. Unless we are willing to give as well as receive, we had better stay at home. It is ill-mannered to read aloud, sing, or play to others unless we are invited to do so; but if a request is made, it is much more polite and agreeable to the company for us to comply cheerfully, and do the best we can, than to wait for much urging and then to burden the listeners with apologies before we begin. If we do not feel able to do what is asked of us, we should politely but positively decline at first.
If games are proposed, unless there is some good reason for our doing so, it is not polite to decline taking part, saying, "I will see the rest play." If all did this, n.o.body would be entertained. It is much more the part of good manners to enter heartily into the amus.e.m.e.nt of the hour, and do our best to make it a success.
It is this spirit of readiness to help on things that makes useful members of society, and the more earnestly boys and girls cultivate it the more fit they will be for their duties as citizens. We ought not to be content to be ciphers anywhere. As significant figures, we shall be of more value in the world, be happier ourselves, and make others happier.
LESSON VIII.
OUTLINE FOR BLACKBOARD
MANNERS AT CHURCH.
_Punctuality._ _Manner of entering._ _Courtesy toward ladies._ _Courtesy toward strangers._ _Whispering, laughing, and moving about._ _Dress at church._ _Turning the head to see who comes in._ _Attention to the service._ _Dropping hymn-books._ _Manner of leaving._
LESSON VIII.
MANNERS AT CHURCH.
WE should try never to be late at church; it is a disrespect to the place and the worship; it breaks in upon the service, takes the attention of people from it, and disturbs the minister. If we are late, we must not go in during prayer time, but wait near the door.
We should enter a church quietly and soberly. Boys should be as particular as gentlemen to remove their hats at the door, not half-way up the aisle, and to open the pew door for ladies to pa.s.s in first. If they are in the pew beforehand, they should rise and pa.s.s out for ladies to enter.
When a seat is given us in a strange church, we should not take it without acknowledgment. We should welcome strangers to our pew, hand them a book with the place found, and invite them to come again. If we notice any one near us who cannot find the hymn or place to read, we should quietly pa.s.s him our open book.
It is worse to whisper or laugh in church than anywhere else, for it is not only ill-bred but irreverent. We should avoid moving about in our pews, looking around at people, opening or shutting books, and whatever disturbs the quiet of the place.
It is not in good taste to wear much jewelry at church, or showy articles of any kind that will attract attention. A house of worship is no place for striking effects in costume, such as might be proper at a party or place of amus.e.m.e.nt.
We often see persons in church turn their heads whenever the door is opened, to see who is coming in. Such a disregard of good manners well deserved the rebuke it received once from a Scotch minister, who, annoyed by this habit, astonished his congregation one Sunday morning by announcing to them the name of each late comer as he entered.
If we cannot give respectful attention to the service, we had better stay at home, and not disturb those who go to church to worship.
The clergyman is often annoyed by the dropping of hymn-books or prayer-books noisily into the rack, especially at the close of the last hymn, when he is waiting to p.r.o.nounce the benediction. This might be done as well and better without any noise whatever.
It is rude in the extreme to seize hats and rush for the door as soon as the last word is said, or to engage at once in idle chatter and laughter. There should be a reverent pause, and then we should pa.s.s slowly and quietly down the aisle. It is ill-bred to seem in haste to be gone. Unless we can sit through the service with patience, we should not attend it. Looking at the clock or taking out one's watch during service comes under the same condemnation as leaving with unbecoming haste at the close.
LESSON IX.
OUTLINE FOR BLACKBOARD.
MANNERS AT PLACES OF AMUs.e.m.e.nT.
_Punctuality._ _Finding seats._ _Waiting with quietness._ _Gazing about and making criticisms._ _Talking and laughing,--story._ _Looking at watches and clocks._ _Applause._ _Doing fancy work._ _Courtesy to others._ _Time and manner of leaving._
LESSON IX.
MANNERS AT PLACES OF AMUs.e.m.e.nT.
WHEN we attend a lecture, concert, or other entertainment, we should go in season: to enter after the performance begins is a discourtesy to the performers and an annoyance to every person in the audience. If we are obliged to be late, we should wait for a favorable time, and then be seated quickly and quietly.
When there is a choice of seats we have a right to take the best that remain when we arrive; but this right offers no excuse for us to push and elbow other people, or to obtain such seats by crowding others aside. It is better to have the poorest seat in the house or none at all than to sacrifice good manners and self-respect. We often see disgraceful exhibitions of selfishness at entertainments on the part of people who pride themselves at home and in company on their politeness.