Lessons on Manners Part 5
If we are too early, or if there is delay in commencing, we should wait with well-bred quietness. Nothing marks more surely the ill-bred person than noisy demonstrations of impatience at waiting. This is one of the occasions to practise the graceful sitting still which has been spoken of in the lesson on manners in society.
It is not polite to gaze at those around us, still less to make remarks about them or their dress.
Loud talking and laughing, and all conduct calculated to make ourselves conspicuous, should be avoided. The people who attract attention in these ways will be likely to eat candy, nuts, and popped corn while the exercises are going on, and to violate propriety in other ways.
Whispering during a performance is an offence against good manners; yet it is surprising how common the offence is. School children know how the visitors on examination days often talk to each other throughout the exercises, to the great disturbance of the whole school as well as the teacher, and this recollection ought to make them more careful to avoid the impoliteness themselves. Many people seem to attend places of amus.e.m.e.nt for the sole purpose of talking with their friends. They will hold long discussions upon dress, cooking, and family matters, as if no music or speaking were in progress, and as if no one else cared to hear more than they. If we do not go to a concert to hear the music, we have no right there; and the same is true at all public entertainments.
It is related of Margaret Fuller that at one of Jenny Lind's concerts her evening's enjoyment was destroyed by some rude young people who whispered incessantly, laughed at each other's foolish jokes, and paid no attention to the wonderful music. At the close of the concert she sent for the young girl whose behavior had been most noticeable to come to her. The girl was much flattered by the request from so distinguished a person, though she was at a loss to account for it. As she appeared with an air of pleased curiosity, Margaret Fuller said to her, "I hope that never again in your life will you be the cause of so much annoyance and pain to any one as you have been to me this evening."
It is to be hoped that this rebuke, with the good advice given with it to this thoughtless girl, was a lesson in good manners which she and her companions never forgot.
To take out one's watch or to turn the head to look at the clock is like saying we are impatient to go, and must be disturbing to the speaker. If it is necessary for us to look at a watch, we should do so without its being seen, and should stifle in our pockets the click of shutting it.
It is rude to applaud noisily: we can be enthusiastic in applause without being boisterous.
Some ladies have a habit of carrying fancy work to places of amus.e.m.e.nt.
If they knit or crochet before the performance begins, it is a foolish parade of industry which is probably not carried out at home; but if they continue the occupation after one begins to sing or speak or read, it is impertinent, and extremely annoying to the speaker. It seems like saying that his words are not worthy of undivided attention, but are of so little consequence that one can take in their meaning and beauty while counting st.i.tches and studying patterns.
We should be mindful of little courtesies to those near us, such as handing our programme or opera-gla.s.s to one who has none. If a question is asked about the performance, we should answer with cordial politeness and cheerfully give any information we can.
We should never leave the hall while the performance is going on. It is, like coming in late, an affront to the performers and to the audience.
Usually, if we cannot stay until the close, we should stay away. If there is any urgent reason, such as taking a train, for our leaving before the close, we should do so between the parts of a performance, and as noiselessly as possible. When we stay to the end we should remain seated and give our attention until the last word is uttered. The speaker usually keeps his best effort for the close, and he should not be embarra.s.sed, or those listening be disturbed, by the confusion of preparations for departure. To reach the door a minute or two sooner, or to get the best seats in a car, is not worth the rudeness it requires.
We shall never be guilty of it if we only apply the Golden Rule and consider how we should feel in the speaker's place.
LESSON X.
OUTLINE FOR BLACKBOARD.
MANNERS IN STORES AND SIMILAR PUBLIC PLACES.
_Shutting doors._ _How to ask for articles in stores._ _Making trouble for clerks._ _Handling goods._ _Finding fault with articles or prices._ _Courtesy to other customers._ _Courtesy to clerks._ _Conduct in the post-office,--entering in crowds, not waiting for others, noise and rudeness._ _Visiting railroad stations._ _Two things to consider._
LESSON X.
MANNERS IN STORES AND SIMILAR PUBLIC PLACES.
ON entering or leaving a store in cold weather we should consider the comfort of those behind the counters and shut the door, if there is no one whose business it is to do it for us. We ought to state clearly and definitely what we want to buy, and patiently explain if the clerk, through inexperience or dulness, does not at first understand our request.
A good supply of patience and politeness is needed in shopping, and a true lady or gentleman will not lose temper or forget good manners, even if a clerk is impertinent or disobliging.
We should not make unnecessary trouble for clerks by asking them to take down and unfold piece after piece of goods for us to examine, if we have no intention of buying. Many ladies do this habitually, because they enjoy it, and then wonder that the clerks are not more polite. If we wish merely to examine before buying at some future time, it is better to say so, and then the merchant or clerk will not be disappointed if we do not purchase.
We should handle delicate fabrics in stores as carefully as if they were our own, and not tumble them over, leaving ribbons and laces in tangled heaps, especially if we do not buy.
We should not find fault with the quality of articles. If we are not satisfied, it is enough to say that the goods do not suit us, without making disparaging remarks to the clerk, who has no responsibility in the matter.
It is a sign of ignorance and ill-breeding to haggle over the price of a thing and try to induce the seller to take less for it. In Oriental countries, it is said, the dealer always asks at first four times the price he expects to receive, but in our country this is not customary, and the price stated is supposed to be fair and final. If we think the article is not worth the price, or if it is beyond our means, it is best to say we do not wish to pay so much and leave it. If the dealer can afford to sell it cheaper, and will do so for the sake of our buying, it is his place to offer it for less, not ours to ask. If he asks more than a thing is worth, hoping to take advantage of our need of it or our ignorance, he ought to be punished by our refusal to buy.
We should wait our turn at a counter and regard the convenience of others as well as ourselves. It is not polite to demand the attention of a clerk who is waiting upon another customer, or to take up what another is looking at. If we are in great haste, and customers who seem to have plenty of time are at the counter before us, we may sometimes ask their permission to be waited on while they are looking at goods, apologizing for doing so. If we are sitting at a counter, we should politely give our seat to an older lady, or to one who looks weary.
If a clerk takes uncommon pains to please us, or puts himself to more trouble than we have a right to expect, we must not forget to thank him.
If customers are polite and considerate, they seldom have reason to complain of those behind the counter. The same is true at post-offices, railroad stations, and wherever we are served by others.
These general principles of politeness in stores can be applied in all similar public places.
The post-office is often the scene of most unmannerly conduct on the part of boys and girls, especially just after the close of school, when they all rush in for letters. Instead of quietly walking up to the window, one at a time, the boys giving way to the girls when there is but one place of delivery, and both boys and girls waiting for older people, they are apt to go in by dozens, crowding to the window and clamoring for their letters, making themselves extremely annoying to all grown people present.
We should say, "I would like a dozen stamps, if you please," or, "Please weigh this letter," rather than, "I want a dozen stamps," or, "Weigh this letter, will you?"
The post-office is a place of business, like a store or a bank. Our only object in going there is to mail or receive letters, which we should do like any other business,--in a quiet, respectable manner. No one has a right to stand around in the way of others, or to make it a place of idle resort. No well-bred person, even a child, will indulge in loud laughing and talking, staring at or making remarks about people, or other conspicuous behavior here or in any public resort.
A railroad station is also a place of business, and unless it is necessary for us to go there, we had better stay away. In small towns it is quite a fashion for boys and girls to go to the station "to see the cars come in"; but it is not improving to their manners or morals. If they could realize, especially the girls, how out of place they appear standing on platforms, where they have no occasion to be, jostled by pa.s.sengers and baggage-men, and exposed to the rude remarks of pa.s.sers-by, they would never go there unnecessarily.
In all public places we should consider, in reference to our conduct, two things: first, the courtesy we owe to others; and second, the respect we owe to ourselves.
LESSON XI.
OUTLINE FOR BLACKBOARD.
MANNERS IN TRAVELLING.
_Politeness in the waiting-room._ _Buying a ticket._ _Getting on and off the cars._ _Obtaining and occupying seats._ _Offering seats to ladies._ _Leaving seats temporarily._ _Talking, laughing, and eating._ _Taking a seat with another._ _Courtesy toward officials._ _Courtesy toward fellow-travellers._ _Conduct if delays occur._ _Behavior at places for refreshment._ _A French boy's politeness in travelling._
LESSON XI.
MANNERS IN TRAVELLING.