Lessons on Manners Part 3
OUTLINE FOR BLACKBOARD.
MANNERS AT THE TABLE.
_Promptness in coming to the table._ _When to be seated._ _Waiting one's turn to be helped._ _Beginning to eat before others._ _Asking for articles of food,--how, when, and where._ _Criticism of food on the table._ _Use of napkin, knife, fork, and spoon._ _Haste in eating._ _Attention to wants of others._ _Conduct in case of accidents._ _Mention of unpleasant subjects._ _Use of toothpick._ _When and how to leave the table._ _Quietness of movement._ _Observance of table manners in others._
LESSON VI.
MANNERS AT THE TABLE.
IT is not polite to linger after being called to the table. When the bell is rung, or any other summons given, it is to be supposed that the meal is ready, and the call should be promptly obeyed. Food does not improve by waiting, and unnecessary delay is rudeness to the persons at whose table we sit, whether our own parents or strangers. When we know the hours for meals we should plan to be ready for them.
Until the lady of the house takes her seat, other persons should not take theirs. In taking our seats we should be careful not to jar the table.
Each one should quietly wait his turn to be helped. Children sometimes pa.s.s their plates as soon as they are seated, or begin to handle knife, fork, and spoon as if they were in hungry haste. They should wait for visitors and older persons to be helped first, and brothers should wait for their sisters. A story is told of a little girl, five years old, who at a large dinner party was overlooked until the company had finished the first course. She waited before her empty plate in perfect quietness until some one noticed her,--bravely trying to keep back the tears,--because she thought it was the polite and proper thing to do.
This was carrying polite waiting further than was necessary, but was much better than the rude haste too common among children.
It is polite to wait until all or nearly all are helped before beginning to eat; and children should never begin before older people.
It is not polite to ask for things at other tables than our own or those of intimate friends who expect it of us. The persons at whose table we sit are expected to supply our wants without our making them known. In asking we must not forget to say, "Please pa.s.s the bread," or whatever we wish for, and to say, "If you please," "Yes, thank you," or "No, thank you," when we accept or decline what is offered. We should ask for any article by name, and never point at the dish. Ill-mannered children sometimes ask for pie or pudding or oranges before they are brought on, instead of waiting for the courses in their proper order, and even have been known to make their entire dinner on the dessert. One is apt to think such children are not accustomed to dainties in their own homes, or they would not be so greedy for them.
We should never say, "I don't like that," if something is offered we do not wish to eat, but simply decline it beforehand or leave it upon our plates without remark; and under no circ.u.mstances should we criticise what is on the table.
There is a proper, graceful way to handle napkin, knife, fork, and spoon, and we should study to learn this way and to avoid the clumsy awkwardness in these little things that marks the person unused to good society.
To eat fast is one of the bad habits of American people which we ought to avoid. If acquired in childhood, it will be hard to overcome, and will cause us much mortification when, later in life, we find ourselves with empty plates long before well-bred people in the company have finished theirs. Since we do not leave the table before others, there is nothing gained, even in time, while much is lost in health and in good manners.
We should be attentive to the wants of others, particularly at our own table, and quietly supply them when it is proper to do so, especially in the case of old people and little children. In pa.s.sing a knife, fork, or spoon to others, we must offer them the handle, not the blade or point, and pa.s.s a pitcher with the handle toward them.
If an accident occurs, such as breaking a dish, overturning a gla.s.s of water, or dropping food upon the cloth, we should take no notice of it by look or word unless we can repair the mischief, which we should do in a way not to attract attention to the unlucky person.
We should never speak of what is unpleasant at the table. If we have bad news to tell, this is not the place to tell it. Sickness, accident, death, and whatever is painful to hear, should not be discussed any more than what is disagreeable. Neither is the table the place to talk of work or business details, but subjects should be chosen that all are interested in. No one should be allowed to scold or find fault at meal time. Cheerful conversation is good for digestion as well as enjoyment.
Each one should be in his best mood at the table, and the hours which families spend together there ought to be among the happiest of the day.
Solomon understood this matter when he said, "Better is a dinner of herbs where love is, than a stalled ox and hatred therewith."
No well-bred person would for a moment think of using a toothpick at the table, still less a fork or a pin in place of a toothpick.
No one, either a grown person or a child, should leave his seat until the lady of the house rises, unless there is good reason for doing so, when he should politely ask her to excuse him. In rising, the chair should not be pushed back from the table, but lifted quietly with the hands, and left in its proper position. Every movement at the table should be made with as little noise as possible. All moving of feet, leaning upon the table, jostling of dishes, or clatter of knives and forks, shows ignorance of table manners.
If we observe the manners and customs of others in society to which we have not been accustomed, we shall be often saved from blunders. If those in company with us make mistakes, we should be governed by the same rule as in case of accidents,--not take notice unless we can undo or cover the mistake. An incident is related of a certain king which ill.u.s.trates this true politeness.
At the royal table on one occasion were two ladies from an obscure provincial town who were unused to the customs of city and court. When tea was brought in they poured some from the cup into the saucer to cool it. The king saw a smile go around the table at their expense, and, with politeness worthy of a king, he hastened to pour his own tea into the saucer, upon which every person at the table felt obliged to follow the royal example, and the two strangers were spared the mortification of discovering that they had done anything unusual.
LESSON VII.
OUTLINE FOR BLACKBOARD.
MANNERS IN SOCIETY.
_Entering and taking leave._ _Removal of hat and care of wrappings._ _Various courtesies._ _Staring at or speaking of defects and infirmities._ _Treatment of accidents and mistakes._ _Whispering, laughing, and private conversation._ _Attention to one's dress or matters of toilet._ _Sitting still gracefully._ _Inattention to the company we are in._ _Introductions._ _Giving proper t.i.tles._ _Attention in conversation,--ill.u.s.tration._ _Attention to reading or music._ _Looking over another's shoulder._ _Reading letters._ _Interest in what is shown us._ _Asking questions of strangers._ _Contradicting statements._ _Doing our part._
LESSON VII.
MANNERS IN SOCIETY.
WHEN we make a call upon a friend, we should speak to each person in the room when we enter and when we leave, but at a party or other formal gathering it is not necessary to take leave of any except the host and hostess, to whom we must also speak as soon as we arrive. A visit is a more important matter than a call, and at its close, we should take pains to bid good by to each one of the household, expressing to those who have entertained us, when we can do so with truth, our enjoyment of the visit, and our wish to have them visit us.
It is polite to write as soon as possible to those whom we have been visiting: they wish to know of our safe arrival at home; and a letter also gives us opportunity to say any pleasant thing about the visit that we may have forgotten or omitted.
Upon entering any house a gentleman or gentlemanly boy will remove his hat, and never allow it upon his head inside the door.
When the streets are muddy or snowy, we should carefully wipe our feet or remove our overshoes at the door; and in stormy weather we must take care that dripping waterproofs and umbrellas are put where they will not injure carpets or paper.
When the company are putting on their wrappings to go home, it is polite to offer a.s.sistance, particularly to those older than ourselves.
A gentleman should allow a lady to pa.s.s through a door before him, holding it open for her. We ought not to pa.s.s in front of others if we can go behind them; but if it is necessary to do so, we should ask them to excuse us. A gentleman should go upstairs before a lady, and behind her coming down, taking care not to step on her dress.
If a handkerchief or other article is dropped, we should hasten to pick it up and restore it to the owner. In handing a pair of scissors, a knife, or any pointed article, we ought to turn the point toward ourselves.
It is rude to stare at people in company, especially if they are unfortunate in any way or peculiar in appearance; neither is it polite to allude to a personal defect or ask a question about its cause, even in the kindest manner. The same rule applies here as in case of family misfortune or bereavement, that if persons suffering the affliction wish it mentioned, they will speak of it first themselves. To do as we would be done by is the rule of real politeness in all these cases.
If an accident happens to persons or their dress, or if their dress is out of order, if we can give a.s.sistance we should do so in a quiet way without attracting attention; if we cannot be of use, we should take no notice of the misfortune. The same principle of good-breeding will keep us from laughing at mistakes or accidents.
To exchange glances with another, to whisper, or to laugh unless others know what we are laughing at, is even ruder than to stare, and no one who is polite will do these things. In company is not the place to tell secrets or carry on personal or private conversation.
We should see that our dress is in order before we enter the room, and then neither think nor speak of it. To look in the gla.s.s, smooth one's gloves and laces, or play with rings or chain, seems like calling attention to our dress, and is in bad taste. It would seem unnecessary here or anywhere to say that attention to finger-nails, which is a matter of the toilet for one's chamber, is inexcusable, if we did not sometimes see persons in the presence of others take out pocket-knives for this purpose.
It is a common saying that people unused to society do not know what to do with their hands and feet. The best direction that can be given is to do nothing. Let them take easy positions of themselves, and think no more about them. To sit still gracefully is an accomplishment worth acquiring, and it should be studied by boys and girls as well as grown people. The necessity for it comes so often in life that we should learn to do it well. We should not sit on the edge or corner of a chair, or tilt it backward or forward.
Drumming with the fingers on tables or chairs, rocking rapidly back and forth, or looking out of the window, as if we were more interested in things outside than in those in the room, should never be done. It is well said that "if in company we are absent in mind, we had better be absent in body." "Forget yourself" is one of the best and broadest precepts of good behavior; but we should never forget others.
It is often our duty in society to introduce persons to each other, and we should study to do this gracefully. It is said of Alice Cary that she had such a happy way of giving introductions as to make each person feel specially honored. We should introduce a gentleman to a lady, saying, "Mr. Smith, Miss Jones," if we use this simplest form of introduction, and not "Miss Jones, Mr. Smith," as is often done. We should introduce a younger person to an older, unless it be one of our own family, when, "My aunt, Mrs. Brown, Miss Jones," is proper. We should introduce strangers to each other at the table and elsewhere before they have time to feel awkward at not being able to speak. Great pains should be taken to p.r.o.nounce distinctly the names of those introduced. Too often each person hears only his own.