Lessons on Manners Part 2
In olden times it was quite common for a young man in writing to his father to address him as "Honored Sir." While these formal modes of speech may be out of place in our time, we should so keep the commandment to honor our parents that its spirit shall be seen in our every-day conduct.
Children should in all things make parents first and themselves last. A boy ought to show his mother every attention that he would to any lady.
He should remove his hat when coming to speak to her, let her pa.s.s through a door before him, pick up any article she may drop, give her the inside of the walk, help her into a carriage, show her into the pew at church, and wait upon her everywhere. He has similar duties to his sisters; but girls cannot expect politeness from, unless they give it to, their brothers.
We should say "Please" when asking a favor from our own family. Children should say "Please" and "Thank you" to servants, and should never laugh at their mistakes or hurt their feelings.
Here is an ill.u.s.tration of two ways of treating a mistake. A servant-girl who had been but a little while in this country had never seen any radishes. When the dinner was sent home from market one day, a bunch of radishes came with the other vegetables. She supposed they were to be cooked like the rest, so she carefully cut off the tops and boiled them, then dished them up on a small white platter, and placed them on the table with a satisfied look. A boy in the family burst into a loud laugh and exclaimed, "I guess you never saw any radishes before, Mary; you've spoilt them." It was necessary then to explain the mistake, which had better been done quietly after dinner; and the poor girl retired in confusion to shed tears of mortification over her ignorance. After dinner this boy's little sister said to a visitor, "The radishes did look so funny and small on the dish that I thought I should laugh, but I knew Mary would feel bad if I did, so I looked at my plate and tried to think of something else."
It is easy to decide which of these children ill.u.s.trated politeness to servants.
If our parents are away when visitors come, or too busy to see them at once, it is our place to show them in politely, take a gentleman's hat, or a lady's wrappings if she wishes to remove them, offer a comfortable chair, show them anything that we think will interest them, and entertain them as well as we can until older people are at liberty. When they are busy with company we should not trouble them with any request that can wait.
If friends of our parents are visiting them, we should do all we can to make the visit pleasant, and should help our mothers even more than usual, that they may have more time for the visitors. If we can take care of younger brothers or sisters, it will often be a great relief to them and the company besides.
A lady once went to visit a friend whom she had not seen for years.
There was much to talk about, and both felt that the afternoon would be all too short. Think how surprised and pleased the visitor was when her friend's little daughter, instead of staying in the room and teasing her mother with all manner of questions, as children often do in such cases, took her baby brother upstairs and amused him until tea-time, so that her mother might have a quiet afternoon with her friend. You may be sure the lady will never forget that little girl's thoughtful politeness.
We should not enter visitors' rooms without knocking, or sit down without being invited; neither should we take up anything belonging to them, or ask questions about it. We should try not to be tiresome or disagreeable.
When young people come to visit us we should remember that their entertainment is our affair. We should treat them precisely as we would want to be treated at their houses. It is rude to criticise their dress or anything belonging to them, or to ask inquisitive questions about their homes. We should talk about the things they are interested in, play the games they like, show them our toys and books, and have regard to their preferences in every occupation and amus.e.m.e.nt.
Home ought to be the happiest place in the world, and the daily practice of genuine politeness toward each other will do much to make it so.
Every little seed of courtesy, kindness, and consideration for others sown in the home circle will spring up and bear many more after its own kind, which shall be scattered, like the seeds in nature, by winds and waters, and shall be a blessing to the world wherever they may fall.
LESSON V.
OUTLINE FOR BLACKBOARD.
MANNERS TOWARD THE AGED.
_Respectful treatment at all times._ _Mistakes in grammar and p.r.o.nunciation._ _Attention to remarks and questions._ _Patience in repeating answers._ _What to talk of and read to them._ _Waiting upon them and saving steps._ _Giving them the best seats._ _Helping them first at table._ _Giving up seats in cars and public places to them._ _Never letting them feel in the way._
LESSON V.
MANNERS TOWARD THE AGED.
NO person, however high his position, is so ent.i.tled to respect and attention as one with white hair and bent figure. No young person of right feeling and good-breeding will ever fail in politeness toward the old. The Bible commands us to reverence the aged, and in one place says, "Thou shalt rise up before the h.o.a.ry head, and honor the face of the old man." Even among the lowest races of men respect for old people is almost universal.
There is a story of an Indian which ill.u.s.trates this. The writer tells us that many years ago, on the banks of the Kennebec River, he saw an Indian coming across in his canoe. He had his wife with him and a very old woman covered with a blanket. When he reached the sh.o.r.e he kindled a fire, took out the old woman in his arms and laid her down tenderly by it. He then cooked some food and gave it to her, while he and his wife waited until she had finished eating. Seeing the gentleman observing him, he pointed to the aged woman and said, "It is my mother."
In China disrespect to the aged is unknown, and disobedience to parents has been punished with death.
We cannot expect to be honored when we are old, unless we honor the old when we are young.
Almost every one has read the story of "The Wooden Bowl," which well ill.u.s.trates what has just been said.
An old man who had a home with his son had become so infirm that he could no longer work. His son treated him unkindly, and grudgingly gave him his scanty portion of coa.r.s.e food, making the poor old man feel that he was considered a burden by his own child. Matters grew worse until at last he was not allowed to come to the table. His son made for him a rude wooden bowl, from which he ate his food in the kitchen.
One day this son saw his own little boy at work with his jackknife on a piece of wood. "What are you doing, my child?" he asked. "I am making a wooden bowl like grandpa's, for you to eat out of when you are old, father," said the child.
This answer made such an impression upon the son, showing him what treatment he had a right to expect from his own children after the example he had given them, that from that time he treated his old father with the respect and kindness he himself wished to receive in his old age.
We should never laugh at mistakes in speech. The old-fashioned expressions that seem so queer to us may have been right when those who use them were young. Some of our ways of speaking will probably seem as strange to young people when we are old as theirs do now to us, so we are laughing at ourselves beforehand. Then we should remember that years ago school privileges were not so great as they are now. Children then went to school but little in comparison with us, and their speech was not watched and corrected by teachers as ours is. We ought never to criticise mistakes in the aged as we would in our little brothers and sisters: it is disrespectful; and besides they are too old to change habits.
We should listen with attention and with no sign of impatience to all they say, answer their questions kindly, and not contradict, even if through forgetfulness the same question is often asked and mistakes are made. If they are childish and sometimes fault-finding, we should treat them with the gentleness we would show to a little child, together with the respect that belongs to gray hairs.
If they are hard of hearing, we should repeat patiently and gently and never shout an answer.
When we talk with them we should talk of what they care for, even if it is what we are not interested in. If we try, we can generally become interested for their sakes. We should be willing to read to them articles and books that may seem prosy to us; we ought to think how long the days must seem to those who are too feeble to go out as we do, and we should be glad to do what we can to entertain them.
We should cheerfully wait upon old people, and let them feel that young hands and feet are glad to take the place of theirs. There are countless little services which we can perform for them: we can bring grandfather his hat and cane, find a place in the paper for him with our bright eyes, thread grandmother's needle, pick up dropped st.i.tches in her knitting, hunt for her gla.s.ses when she loses them, and run on errands for them both.
They ought to have the most comfortable chairs, in winter the warmest seats by the fire, and in the evening the place where their failing eyes shall have the best light.
If we are sitting in the only rocking-chair in the room, or in the easiest one, and an old person enters, we should immediately _rise_ and offer it to him, not simply ask if he would not like it.
At the table we should see that old people are helped first and their wants carefully attended to.
In cars or public places, a boy or girl should never allow an old man or woman to stand, but should hasten to give up a seat and insist on its being taken, especially if the person is poorly dressed.
The following story of what happened long ago in the famous old city of Athens well ill.u.s.trates this point:--
A play was to be performed at the princ.i.p.al theatre of Athens, and the seats were soon taken. When the theatre was full, an old man came in and looked around for a seat. He was quite infirm and could not stand long.
He looked first one way and then another. At length he saw a party of young Athenians beckoning to him. He tried to get to them, which he had to do by climbing over seats and pushing through the crowd; and, when at last he reached them, they sat down, and, instead of giving him the seat he had expected, took up all the room, leaving the old man standing.
In this theatre were some seats fitted up for strangers. These were filled by young Spartans, who, when they saw the behavior of the Athenians, were much displeased, and beckoned to the old man to come to them. When he was near them they all rose and received him with the greatest respect. The whole a.s.sembly, seeing this, could not help bursting into a shout of applause.
The old man then said, "The Athenians know what is right, but the Spartans practise it."
Above all things, we should never let the old feel that they are in the way, or that it is a relief when they leave the room. They are usually sensitive to anything like a slight, and their feelings are quickly hurt by real or seeming neglect.
LESSON VI.