Maria-sama ga Miteru Volume 3 Chapter 8

Maria-sama ga Miteru Volume 3 Chapter 8

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I didnt feel like doing anything, after that day.















My compulsion to study for Shiori vanished, so of course, my att.i.tude in cla.s.s became horrible and I dont need to explain my quiz scores.















I was called to the staff room numerous times, asked to explain what was going on. My behavior wasnt good to begin with, and I was never very harmonious with my cla.s.smates, but the moment my grades fell apart, the teachers turned around began trying to "guide" me, and it disgusted me.















If I could answer, my grades fell apart because I broke up with the first-year student Kubo Shiori, the teachers would probably be surprised. While I was being lectured, I just thought about that sort of thing. If I actually paid attention to things like "you have the talent to do well," my ears would rot.















Of course, reality and daydreams were different, so I never said a word about Shiori. My grades were a result of my own profligacy.















Even if we never met, I couldnt forget about Shiori. Youko must be satisfied, knowing that we fought, and broke up. But my feelings contradicted our physical separation, and I yearned longingly for her.































The second semester exams ended, and one day in the following exam break. I received a summons from school.















I didnt want to go to school during the break, but my mom paled at hearing about my being summoned and forced me into the car.















I braced myself for receiving a lecture about my exam grades being bad, but it felt wrong. Because it was during the break, and I was summoned along with my mother, so it had to be something far more serious.















My mother and I were lead to the guidance office, a solemn room next to the staff room. I felt goose-b.u.mps when I saw who were waiting: my middle-aged male homeroom teacher, the young female homeroom teacher for the first-year pine cla.s.s, and two sisters. One was the guidance office sister, and the other was the school princ.i.p.al.















When I saw Shioris homeroom teacher, I felt like I knew what was coming. Todays discussion wouldnt be solely about my grades. I didnt know how they found out, but it was evident Shiori and Is relationship was an issue.















When we walked in, the door was closed, and locked from inside. So I knew Shiori wasnt going to be called today. Perhaps shed already been called, a different time. But I couldnt speak Shioris name and ask. Rather than be apathetic, as usual, I felt obligated to pay attention to everything.















After greetings, the homeroom teacher pulled out my semester grades and my attendance records and showed them to my mother.















My mother thought I was an honor student, I guess, because she shrieked when she saw them, and asked if there was a mistake.















"Perhaps. After all, Satou-san was originally a model student."















After scaring my mother, the homeroom teacher began praising me. A person whos going to lead the student council next year, a person with many honor-student friends. And then he said there seemed to be a reason why I turned downhill, and he mentioned Shioris name.















The way I saw it, it felt like he protected his teaching skills, laying down the first strike by mentioning her name. Like she was a witch, he spoke her name like the name of evil. He probably couldnt think of any reason other than Shiori.















"Is that true, Sei-chan?"















My mother yelled, hysterical.















"Its not Shioris fault."















I spoke not to my mother, not to my homeroom teacher, but to the princ.i.p.al. No one else mattered to me except the princ.i.p.al, who knew about Shiori.















"I dont understand why you have to link Shiori and my grades. If anything went wrong, it was all my fault, not Shiori."















"Kubo Shiori said the same. That it was her fault, not yours."















The princ.i.p.al seemed to know everything. But she still called me here, with my mother.















For the first time, I regretted my shallowness. Even if I broke up with Shiori, I should have paid attention in cla.s.s. As long as I was an honor student, my homeroom teacher wouldnt have squealed like this. And if he didnt, the princ.i.p.al wouldnt have found out. Even if she might have overlooked another student, she felt directly responsible for anything to do with Shiori, as she was supposed to be her away-from-home mother.















I tearfully defended Shiori, but the homeroom teacher simply became even more arrogant.















Shioris homeroom teacher seemed to have lost out in experience, as she simply closed her eyes, silently waiting. I grew irritated, thinking she should defend her own student.















In the end, I was released, just given a strict warning. They wouldnt expel me or anything just because of grades, but there was such a gap between my first and second-semester grades that they wanted to shake some sense into me. Apparently Id barely managed to squeeze out of the red for all of my tests, and was about to break the record for the worst scores, ever.















"School life isnt just about studying, but I wonder if its lonesome to become absorbed into one, single thing."















The princ.i.p.als words felt like a finishing blow.















I understood. My mother, and other teachers and students would never understand. But the princ.i.p.al, she saw through Shiori and Is relationship.















I didnt know what was going to happen to me, starting tomorrow.


























































When I got home, I called Shioris dorm. At first, my mother was too agitated and ranted insults at Shiori, but after a while she seemed to have finished venting and let me return to my room. I was too tired to care.















Shiori was not at the dorm. Shed requested a leave of absence two days ago, and hadnt returned since.















I then called the convent at Lillian. But they told me Shiori hadnt come. At that point, I had no idea where Shiori could be. I was at a dead end. I didnt know how to get in touch with her relatives in Nagasaki.















I just wanted to hear Shioris bright voice. Even if she coldly hung up, if I could apologize for making her go through all this, I would have been satisfied.















I called the dorm every day, asking whether Shioris returned, or if they knew where she went, but I couldnt even find out where she was, much less get in contact with her. And the closing ceremony in preparation for winter vacation came.































I expected it. My grades were considerably worse than they were during first semester. At Lillian, we were to have a Ma.s.s at noon, and the speaker was a guest Father from outside. It wasnt obligatory, so we were free to attend or not at our own accord, but I headed toward the sanctuary in the hopes of seeing Shiori. If shed come to school, shed definitely show up at Ma.s.s.















I was a lot more discrete than I thought I would be. The danger of bothering Shiori with anything I did suppressed my wildness.















As I expected, Shiori was at Ma.s.s. She sat near the front, with a serene look.















I took my distance and gazed at her. I was moved by her peaceful look. To me, Shiori looked closer to G.o.d than the Father.































Youko came to my cla.s.s to invite me to the Rose Mansion. They were going to have a Christmas party.















"Rei-chan said she baked some cookies. That might be reason enough to stop by, I think."















"Yes&h.e.l.lip;"















Ill go if I feel like it, I told her, and I left her.















"Well be waiting."















Youkos voiced seemed to splatter against my back.















Still wearing my indoor shoes, I ran to the sanctuary. Wed made no promises or anything, but I felt like I would see Shiori there.















Shiori was waiting for me, leaning against the sanctuary.















"Sorry to keep you waiting."















Shiori looked up when I spoke, and she into my arms surprisingly naturally.















"Shiori?"















I was confused, feeling a mix of happiness and surprise, and I pulled her to the back of the sanctuary, where less people were to come.















And then we kissed, and I dont know if one of us lead the other. It was like we were communicating to each other our feelings, feelings that were too complex to describe with words.















"I kept thinking of you, when we were apart&h.e.l.lip; even while I was praying, I kept thinking of you. I didnt know why it turned out like this&h.e.l.lip; and I felt pathetic."















After calming down, Shiori began talking. About how shed stayed at the princ.i.p.als room in the convent during the break. About how she met with her uncle, who came to Tokyo, and how they spoke about the future.















"The princ.i.p.al figured out what was between us, and she was greatly worried. She was vehement about me not taking a misstep. I understood what she tried to say, and I thought I shouldnt be with you, and I promised with her, that I wouldnt see you again, but it was no good."















The dam broke the moment we saw each other. We were swept along by a great wave, not knowing where we would land. It took our all to hold onto each others hand, so that we wouldnt lose sight of each other, no matter where we ended up.















"Whats going to happen to us?"















"I dont know."















But we knew wed be torn apart, at this rate. We became lonely all of a sudden, and embraced each other tightly. Feeling each others warmth and heart beats, we calmed down, eased by knowing we werent alone.















"Shiori, lets run away."















I must have thought about that, long ago. That we would have to throw away our current lifestyle and build ourselves a fresh home.















"&h.e.l.lip; What?"















"Dont worry, well be okay, I know it. Lets live together, where no one can interfere."















"Live&h.e.l.lip;?"















"Yes."















I asked Shiori if she didnt want to. If she didnt want to go with me.















"Of course I wouldnt. Ill go anywhere with you, Sei. But-"















I placed my index finger on Shioris lips.















"We can."















There was no way of knowing if we can or cant without at least trying. I didnt want to give up before we tried.















"Bring the minimal amount of things you need. Lets go now."















I wanted to run away with Shiori right there and then. I knew deep down that if we took too long, our resolve would wither. Running away from home was something you had to do through momentum, I thought.















But reality came with its own set of problems, like needing to change out of our uniforms to stand out less, and we had to find out where to run, and how much money it would take. So I had to go home once, too, and grab my cash card.















Paying heed to being seen, we decided to leave the campus separately. And wed meet up in the evening with our belongings.















"Okay."















Shiori and I split up behind the sanctuary.















"See you."















Shiori waved her hand slightly and watched me return to the campus.















See you.















Ill never forget that smile.















I whole-heartedly believed that I would see that smile again, a few hours later. I had no reason to doubt it.











































I arrived at the meeting place 40 minutes earlier than wed decided.















At the 3rd and 4th line platform of M Station. We picked the closest point of the advance direction, so wed see each other easily.















Shiori wasnt there yet.















I backtracked a bit and sat down on a bench and looked at the timetable Id bought at the station building. There was only one set of stairs to get to this station, so Shiori would have to pa.s.s by this bench.















I even wore a wrist.w.a.tch today, despite how much I hated keeping track of time, and waited for Shiori.















But I didnt dislike the time I spent waiting for Shiori. Contrary to that, I actually enjoyed it.















Wed have to discuss where wed go, first. Wed put marks on the timetable, finding the furthest places we could go without having to change trains, and think about the possibility of stepping off at Shinjuku Station or Tokyo Station, and as I mulled over those things, the time wed decided on came.















I closed the timetable and placed it in my bag. Itd be a pain if my mother became suspicious, so I only carried enough to make me look like I was going shopping. I had a change of underwear and my pa.s.sport and identification, so I could just buy whatever else I needed.















I lied, saying I was going to the Christmas party with the Yamayurikai, and left home. My mother didnt object, because I was supposed to go be with my trusted onee-sama and Youko, who was well-received by adults.















Dont be too late, and have fun-. Her send-off made me feel a bit bad.















The orange-colored train stopped in front of me, and like a deep sigh, unloaded pa.s.sengers, then swallowed other pa.s.sengers and ran off toward the east. In the s.p.a.ce of a few minutes, I saw this scene repeat itself.















Sometimes Id see salary men carrying big, square boxes. Oh yeah, todays Christmas Eve. The trees around the south-end of the station were decorated with lighting, and it looked brilliant, as if the normally plain scene had been brushed up with make-up.















They knew the trains would be jam-packed, they could just buy the cake after they got off-. I felt exasperated, and looked at my watch.















Five twelve.















(Christmas cake.)















I hated the decorations, like the fir trees, the cabins, the angels, those things that embroidered Christmas cakes. I also hated the chocolate plates that read Merry Christmas. Thats why my father always elected to order a cake weeks in advance, keeping in mind all of my dislikes, and had it carefully delivered.















But wed stopped doing Christmas parties. After taking hold of a new company three years ago, my father had become busy, and I wasnt childish enough to eagerly await cake.















Even when it became five fourty, Shiori didnt show up.















Theyd picked the time, giving ample room to prepare. So she was definitely late.















Maybe the roads were packed because of Christmas Eve, delaying her bus. Or maybe she forgot where we were supposed to meet.















Just in case, I walked across the platform. As I walked, I peeked into the first and second platform as well as the fifth and sixth platform, but there was no one like Shiori.















Maybe she was delayed by the princ.i.p.al. Restless, I picked up the receiver at a nearby public phone. I remembered the phone number to the convent, as Id called it so many times during the break.















Thinking they might deliberately hide her from me, I used her cla.s.smate Sachikos name. But around four, Shiori had politely told them she was stepping out.















Without dropping the receiver, I called her dorm. If shed left at four, she should be here by now. Maybe Shiori forgot something important and backtracked to her dorm.















But Shiori wasnt there. But I found out she hadnt taken a quick leave, but had vacated the dorm completely.















I didnt remember anything about preparing to go somewhere.















Then, why?















She left her dorm, and she vacated the convent, where was Shiori trying to go?















And where was she now?















Time mercilessly kept ticking away, and it became seven.































I thought, Shiori wasnt going to come anymore.















But I couldnt leave the platform because I held a sliver of hope. Maybe Shiori would come walking down those stairs. I couldnt let myself give up.















Even though I could guess she wouldnt come, I didnt know why.















Maybe she changed her mind, or maybe an accident befell her. My mind was on verge of short-circuiting.















Everything was becoming such a pain. I wanted to disappear, today. I dont need tomorrow. Having nowhere to go, I kept sitting on the bench.















Once by a drunkard, once by the security guard, I was okay when they spoke to me, but when two office lady-ish women stopped and asked, "Are you feeling okay?" I was on the verge of tears.















"Im alright, Im waiting for a friend."















I answered, holding back tears. I wished they would just go away. I knew if I started crying, I wouldnt be able to stop.















"I guess its a penalty game?"















Maybe they were a bit drunk, because they happily joked to each other as they went to the wickets. It felt cold, and I wrapped my arms around myself. I pulled my legs to myself, lowered my chin, and tried to make myself less wind-resistant, but the cold never went away. Even the coat, which Id coaxed out of my parents in the stead of a birthday and Christmas present, with its thick material couldnt warm me. I needed the warmth of Shioris hands.















I closed my eyes. I wanted to see Shiori, even if it was just a dream.































I woke up, feeling someone touch my shoulder.















I was groggy. Id lost track of time.















I first started to glance at my watch, but I turned it up instead. Whoever had shaken me away was still standing over me.















"Its past eleven. I dont think you can get out of Tokyo anymore tonight, can you?"















Looked amazed, my onee-sama stood over me, smiling lightly.















"Why&h.e.l.lip;"















"I came to pick you up, in Shiori-sans stead."















"Shiori!?"















I looked around. I was hallucinating, just from hearing her name.















"Shiori-san isnt here. Shiori-san said shes not going with you."















"Lies! Someone hid Shiori, didnt they!? Where is she? Ill save her!"















I was confused, and kept searching for Shiori on the platform.















"No one hid her. She chose her path herself."















Onee-sama took a leaflet out of her pocket and handed it to me. Impatiently unfolding the neatly folded sheet with my numbed fingers, I realized it was written with Shioris handwriting.















The first line threw me into a pit of despair.















"Im sorry. I cant go with you."















It proved Shiori had chosen it on her own will. The letter spanned several sheets, ripped out of her notebook, and spelled out Shioris feelings completely. I read through all of her words once, but I couldnt understand them. All I knew was that Shiori had cast me aside. That was all.















"Shiori-san came to the station once. She saw you sitting here on the platform once, and then realized she couldnt go with you."















"If she came&h.e.l.lip; why didnt she tell me I cant go directly?"















If she told me directly, maybe I could take it. I could have understood her better than hearing her words through paper.















"Because she might waver if she spoke to you."















"Waver?"















"Of course? No matter how mature she may seem, shes just a first-year in high school. Its an age where youre destined to sway. And the same goes for you, too."















Onee-sama grabbed my hands and said, "Lets go home." I let myself be embraced by onee-sama, and we climbed the stairs, and pa.s.sed the wickets.















"Is Shiori going somewhere?"















"Yes. Far away. She discussed it with the princ.i.p.al over the break, and decided to transfer. She already departed."















From this station-. Onee-sama told me, and turned me around to face the station.















What was I doing then. I might have been dreaming about what we would do together, not knowing it would end like this.















"Its my fault&h.e.l.lip;"















A single tear rolled down my cheek, even though Id been trying so hard not to.















"Its a result she consented to."















Uneasiness, despair, loneliness, anger, onee-sama caught all of the motions pouring out of me at once. Unable to stop myself, I kept crying in onee-samas chest.















"But, if shed never met me-"















Shiori might have lived peacefully at Lillian for three years.















"Maybe. But it was a good thing you two met. Life is a lesson. As long as you think, its a good thing we met, in the future, its alright."















"That sort of future will never come."















"Dont worry. Its not like you died. Wounds heal, over time."















But I felt like Id died. Because Shiori was no longer by my side.















We went to the southern exit. The illuminations glittered through my tears, like the night stars.















"But Im here for you, am I not?"















"What?"















"Oh dear, did you really think I only loved your face?"















I was so surprised by onee-samas words that, for an instant, I stopped crying.















"&h.e.l.lip; No?"















"How rude. That was just a way of not being a burden to you. After all, Ive always been good at handling you, you know this."















"But onee-sama will graduate."















"But Im not the only one worried about you. See?"















Youko was standing where she pointed. Standing in front of a 24-7 family restaurant and warming her hands with her breath, Youko looked up, noticing us coming.















"Oh, Youko-chan, she must have gone stupid worrying about you, I told her to wait inside the store."















Onee-sama cackled.















That Youko trotted over and just glared at me, wordlessly.















"Sorry, for making you worry."















For once, I was honest. Because I knew from her face how much Id worried her.















"Seriously."















Youko looked relieved, took a small pouch from her pocket, and stuffed what was in it into my mouth.















"Rei-chans cookie."















The cookies she said were worthwhile enough to stop by the party for.















"&h.e.l.lip; Mm."















They werent freshly baked, but because theyd been in her pocket, they were warm. It melted sweetly in my tear-filled mouth, and it felt so delicious I started crying again.















"Lets go, then."















Onee-sama wrapped an arm around Youko, too, and began walking.















"Where?"















"My house. I already called Seis mother to tell her you were staying over. Lets re-do the party, with the three of us."















"What&h.e.l.lip;"















"No complaining. Onee-samas orders are to be immediately followed. A fun winter vacation starts tomorrow, so lets party silently into the night."















Ill never be a match for onee-sama, my whole life, I thought.















Even if Id gone home, I wouldnt be able to sleep in my cold bed.















The wound of losing Shiori was big and deep, but that there was someone by my side, trying to understand me, I wondered how much of a comfort that was.















As we were talking past the roadside trees, onee-samas wrist.w.a.tch alarm suddenly rang.















"Happy birthday!"















The two people other than me suddenly shouted.















Today, as of December 25, Id become a year older.











































I cut my hair.















It wasnt easy to cut off my feelings for Shiori, but it hurt to see the long hair that once touched Shiori.















I lopped it all off, so it felt really cold around my neck at first, but I got used to it. Just like my body, maybe my soul will get used to the cold of having no Shiori.















When the new semester rolled around, onee-sama dragged me off from one place to another, giving me no rest at all working Yamayurikai duties. Id slacked off on duties all the way through my second-year second semester, so it was like giving me an extreme, compact course on my job, and it was something Id brought on myself. Of course, even if I became Rosa Gigantea next year, as long as Youko was Rosa Chinensis, the Lillian Girls Academy Yamayurikai would be safe.















I was also forced to completely change how I felt about Youko.















I found out later that it was Youko that ran into Shiori at M Station, and that it was she who chased down Shiori, who was trying to vanish, and forced her to write the letter. She knew that even if Shiori vanished, I wouldnt believe onee-sama and Youko, so I thought it was a pertinent treatment. After seeing Shiori off on a bullet train, she returned to M Station and contacted onee-sama.















I never asked where Shiori went. I simply hoped she was living peacefully.































Halfway through February, Id calmed down enough to re-read Shioris letter.















And gradually I began to understand how Shiori felt.















For example.















"At the time, I truly wanted to live with you. But when I saw you sitting on the platform, I was overcome with distress. If I departed with you, what lay in wait at the end? I didnt want to hurt you anymore, just because I met you."















When I first read it, I was angered, because I thought Shiori leaving me was the most painful thing she could do. But that was wrong.















Even if wed run away together, what could we do, as powerless as we were? As Shiori said, what lay in wait was probably not a bright and sunny future.















In retrospect, at the end of the road for us was probably death. At some point, I would probably have chosen to die with Shiori. And she, too, felt the same.















So I decided to live, to carry out onee-samas words.















That wounds heal.















That the future liquidates the past.































March.















We sent off the third-years.















"Listen, okay? Youre the type to get absorbed by things, so when you find something precious, make yourself take a step back."















That was onee-samas last bit of advice for me. Onee-sama was to attend a different university come April, so if anything were to happen, I wouldnt be able to depend on her anymore.















"I behaved like a spoiled child all this time, I dont know how to repay onee-sama&h.e.l.lip;"















I appreciated her, from the bottom of my heart, for taking care of such a bad child. I felt extremely gracious for everything onee-sama did for me.















"Its okay. After all, thats what an onee-sama is supposed to do. If you really want to pay me back, return it to someone else. -Like, your future sister."















"A sister? Now?"















I snickered. Having come this far, it seemed like a ridiculous notion.















"Oh?"















It might be too early to use the phrase, but onee-sama smiled like a cherry blossom.















Unable to wait for the dream-like scenery that would unfold from these trees a month later, I looked up.































I knew the blue skies, visible through the naked branches, stretched on forever and ever.