With Han Geng @ Midnight prelude
This is for all of you, the ever-present guests in my life.
All of your love is my wings, giving me the strength to bypa.s.s storms. Touched smiles are our beliefs, we share our happiness and sorrow.
This year, 2015, marks the tenth year anniversary of my debut.
Ten years hold a special meaning in my heart, and so I wanted to do something to commemorate this special date. Throughout these ten years, the person I came to understand the most is myself. In the past few years, friends have suggested that I publish a book, yet I never got to it. What can I write about? Lazy, fickle, irritated. At the present day, after experiencing so much, I prefer the times where I had no schedule and had time to be alone. When you converse a lot with yourself, a lot of stories will pop up. These stories drew me in, and so I wanted to share them with you.
And thus this book came to exist.
When I was writing this, I thought about how the people I want to share these with the most are all of you, fans of my song and of my film. Forgive the fact that I am not good with expressing myself. I hope that my words can echo my heart.
Every time I walk among a sea of people, I'd feel lost, unsure of my next step and direction; every time I complete an important challenge, I'd be faced with a short period of time where I'd feel bitter and empty. Times like this came by often, so often that I wanted to give up, but I know I can't.
Because there is a group of people, fans of my songs and of my films that give me the strength to move forth. All of you are like my family, giving me the warmest embrace, allowing me to grow into a strong man. Words cannot express my grat.i.tude towards all of you. I want to tell all of you that I am aware of all the effort you’ve put in for me.
When I was in Korea, everything around me was unfamiliar. I often felt that even the air I was breathing was unfamiliar. Because of the language barrier and the fact that I wasn't an open and lively person, there are very few people willing to become friends with me. When I'm hurt, I can only deal with it myself. After so long, I managed the act of digesting great loneliness, and so to people and things I'm unfamiliar with, I’d resist and put my guard up.
During that period of time, more often that not, I was quiet. Missing home became the norm. Sometimes I'd feel so lonely that I'd find myself to be pathetic and I'd be unwilling to even say one word. Away in a foreign place, the once familiar laughter became distant from me. I really felt the desperation of being abandoned by the entire world then. Under the circ.u.mstances of being lonely but unable to speak to anyone, my personal s.p.a.ce on the internet became the object of my words deep in the might. As if my lonely self had somewhere to place my heart. Everyday there will be many fans who'd cheer me on, id read them daily after training. Slowly, i found that I began to smile more. These quiet greetings made me feel like I'm not alone.
The bitterest memory I can think of is when I was prohibited from performing in Korea, that period of time when I couldn't show my face and could only dance on stage with a mask on.
I saw that many fans were hurting for me, crying for me, some even spent the night under SM building to protest and requested the company to solve this in a reasonable manner.
Actually at that time, I saw all the effort all of you put in for me. Saw all of you enduring the hardship for me. How I wanted to become your "older brother" to be my your sides, to wipe away all of our tears, to urge all of you to go home earlier, don't catch a cold, it was a pity that I wasn't able to......
Later on, I'd often reminiscent of the scene back then, I'd always think that, we only met by chance yet all of you give unconditionally, apart from thanking all of you for accompanying me all this time, what else can I do?
Thankful to all of you for always cheering me on, writing encouraging words for me, always telling me to strive on, keep going! Many times when I wanted to give up, when I see the warm encouragements from all of you, the thoughtful words, I'd be filled with strength instantly, and I became much more brave.
Thank you for acc.u.mulating my popularity, for urging fans to vote for me. Thank all of you for protecting me silently; what makes me the happiest is that I have the most clever and most thoughtful fans.
I remember during my 23rd birthday, fans created a song "Wings of Love" and gifted it to me. I must admit that this is the best and most surprising birthday gift I was that. I specially included this song in my first alb.u.m, edited it into my own version, this song represents my thankfulness towards all my "Geng Fan"...... All of you understand me so much, protecting my dreams and me with all you've got; I also want to thank all of you, my grateful heart will always be wishing the best for all of you.
All of your love is my wings, giving me the strength to bypa.s.s storms. After the contract termination, I really thought about giving up life as a celebrity, yet all of you never gave up on me or left, it is the strength of all of you that allowed me to pick myself up and restart. To be honest, I don't know most of you, yet all of you became the strong shield that supported me.
So many years pa.s.sed; all of you witnessed my changes and I witnessed your growth. When I was lost, all of you were by my side cheering me on; when I became an actor, all of you gave me your silent support; every time I challenged something Nee, I had your strong gaze and encouragement; when I went into philanthropy, all of you joined in and helped out...... Thank all of you, for protecting me wordlessly.
I know that no matter how many words I say, they can't express my gratefulness towards all of you, accompaniment for ten years is definitely not easy. I still have to nag once again, I am thankful to all of you. I love all of you.
This book is called "With Geng at Midnight", sounds the same as "in the middle of the night", it means that in quiet and mysterious place I'd be able to express my thoughts. This is the first time I'm opening my heart completely, and I even wrote so many words, I'm quite nervous, I also hope that after reading this all of you will have some realisation about your life, your future and your dreams.
Life goes on, we are growing, tell yourself: "for the next ten years, fight on!"