What Color Is Your Parachute? Part 18
And yet, despite this prejudice, there are still employers out there who will hire you, regardless of how old you are, if ... (and here we have a lot of "if"s-all of which lie within your control, thank heaven):
They will hire you IF you choose to approach a small company and they don't have to put you late into a pension plan; and
They will hire you IF you come with a positive att.i.tude toward your aging. For example, thinking of your current age not in terms of work but in terms of music-particularly a symphony. A symphony, traditionally, has four movements, as they're called. So does Life. There is the first movement, infancy; then the second movement, the time of learning; the long third movement follows, the time of working; and finally, a fourth movement. It is traditionally spoken of, in terms of work: hence, we call it retirement. It is much better to think of it as the Fourth Movement, a triumphant, powerful ending to the symphony of our life here on Earth. Go listen to Beethoven's Third Symphony, the Eroica; and
They will hire you IF you convey energy, even in this period of your life. Ask any employer what they are looking for, when they interview a job candidate who is fifty years or older, and they will tell you: energy. Okay, but where shall we find energy, after fifty? When we were younger, energy came from the physical side of our nature. We were "feeling our oats," as they say. We could go all day, and all night. "My, where do you get all your energy?" our grandmother would ask us. We were a dynamo ... of physical energy. But after fifty, physical energy may be harder to come by, despite workouts, exercise, and marathons. Increasingly, our energy must spring not from our muscles but from our excitement about Life; there are inevitably some employers dying to have that excitement in their organization; and
They will hire you IF you have done some life/work planning, and you know alternative ways to describe who you are and what you can do, because you did the homework on Who You Are, in chapter 7; and
They will hire you IF you keep going on interviews until you encounter an employer or two who isn't prejudiced about your age.
What do I mean by keep going? Well, here is one successful job-hunter's actual records (the "process" she is referring to, is Daniel Porot's PIE method, described at the end of this chapter):
Here are the figures you wanted: In the course of my surveying, September through November, I was referred to 120+ people. Of these I contacted 84 and actually met with 50. I met most people at their offices, a few for lunch, a couple for dinner, and one for breakfast! The process worked so well for me, I am really excited about my new prospects.
Job-hunting success, regardless of your age, often requires this kind of persistence, keeping at it, working at your job-hunt far longer and far harder than the average job-hunter would ever dream of doing, because you know you will be valuable to any organization that is able to see you clearly, without prejudice.
3. Next employer prejudice: ex-offenders. When you run into any employer prejudice, what you should do is Google it by name on the Internet, and see what you turn up. You may discover some very useful advice, strategies, or resources. This is the case if you are (or you work with) an ex-offender. The most detailed help I know of, is found on the website run by a man named d.i.c.k Gaither. Let me tell you about him. He is head of Job Search Training Systems in Indiana, and has worked with ex-offenders a lot, over many years. E-mail d.i.c.k at and he will send you 126 pages of useful information and guidance that you can print out. Incredibly helpful, and ... it's free. A great public service, from a tremendous human being.
4. Next employer prejudice: exmental patients. The same comments that I made above, apply here.
5. Others. There is hardly a group you can name who do not face some prejudice from some employers.
There are employers good and kind, and employers who aren't. Personally, I draw comfort from all the employers I run into who are a credit to the human race. Here is a letter I got from a successful job-hunter1 just last week:
As we went along in the interview, some of the things the employer told me were, "I'm very flexible with schedules. I want to put people in activities that I know they'll be the best in, but that means that some weeks you're scheduled for three evening shifts. If that's ever a problem, I really want you to tell me, because I can fix it. I'm also a firm believer that you need to be at your absolute best before you can pour into people here. That means, if you get really stressed out, I want you to tell me. Just yesterday one of our employees came to me and said, I'm so overwhelmed right now!' So I sat down with her and we moved some stuff around. Now, that also means that we are extremely team-oriented. If someone cannot take a shift because something is going on at home, everyone needs to be willing to take that up sometimes. But, you always know that everyone here is willing to do the same for you. Also, when we're stressed we seem to resort to silliness." I knew immediately that this was the place for me....
The Last Handicap: Shyness
During the whole job hunt, what's going to torpedo you most? What handicap is king? Well, shyness is at the top of the list. Call it anything else if you want to-low self-esteem, fear, anxiety, nervousness, sweating-but shyness it is, and shyness it remains. Often, we, the unemployed, who may be absolute experts at connecting and communicating with faceless people on the Internet-through computer games, apps, Facebook, LinkedIn, Twitter, Instagram, and other social media-suddenly turn to jelly when we have to go face-to-face with people.
Shy. A lot of us would never think to use that word to describe ourselves. But surveys have found that as many as 75% of us have been painfully shy at some point in our lives. Many of us still are. (This always comes as a great surprise to my European friends, because they picture Americans as a.s.sertive, aggressive, and similar words. And sure, some of us are; but that's not who most of us are, especially when we're out of work, and have go sit across the desk from employers, face-to-face. I myself have been painfully shy, much of my life. No one would ever guess.) So, what to do if we are shy and feel utterly unequipped to deal with all the social interaction we're going to have to do during our job-hunt? There is an answer, and a method that works. First, a bit of history.
The late John Crystal often ran into this problem. So John suggested that the way anyone cures themselves of shyness is through enthusiasm. If you're talking with someone, for example, and you are enthusiastic about the topic under discussion, you will forget that you are shy, in your excitement. Everything depends on what you're talking about, and how you feel about that topic.
So, he said, if you're shy, only go after a job you feel really enthusiastic about. Seek information only about a curiosity that you feel enthusiastic about the prospect of learning the answer to. And so on. And so forth.
John followed this up by inventing a practical three-stage plan of action, to cure job-hunters of shyness. Those who have followed John's advice in this regard have had a success rate of 86% in overcoming their shyness and fears, and finding a job.
Daniel Porot and I subsequently took John's system, and organized it. We observed that John was really recommending three types of interviews, as I noted in chapter 4: Interviews for employment.
But preceded, necessarily, by interviewing just for information, which-among other things-is a warm-up for employment interviews.
And this was preceded by practice interviewing, which-among other things-is a warm-up for information interviews.
Each type of interview prepares for the next; and there you have it: a three-stage plan, for overcoming shyness.
Daniel, who has been Europe's premiere job-hunting expert for decades, organized this into an attractive and well-thought-out chart; and gave it its now famous name: "The PIE Method," which has helped thousands of job-hunters and career-changers in Europe, Asia, and the U.S. with their shyness and with their job-hunt.2 Why is it called "PIE"?
P is for the warm-up phase. John Crystal named this warm-up "The Practice Field Survey."3 Daniel Porot calls it P for pleasure.
I is for "Informational Interviewing."
E is for the employment interview with the-person-who-has-the-power-to-hire-you.
To download a printable PDF of this image, please visit http://rhlink.com/para14025 To download a printable PDF of this image, please visit "http://rhlink.com/para14025 How do you use this P for practice to get comfortable about going out and talking to people one-on-one?
This is achieved by choosing a topic-any topic, however silly or trivial-that is a pleasure for you to talk about with your friends, or family. To avoid anxiety, it should not be connected to any present or future careers that you are considering. Rather, the kinds of topics that work best, for this exercise, are: a hobby you love, such as skiing, bridge playing, exercise, computers, etc.
any leisure-time enthusiasm of yours, such as a movie you just saw, that you liked a lot a longtime curiosity, such as how do they predict the weather, or what policemen do an aspect of the town or city you live in, such as a new shopping mall that just opened an issue you feel strongly about, such as the homeless, AIDS sufferers, ecology, peace, health, returning veterans, etc.
There is only one condition about choosing a topic: it should be something you love to talk about with other people; a subject you know nothing about, but you feel a great deal of enthusiasm for, is far preferable to something you know an awful lot about, but it puts you to sleep.
Having identified your enthusiasm, you then need to go talk to someone who is as enthusiastic about this thing, as you are. For best results with your later job-hunt, this should be someone you don't already know. Use the Yellow Pages, ask around among your friends and family, Who do you know that loves to talk about this? It's relatively easy to find the kind of person you're looking for.
You love to talk about skiing? Try a ski-clothes store, or a skiing instructor. You love to talk about writing? Try a professor on a nearby college campus, who teaches English. You love to talk about physical exercise? Try a trainer, or someone who does physical therapy.
Once you've identified someone you think shares your enthusiasm, you then go talk with them.
When you are face-to-face with your fellow enthusiast, the first thing you must do is relieve their understandable anxiety. Everyone has had someone visit them who has stayed too long, who has worn out their welcome. If your fellow enthusiast is worried about you staying too long, they'll be so preoccupied with this fear that they won't hear a word you are saying.
So, when you first meet them, ask for ten minutes of their time, only. Period. Stop. Exclamation point. And watch your time like a hawk, using your watch or smartphone timer, as I explained in chapter 4.
Okay, you're there. Now what? Well, a topic may have its own unique set of questions. For example, I love movies, so if I met someone who shared this interest, my first question would be, "What movies have you seen lately?" Or, "What did you think of Django?" Or, "Who's your favorite actress?" And so on.
If it's a topic you love, and often talk about, you'll know what kinds of questions you begin with. But, if no questions come to mind, your fall-back position is the following ones, which have proved to be good conversation starters for thousands of job-hunters and career-changers before you, no matter what their topic or interest.
Addressed to the person you're doing the Practice Interviewing with: How did you get involved with/become interested in this? ("This" is the hobby, curiosity, aspect, issue, or enthusiasm, that you are so interested in.) What do you like the most about it?
What do you like the least about it?
Who else would you suggest I go talk to who shares this interest?
Can I use your name?
May I tell them it was you who recommended that I talk with them?
Then, choosing one person from the list of several names they may have given you, you say, "Well, I think I will begin by going to talk to this person. Would you be willing to call ahead for me, so they will know who I am, when I go over there?"
Incidentally, it's perfectly okay for you to take someone with you during this Practice Interviewing-preferably someone who is more outgoing than you feel you are. And on the first few interviews, let them take the lead in the conversation, while you watch to see how they do it.
Once it is your turn to conduct these Practice Interviews, it will usually be easy for you to figure out what to talk about.
Alone or with someone, keep at this Practice Interviewing until you feel very much at ease in talking with people and asking them questions about things you are curious about.
In all of this, as you're trying to conquer shyness, fun is the key. If you're having fun, you're doing it right. That depends, of course, on how enthusiastic you are, about what you're exploring.
If you're not having fun, you need to keep at it, until you are. It may take seeing four people. It may take ten. Or twenty. You'll know. Once you're comfortable with Practice Interviewing, you'll be ready to try your hand at Informational Interviewing, which I discussed in chapter 8.
In Conclusion: Self-Esteem Versus Egotism
As most of us know, the proper att.i.tude toward ourselves is called "good self-esteem." But self-esteem is an art. An art of balance. A balance between thinking too little of ourselves, and thinking too much of ourselves.
The name for thinking too much of ourselves is "egotism." We have all run into that, at some point in our lives, so we know what it looks like. Some of us have even caught a pa.s.sing glimpse of it in the mirror.
In our culture and others, we are taught to recoil from this in horror. We even have mythologies warning us against it; the story of Narcissus comes to mind. Poor guy! (See http://tinyurl.com/a3a33 if you are unfamiliar with the myth.) In order to avoid egotism, a lot of us go way overboard in the other direction. We shrink from ever declaring that we have any virtue, any excellency, any special gifts, lest we be accused of boasting. And so we fall into that opposite pit from egotism, namely, ingrat.i.tude. We appear ungrateful for the gifts that life, the universe, G.o.d-you name it-has already given us.
So, how do we adopt the proper att.i.tude toward our gifts-speaking of them honestly, humbly, gratefully-without sounding egotistical?
Just this: the more you see your own gifts clearly, the more you must pay attention to the gifts that others have.
The more sensitive you become to how unusual you are, the more you must become sensitive to how unusual those around you are.
The more you pay attention to yourself, the more you must pay attention to others.
The more you ponder the mystery of You, the more you must ponder the mystery of all those you encounter, every loved one, every friend, every acquaintance, every stranger.
People from other cultures will tell you about "the tall poppy" theory of life, with its implication that you shouldn't stand taller than others in your field. That has a lot of truth to it. But you make yourself equal to others not by lowering yourself but by raising them.
Pay attention to others. What are the favorite skills of your best friend or mate? Do you know? Are you sure? Have you asked them what they think they are? Have you complimented them on these skills, during the past week? Start now!
Just remember, it's no sin to praise yourself as long as that heightens your awareness of what there is to praise in them.
1. Kayla DeVitto.
2. Daniel has summarized his system in a book published here in the U.S. in 1996: it is called The PIE Method for Career Success: A Unique Way to Find Your Ideal Job, published by JIST Works, Inc. It is now basically out of print but can be found used on Amazon.com, Barnesandn.o.ble.com, or Alibris.com. Daniel has a wonderful website of "career games" at www.careergames.com.
3. If you want further instructions about this whole process, I refer you to of Where Do I Go from Here with My Life? by John Crystal and me, published by Ten Speed Press.
What is success?
To laugh often and much; To win the respect of intelligent people and the affection of children; To earn the appreciation of honest critics and endure the betrayal of false friends; To appreciate beauty; To find the best in others; To leave the world a bit better, whether by a healthy child, a garden patch or a redeemed social condition; To know even one life has breathed easier because you have lived; This is to have succeeded.
-Bessie Anderson Stanley (18791952).