The Foolish Dictionary Part 24
=SCARECROW= An operator who repeatedly corners corn, without caws.
=SCORCHER= A chauffeur in an all-fired hurry.
=SCULPTOR= A poor unfortunate who makes faces and busts.
=SELF-MADE= Complimentary term for a respectable crook.
=SHAMROCK= A three-time loser as a racer at sea, but a four-time winner as an "ad." for tea--and Sir T.
=SHEPHERD= One who depends on a crook for a living.
=SHIRT= Every mans bosom friend.
=SILVER= A metallic form of opium, smoked by Presidential impossibilities.
=SINNER= A stupid person who gets found out.
=SNAP= A brisk, energetic quality that enables a man with ginger to take the cake.
=SNORE= An unfavorable report from headquarters.
=SOROSIS= A female gas company that lays its pipes on cultivated grounds.
=SPAGHETTI= A table-dish eaten only by Italians and jugglers. From Lat. _spadix_, branch, or fork, and _gestamen_, burden. A burden for the fork.
=SPIDER= A busy weaver and a good correspondent, who drops a line by every post.
=STARS= The greatest astronomers known, having studded the heavens for ages.
=STAYS= A sort of straight-jacket employed in reforming women.
=STOCKINGS= Womans only savings for A Rainy Day.
=STOCKS= An unreliable commodity bought and sold by gamblers. If you win, its an investment; if you lose, a speculation.
=STOVE-PIPE=
[Ill.u.s.tration]
A movable cylinder used as a receptacle for smoke and profanity.
=SPRING= Formerly a very delightful season but now obsolete except in poetry and the Old Farmers Almanac.
=SPINSTER= An ember from which the sparks have flown.
=SUBWAY= In Boston, a place where one may enjoy continuous disturbance of the peace, disorderly conduct, a.s.sault and battery, riot and rebellion. These events are allowed by law, and the entry-fee is five cents.
=SUCCESS= A goal usually reached by those who employ their time in cultivating a more definite aim in life rather than in searching for a larger target.
=SUMMER= An oppressive and expensive season invented by rural cottage and hotel owners, railroad and steamboat companies and the Iceman.