The Foolish Dictionary Part 17
h.e.l.l is paved with good intentions--also asbestos.
M
A fool and his wife are soon parted.
See Alimony.
=MAGAZINE= A receptacle for explosives, literary or mechanical.
=MAGNATE= One who can float capital in a considerable body of water. From Lat. _magnus_, great, and _nator_, to swim; a great swimmer.
=MAIDEN LADY= A term applied to an old maid by those who wish to avoid hurting her feelings.
=MALT= A humble grain which often gets into a ferment, cools off and becomes Stout in its old age.
=MAN= Something that "Goes first on four feet, then two feet, then three, but the more feet it goes on the weaker it be!"
=MAN-ABOUT-TOWN= One who is on speaking terms with the head waiter.
=MANICURE= The only woman who can beat a carpenter at soaking nails.
=MANNERS= A difficult symphony in the key of B natural.
=MARK= In Germany, twenty-three cents. In the United States, only Twain.
=MASCULINE= From Grk. _maskos_, girl, and _eukolos_, easy. Easy for the girls.
=Ma.s.sAGE= A touch, with intent to rub it in.
=MATRIMONY= A game for women, in which the unmarried half are trying to find a husband and the married half trying not to be found out by one. Both halves are eminently successful.
=MEAL= According to the Liquor Law, a minute bunch of crumbs entirely surrounded by booze.
=MEDIUM= A party with one ear in the grave but both hands on your wallet. "h.e.l.lo, Central! Give me Heaven!"
=MELODEON= An alleged musical instrument, popular at home, but unpopular next door. From Eng. _melody_, and Latin, _un_, without. Warranted without melody.
=MENAGERIE= From Fr. _melange_, mixture, and Ger. _riechen_, to smell. A mixture of smells.
=MESSENGER BOY= From Eng. _miss_, to fail, and Lat. _engeo_, to arrive. One who fails to arrive.
=METER= The gas mans trysting place. "Meet her in the cellar!"
=MIND= No matter. =MATTER= Never mind.
=MINE= A hole in the ground owned by a liar.
=MINSTREL= A footlight foul that makes its nightly lay in every city.