The Complete Works of Josh Billings Part 118

The Complete Works of Josh Billings Part 118

Care--Cat pizen.


Faith--The soul riding anchor.


Bliss--Happiness bileing over and running down both sides ov the pot.


Marriage--An alter on whitch man lays hiz pocketbook and woman her luv letters.


Quack--A doktor whoze science lays in hiz bill.


Hash--A boarding-hous confidence game.


Fuss--An old hen with one chicken.


Twins--2 mutch.


Boarding-School--A place whare wry coffee and flirtashun iz taught.


Experiment--Energy out ov a job.


Perfection--G.o.d in man.


Virtue--That ingredient whitch needs no foil, and without whitch nothing else iz valuabel.


Solitude--A good place tew visit, but a poor place tew stay.


Sloth--Life in a tomb.


Health--A call loan.


Memory--The shadow that the soul casts.


Politeness--Sixty day paper.


Poverty--The only birthright that a man kant lose.


Accidents--The dismay ov phools, the wize mans barometer.


Ease--Discounted time.


Wealth--Baggage at the risk ov the owner.


Trials--Whetstuns.


Fortune--The aggregate ov possibilitys; a G.o.ddess whom cowards count by stealth, but whom brave men take by storm.


Economy--A fust mortgage on wealth.


Enough--Jist a leetle more.


Dignity--Wisdum in tights.


Mischief--The maliss ov fun.


Cook--One who manufakters appetights.


Diseases--The whipping posts and branding irons ov luxury.


Drunkenness--Shame lost and shame found.


Cowardice--Pluck on ice.


Glutton--A man with a drunken appetight.


Examples--Foot prints in the wilderness.


Nunnery--Piety in chains.


Ignorance--Raw happiness.


Sin--A natral distemper, for which virtew haz bin discovered to be an antidote.


Friendship--One ov loves pimps.


Envy--A disease original with Cain, but which hiz brother Abel afterward caught, and died suddenly ov.


Belle--A female boss ov the situation.


Fancy--The flirtashun ov truth.


Sarcasm--An undertaker in tears.


Sulks--Deff and dum madness.


Courting--A hugg and kiss match, generally a drawn game.


Fiction--A lie with holiday clothes on.


Hen--A lay member.


Law--The shackels ov liberty.


Science--The literature ov truth.


Deceit--A ded wasp with a live tail.


Babys--Dividend.


Miser--A wretch who haz dug out hiz heart tew sto away hiz munny in.