The Coming of Bill Part 46
There was a pause.
"All the same, I wish you wouldn't go."
Ruth did not answer.
"It would be very jolly out at the shack."
Ruth shuddered elaborately and gave a little laugh.
"Would it? It's rather a question of taste. Personally, I can't imagine anything more depressing and uncomfortable than being cooped up in a draughty frame house miles away from anywhere. There's no reason why you should not go, though, if you like that sort of thing. Of course, you must not take Bill."
"Why not?"
Kirk spoke calmly enough, but he was very near the breaking point. All his good resolutions had vanished under the acid of Ruth's manner.
"I couldn't let him rough it like that. Aunt Lora would have a fit."
Conditions being favourable, it only needs a spark to explode a powder magazine; and there are moments when a word can turn an outwardly calm and patient man into a raging maniac. This introduction of Mrs.
Porter's name into the discussion at this particular point broke down the last remnants of Kirk's self-control.
For a few seconds his fury so mastered him that he could not speak.
Then, suddenly, the storm pa.s.sed and he found himself cool and venomous. He looked at Ruth curiously. It seemed incredible to him that he had ever loved her.
"We had better get this settled," he said in a hard, quiet voice.
Ruth started. She had never heard him speak like this before. She had not imagined him capable of speaking in that way. Even in the days when she had loved him most she had never looked up to him. She had considered his nature weak, and she had loved his weakness. Except in the case of her father, she had always dominated the persons with whom she mixed; and she had taken it for granted that her will was stronger than Kirk's. Something in his voice now told her that she had under-estimated him.
"Get what settled?" she asked, and was furious with herself because her voice shook.
"Is Mrs. Porter the mother of the child, or are you? What has Mrs.
Porter to do with it? Why should I ask her permission? How does it happen to be any business of Mrs. Porter's at all?"
Ruth felt baffled. He was giving her no chance to take the offensive.
There was nothing in his tone which she could openly resent. He was not shouting at her, he was speaking quietly. There was nothing for her to do but answer the question, and she knew that her answer would give him another point in the contest. Even as she spoke she knew that her words were ridiculous.
"Aunt Lora has been wonderful with him. No child could have been better looked after."
"I know she has used him as a vehicle for her particular form of insanity, but that's not the point. What I am asking is why she was introduced at all."
"I told you. When you were away, Bill nearly----"
"Died. I know. I'm not forgetting that. And naturally for a time you were frightened. It is just possible that for the moment you lost your head and honestly thought that Mrs. Porter's methods were the only chance for him. But that state of mind could not last all the time with you. You are not a crank like your aunt. You are a perfectly sensible, level-headed woman. And you must have seen the idiocy of it all long before I came back. Why did you let it go on?"
Ruth did not answer.
"I will tell you why. Because it saved you trouble. Because it gave you more leisure for the sort of futile waste of time which seems to be the only thing you care for nowadays. Don't trouble to deny it. Do you think I haven't seen in these last few months that Bill bores you to death? Oh, I know you always have some perfect excuse for keeping away from him. It's too much trouble for you to be a mother to him, so you hedge with your conscience by letting Mrs. Porter pamper him and sterilize his toys and all the rest of it, and try to make yourself think that you have done your duty to him. You know that, as far as everything goes that matters, any tenement child is better off than Bill."
"I----"
"You had better let me finish what I have got to say. I will be as brief as I can. That is my case as regards Bill. Now about myself. What do you think I am made of? I've stood it just as long as I could; you have tried me too hard. I'm through. Heaven knows why it should have come to this. It is not so very long ago that Bill was half the world to you and I was the other half. Now, apparently, there is not room in your world for either of us."
Ruth had risen. She was trembling.
"I think we had better end this."
He broke in on her words.
"End it? Yes, you're right. One way or the other. Either go back to the old life or start a new one. What we are living now is a horrible burlesque."
"What do you mean? How start a new life?"
"I mean exactly what I say. In the life you are living now I am an anachronism. I'm a survival. I'm out of date and in the way. You would be freer without me."
"That's absurd."
"Is the idea so novel? Is our marriage the only failure in New York?"
"Do you mean that we ought to separate?"
"Only a little more, a very little more, than we are separated now.
Never see each other again instead of seeing each other for a few minutes every day. It's not a very big step to take."
Ruth sat down and rested her chin on her hand, staring at nothing. Kirk went to the window and looked out.
Over the park the sky was black. In the room behind him the light had faded till it seemed as if night were come. The air was heavy and stifling. A flicker of lightning came and went in the darkness over the trees.
He turned abruptly.
"It is the only reasonable thing to do. Our present mode of life is a farce. We are drifting farther apart every day. Perhaps I have changed.
I know you have. We are two strangers chained together. We have made a muddle of it, and the best thing we can do is to admit it.
"I am no good to you. I have no part in your present life. You're the queen and I'm just the prince consort, the fellow who happens to be Mrs. Winfield's husband. It's not a pleasant part to have to play, and I have had enough of it. We had better separate before we hate each other. You have your amus.e.m.e.nts. I have my work. We can continue them apart. We shall both be better off."
He stopped. Ruth did not speak. She was still sitting in the same att.i.tude. It was too dark to see her face. It formed a little splash of white in the dusk. She did not move.
Kirk went to the door.
"I'm going up to say good-bye to Bill. Have you anything to say against that? And I shall say good-bye to him in my own way."
She made no sign that she had heard him.
"Good-bye," he said again.
The door closed.
Up in the nursery Bill crooned to himself as he played on the floor.
Mamie sat in a chair, sewing. The opening of the door caused them to look up simultaneously.