The Book of Anecdotes and Budget of Fun Part 9
When Madame de Stael published her celebrated novel of _Delphine_, she was supposed to have painted herself in the person of the heroine, and M. Talleyrand in that of an elderly lady, who is one of the princ.i.p.al characters. "They tell me," said he, the first time he met her, "that we are both of us in your novel, in the disguise of women."
Rulhieres, the celebrated author of the work on the Polish revolution, having said, "I never did but one mischievous work in my life." "And when will it be ended?" was Talleyrand's reply.
"Is not Geneva dull?" asked a friend of Talleyrand. "Especially when they amuse themselves," was the reply.
"She is insupportable," said Talleyrand, with marked emphasis, of one well known; but, as if he had gone too far, and to take off something of what he had said, he added, "it is her only defect."
BUSSING.
BUSS--to kiss. Re-bus--to kiss again. Blunder-buss--two girls kissing each other. Omni-bus--to kiss all the girls in the room. Bus-ter--a general kisser. _E pluri_-bus _unum_--a thousand kisses in one.
WANTED.
"YOU want a flogging, that's what you do;" said a parent to his unruly son. "I know it, dad; but I'll try to get along without it," replied the brat.
NATIONAL SCHOOL SCENES.
The following anecdotes were told by the late Bishop of Chichester, as having occurred to himself.
AT the annual examination of the Charity Schools, around the city of Chichester, he was seated in the front row of the school room, together with his daughters, and the family of the n.o.ble house of Richmond, when the Bishop kindly took part in the examination, and put several questions. To one boy, he said, "We have all sinned and come short of the glory of G.o.d. Now, does that pa.s.sage mean that _every one_ of us has sinned?" The boy hesitated--but upon a repet.i.tion of the question, the lad replied, "Every one except your Lordship, and the company sitting on the front form." The same Bishop, at one of his Confirmations, saw a school girl inclined to be inattentive and troublesome; he therefore held up his finger as a warning. These children, being accustomed to _signs_ from their teachers, of which they were expected to declare the meaning, did not suppose that the elevation of the Bishop's finger, was an exception to their general rule of reply to such tokens, they therefore all arose together, and from the middle of the Church exclaimed in an exulting tone, "_perpendicular_," to the astonishment and consternation of the better inclined, and to the amus.e.m.e.nt, we fear, of not a few of the congregation.
MRS. PARTINGTON.
"SO there's another rupture of Mount Vociferous," said Mrs. Partington, as she put up her specs; "the paper tells us about the burning lather running down the mountain, but it don't tell how it got a fire."
AN HIBERNIAN M. P.
A VERY laughable incident occurred in the House of Commons. An Irish member, whose name I will not mention, having risen, he was a.s.sailed by loud cries of "Spoke! Spoke!" meaning, that having spoken once already, he had no right to do it a second time. He had, evidently, a second speech struggling in his breast for an introduction into the world, when seeing after remaining for some time on his legs, that there was not the slightest chance of being suffered to deliver a sentence of it, he observed, with imperturbable gravity, and in a rich Tipperary brogue, "If honorable gintlemin suppose that I was going to spake again, they are quite mistaken. I merely rose for the purpose of saying that I had nothing more to say on the subject." The house was convulsed with laughter, for a few seconds afterwards, at the exceeding ready wit of the Hibernian M. P.--_Random Recollections of the Lords and Commons.--New Series._
MODESTY.
THERE is a young lady down east, so excessively modest, that every night before retiring, she closes the window curtain, to prevent the "man in the moon" from looking in. She is related to the young lady who would not allow the _Christian Observer_ to remain in her room over night.
AMERICAN TOAST.
"THE ladies; the only endurable aristocracy, who rule without laws--judge without jury--decide without appeal, and are never in the wrong."
Pa.s.sING A COUNTERFEIT.
DIGGS saw a note lying on the ground, but knew that it was a counterfeit, and walked on without picking it up. He told the story to Smithers, when the latter said:
"Do you know, Diggs, you have committed a very grave offence?"
"Why, what have I done?"
"You have pa.s.sed a counterfeit bill, knowing it to be such," said Smithers, without a smile, and fled.
LORD CHESTERFIELD.
LORD Chesterfield being given to understand that he would die by inches, very philosophically replied, "If that be the case, I am happy that I am not so tall as Sir Thomas Robinson."
A PENNY.
A GOOD woman called on Dr. B---- one day in a great deal of trouble, and complained that her son had swallowed a penny. "Pray madam," said the Doctor, "was it a counterfeit?" "No, Sir, certainly not;" was the reply.
"Then it will pa.s.s, of course," rejoined the facetious physician.