School Room Humour Part 13
TEACHER: "Now, little ones, you can take off your warm overcoats. Can the bear take his off?"
LITTLE ONES: "No, miss!"
TEACHER: "Why not?"
DELIGHTED LITTLE ONE: "Because only G.o.d knows where the b.u.t.tons are!"
"The anshent Britons painted themselves all over blue with the juce obtained from the tree o nolledge of Good and Evil."--FROM HARRYS COMPOSITION EXERCISE.
TEACHER: "What is a widow?"
LITTLE GIRL: "A lady what marries the lodger!"
TEACHER: "What is this?"
YOUNG HOPEFUL: "A picture of a monkey."
TEACHER: "Can any child tell me what a monkey can do?"
YOUNG HOPEFUL: "Please, teacher, a monkey can climb up a tree."
TEACHER: "Yes, and what else can a monkey do?"
YOUNG HOPEFUL: "Please, teacher, climb down again!"
BOY (reading): "She threw herself into the river. Her husband, horror-stricken, rushed to the bank----"
TEACHER (interposing): "What did he run to the bank for?"
BOY: "To get the insurance money!"
H.M. INSPECTOR: "If twenty feet of an iceberg be _above_ the water, about how much is _below_ the water?"
JIM: "All the rest!"
TOMMY: "Mamma, who made the lions and the elephants?"
MAMMA: "G.o.d, my dear."
TOMMY: "And did He make the flies, too?"
MAMMA: "Yes, my dear."
TOMMY (after a period of profound reflection): "Fiddlin work making flies!"
TEACHER: "Why cannot we hear the bear walk about?"
CHILD IN LANCASHIRE TOWN: "Because it hasnt got no clogs on!"
H.M. Inspector was examining a cla.s.s of infants on the value of money.
He held up a threepenny-piece and a penny. "Now, my children, which would you rather have, this small piece of money or the large one?" A little one held up her hand. "Well?" "Please, sir, the large one." "And why would you rather have the large one?" "Because my mother would make me put the threepenny-bit in my money-box, but I could spend the penny."
Tommy is in the Second Standard, and aged eight. The cla.s.s was asked to write a short letter to teacher describing their doings on Guy Fawkes night. He began in right good style with the orthodox "Dear Miss C----."
Everything went quietly till the close. It was then that Tommy shone. He wound up: "I remain, your loving son in who I am well pleased,----"
"Manners is a very good thing when you are trying for a situation."--FROM JAMES HENRYS COMPOSITION.
The essay was upon "Dreams." One boy who has a great dread of arithmetic dreamt he was in heaven, where his teacher kept calling out, "No sums right, stand up!"
TEACHER: "Well, well, James! Home lesson sums all wrong!"
JAMES: "Yes, teacher. I knew they would be. Father would help me!"
THE END.
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