Samantha at Coney Island Part 16
Sez Bildad, "The last time I see him he wuz startin' to take a trip to the Moon."
Oh what a shock that wuz, Josiah goin' to the moon; and yet even as he spoke I felt a relief, knowin' man's fickle nater, that the only inhabitant I ever hearn on in the moon wuz an old man instead of a woman. For few indeed are the men that will stand without hitchin,'
and as for girl blinders, they won't wear 'em, much as they need 'em from the cradle to the grave.
"When wuz he layin' out to return?" sez I in a tremblin' voice.
"Oh they take trips there every half hour."
Thinks I, to-day I go there myself, and Josiah Allen will come down to earth agin' if I know myself. But not one word did I say to demean my pardner. Breakfast wuz ready and I sot down. But my emotions filled me up. I couldn't seem to have any place for meat vittles, I couldn't eat anything but some bread and b.u.t.ter and a gla.s.s of milk. A female settin' by me sez, "You're not goin' to eat loose milk, are you?"
"Loose!" sez I, "Why should milk be tied up? I never wuz afraid on't."
"I mean milk that hain't bottled," sez she. "I wouldn't eat loose milk for the world." And she being enthusiastick gin a long eulogy of the good men who wuz tryin' to save poor babies by givin' 'em pure milk, and she talked bitter about the men who opposed the idee for fear it would pauperize the babies.
And I told her it wouldn't make much difference with the babies pizened by microby milk whether they died pauperized or onpauperized.
Well, I didn't know whether the milk wuz loose or tight, but I eat it rapidly, so's to begin my hunt. I'd slep' some on the cars, and when I had changed my parmetty waist for a brown gingham shirt waist, and washed my face, and brushed back my hair, I wuz ready to start. The room they gin me wuz so small I thought I would have to go out in the hall to change my mind. But I did manage to change my waist. Bildad's old colored woman wuz singin' as she made the bed in the next room that old him "Pull for the Sh.o.r.e." She sung:
"Pull for the sh.o.r.e, brother, Pull for the sh.o.r.e, Heed not the rollin' pins, Bend to the oar--
Leave the poor old straddled wreck And pull for the sh.o.r.e."
She didn't git the words right, but her voice wuz melogious, and as I listened my soul parodied the words to suit my needs. Yes, I felt that I must "bend to the oar" of my purpose, I must not "heed the rollin'
waves" of weariness and anxiety, must leave "the poor old stranded wreck" of my domestic happiness and security and pull for Josiah.
Luny Park wuz only a few steps from Bildad's and anon I stood before what seemed to be a great city, gorgeous below and way up above the thronged streets and mountains and flower-decked declivities, endless white towers riz up as if callin' attention to 'em. And I didn't know but the place had been lied about, and I asked a bystander if any of 'em wuz meetin' house steeples.
He laughed in derision at me, and I pa.s.sed on and come to a lot of girls dressed up in red, and settin' in chariots like them old Roman females used to go to war in. I asked one on 'em if she wuz layin' out to go to Mexico, and she replied "Ten cents," and shoved out a piece of paper to me.
[Ill.u.s.tration: "_I stood before what seemed to be a great city. Endless white towers riz up as if callin' attention to 'em._"
(_See page 226_)]
I see she wuz luny as the park, but didn't argy, and pa.s.sed on furder when a man out of a row of great tall men dressed in red, took the piece of paper from me. He took it right out of my hand, and if there is anything wrong goin' on between him and the girl that gin it to me I hain't to blame, and want it understood that I hain't.
Anon I see a dancin' pavilion big enough for all the folks in Jonesville and Zoar to dance in at one time. But I never thought of dancin' or two-steppin' myself, though the music wuz enticin' to them easy enticed. But knowin' the infinite variety of fads my pardner had indulged in, I cast some searchin' glances at the dancers and two-steppers as I went past, but to my relief I see that he wuz not among 'em.
On the left side, as I strolled along, I see a big butcher shop, with hull sides of beef, mutton, pork, hams, chickens, etc., hangin' up.
And a long counter, piled full of invitin' lookin' pieces ready to roast or brile. The butcher in a clean white ap.r.o.n stood behind the counter. Everything looked good and clean, but I'd hearn of city meat givin' toe main pizen, and knowin' Josiah's fondness for meat vittles--I asked anxiously, "Are you sure the critters this meat come from hadn't got cow consumption, or hog cholera?"
A friendly female standin' by said, "Every mite of that is candy."
And she offered me a piece of sa.s.sidge, and asked which I preferred, wintergreen or peppermint.
I answered mekanically that I seasoned my sa.s.sidge with sage and pepper. Agin she affirmed that everything in the butcher shop wuz candy.
I didn't argy, but merely said, "It is enough to deceive the very electioneers."
Sez she, "I spoze you mean politicians, and that's so, if they're deceived anyone can be."
I wuz talkin' Bible but didn't explain, and walked onwards. The F. F.
(friendly female) come too, and pretty soon we come to what they called a new-matic tube and the F. F. explained it to me, sez she, "You are shet into a car made of iron and it runs with a deafenin'
roar into a dark tunnel, and all to once the car slides down twenty feet and dashes through another dark tunnel and then comes out where you went in. If it wuzn't for the dretful noise," sez she, "it would seem like a grave. Don't you want to try it?"
"No, mom," sez I, "I shan't git into any coffin' and grave till my time comes."
"Well," sez she, "I'm goin' into the Scenic Railway, won't you come too?" And not wantin' to act hauty and high-headed I bought a ticket and went in with her. It looked some like a great high rock with a cavern hollered out, and a huge devil's head with a waterfall flowin'
out of its mouth. I knowed the devil couldn't hurt us as long as he kep' his mouth full of water. So we got on a car with about ten other folks and they locked us in and we went right up I calculated about half a mild, though I didn't measure, and then we sailed off and first I knew there wuz Havana Harbor, war ships, forts, etc., and the city.
But we didn't stop for refreshments, for all of a sudden down we went probably half a mild right straight down. I ketched holt of the F. F.
and she ketched holt of me. When all to once we wuz to the North Pole, ice, snow drifts, white bears, etc., surrounded us and a sign with Dr.
Cook on it.
The F. F. riz up and yelled to the conductor to stop. Sez she, "I want to get out to the Pole, I want to discover it! I want to git my name in the papers! I want to be talked about!" sez she.
We wuz goin' up a tremengous mountain, and he sez, "Set down or you _will_ git your name in the death notices."
Whether he laid out to kill her I don't know, for she set down. And jest then somebody yells, "Here we go down to the bottomless pit."
I sez to the F. F., "I can't believe it! 'Tain't so! It must be Pugatory!"
But there wuz the sign, "h.e.l.l."
[Ill.u.s.tration: "_On we went under the waterfall, up, up, down, down, and finally shot out jest where we got in._" (_See page 232_)]
"Oh!" I groaned out in agony, "what have I ever done to merit this!
Have I ever been mean enough to Josiah?" But there they wuz, fiery pits, big devils and little ones with pitchforks and darts, etc. Only one thought a.s.suaged my torment, my Josiah wuzn't there. But in a minute up we went, up--up--and come out to an open place, where I see what I thought wuz Heaven, but it wuz only Coney Island, but after what I'd been through even that worldly frivolous spot looked heavenly to me. On we went under the waterfall, up, up, down, down, through hot countries and cold, and finally shot out jest where we got in.
CHAPTER FIFTEEN
I VISIT THE MOON, THE WITCHIN' WAVES, OPEN AIR CIRCUS, ADVISE THE MONKEYS, MAKE THE MALE STATUTE LAUGH, BUT DO NOT FIND JOSIAH
CHAPTER FIFTEEN
I VISIT THE MOON, THE WITCHIN' WAVES, OPEN AIR CIRCUS, ADVISE THE MONKEYS, MAKE THE MALE STATUTE LAUGH, BUT DO NOT FIND JOSIAH
The Witching Waves is a track that moves up and down in waves.
Scientific folks say that it is a mechanical wonder. I couldn't see how it wuz done. I couldn't make one to save my life. Folks git into little automobiles and steer 'em themselves and first they know some unseen power under 'em lifts the track right up, and of course their car goes too with it. Then anon the track will go way down, and they with it, mebby meetin' another car down there, and they will be all mixed up, but first they know the track will hist up agin under 'em and they have to foller it up agin. Dretful curious spot, well called Witching Waves. But every owner of an auto sees curious times, and feels witchin' waves, yes indeed!
Why, I hearn about a little girl who happened to hear a man swearin'
dretfully at sunthin and he apoligized.
"Oh," sez she, "I'm used to it, my papa owns a car." But 'tain't necessary to swear at 'em, it don't do no good, besides the wickedness on't.
[Ill.u.s.tration: THE WITCHING WAVES "_Folks get into little automobiles and steer 'em themselves._" (_See page 235_)]