More Toasts Part 96

More Toasts Part 96

18 (otherwise)--"Think about it? I eat it nearly every day--only we call it hash."


HASTE


Ten people hurry, to catch up where one hurries to get ahead.


The more haste, ever the worst speed.--_Churchill_.


Whoever is in a hurry shows that the thing he is about is too big for him. Haste and hurry are very different things.--_Chesterfield_.


HEAVEN


A Sunday-school teacher was quizzing her cla.s.s of boys on the strength of their desire for righteousness.


"All those who wish to go to heaven," she said, "please stand."


All got to their feet but one small boy.


"Why, Johnny," exclaimed the shocked teacher, "do you mean to say that you dont want to go to heaven?"


"No, maam," replied Johnny promptly. "Not if that bunch is going."


THE COOK--"Sir! Sir! Theres a _Zeplin_ outside and if you dont come wi the keys of the cellar, well all be in--in--heaven in a couple o


minutes!"


THE CURATE--"G.o.d forbid!"


One of the prominent deacons in an Ohio church was seriously ill.


As he was very popular among the congregation, a bulletin board was posted in front of the church to inform of his condition. It read:


"One oclock. Deacon Jones very ill."


"Two oclock. Deacon Jones is worse and sinking rapidly."


"Three oclock. Deacon Jones dead."


A traveling man pa.s.sing by that evening read the bulletin and, seeing no one in sight, added at the bottom:


"Seven oclock. Great excitement in Heaven. Deacon Jones has not arrived. The worst is feared."


"Ma, do cows and bees go to heaven?"


"Mercy, child, what a question! Why?"


"Cause if they dont, the milk and honey the preacher said was up there must be all canned stuff."


"Say, mama, was baby sent down from heaven?"


"Why, yes."


"Um. They like to have it quiet up there, dont they?"


_See also_ Future life.


h.e.l.l


_See_ Future life.


HEREDITY


"What is heredity?"


"Something a father believes in until his son starts to act like a fool."


HEROES


"So you won the Distinguished Service Cross for conspicuous bravery in extreme danger. Didnt you feel shaky?"


"Not until I lined up for the general to pin it on me."


An average American soldier.