More Toasts Part 46

More Toasts Part 46

"You are wrong, my dear! Nothing you left out could make a pie taste like this. Its something you put in."


COOKS


_See_ Servants


COOPERATION


It is not the guns or armament Or the money they can pay; Its the close cooperation That makes them win the day; Its not the individual Or the army as a whole But the everlasting team work Of every blooming soul.


--_Kipling_.


CORPULENCE


A very fat old lady who got stuck in the door of a car could get neither out nor in.


"Sideways, maam. Try sideways," the conductor shouted helpfully.


"Oh, drat the feller," panted the old lady. "I aint got no sideways."


"Excuse me, madam, would you mind walking the other way and not pa.s.sing the horse?" said an English cabman, with exaggerated politeness, to the fat woman who had just paid a minimum fare, with no fee.


"Why?" she inquired.


"Because if e sees wot es been carrying for so little money ell ave a fit," was the freezing answer.


CORRESPONDENCE SCHOOLS


_The Stamp of Learning_


"Pa, whats a postgraduate?"


"A fellow who graduates from one of those correspondence schools, I suppose."


COSMOPOLITANISM


JOE--"Ere, Curly! You know everything-whats a cosmopolitan?"


CURLY--"Well, its like this-suppose you was a Russian Jew livin


in England married to a black woman an youd just finished a bit of Irish stew an was smokin an Egyptian cigaret, while a German band outside was playin the Blue Bells o Scotland--youd be a cosmopolitan."


COST OF LIVING


"He has got the first dollar that he ever earned!"


"What a bally a.s.s! Think how much more he could have bought with it had he spent it then!"


"She says she prefers to do her shopping by telephone."


"Why so?"


"Says she cant bear to see how little she is getting for the money."


"Hows business?"


"Not too good--thanks to some dishonest rascals who are selling goods at reasonable prices."


"Did you try the simple plan of counting sheep for your insomnia?"


"Yes, doctor, but I made a mess of it. I counted ten thousand sheep, put em on the train, and shipped em to market. And when Id got through counting the money I got for them at present prices it was time to get up."


"Father, I need a new riding habit."


"Cant afford it," he growled.


"But, father, what am I to do without a riding habit?"


"Get the walking habit."


In these days of the high cost of living the following story has a decided point: