More Toasts Part 1 More Toasts Part 2 More Toasts Part 3 More Toasts Part 4 More Toasts Part 5 More Toasts Part 6 More Toasts Part 7 More Toasts Part 8 More Toasts Part 9 More Toasts Part 10 More Toasts Part 11 More Toasts Part 12 More Toasts Part 13 More Toasts Part 14 More Toasts Part 15 More Toasts Part 16 More Toasts Part 17 More Toasts Part 18 More Toasts Part 19 More Toasts Part 20 More Toasts Part 21 More Toasts Part 22 More Toasts Part 23 More Toasts Part 24 More Toasts Part 25 More Toasts Part 26 More Toasts Part 27 More Toasts Part 28 More Toasts Part 29 More Toasts Part 30 More Toasts Part 31 More Toasts Part 32 More Toasts Part 33 More Toasts Part 34 More Toasts Part 35 More Toasts Part 36 More Toasts Part 37 More Toasts Part 38 More Toasts Part 39 More Toasts Part 40 More Toasts Part 41 More Toasts Part 42 More Toasts Part 43 More Toasts Part 44 More Toasts Part 45 More Toasts Part 46 More Toasts Part 47 More Toasts Part 48 More Toasts Part 49 More Toasts Part 50 More Toasts Part 51 More Toasts Part 52 More Toasts Part 53 More Toasts Part 54 More Toasts Part 55 More Toasts Part 56 More Toasts Part 57 More Toasts Part 58 More Toasts Part 59 More Toasts Part 60 More Toasts Part 61 More Toasts Part 62 More Toasts Part 63 More Toasts Part 64 More Toasts Part 65 More Toasts Part 66 More Toasts Part 67 More Toasts Part 68 More Toasts Part 69 More Toasts Part 70 More Toasts Part 71 More Toasts Part 72 More Toasts Part 73 More Toasts Part 74 More Toasts Part 75 More Toasts Part 76 More Toasts Part 77 More Toasts Part 78 More Toasts Part 79 More Toasts Part 80 More Toasts Part 81 More Toasts Part 82 More Toasts Part 83 More Toasts Part 84 More Toasts Part 85 More Toasts Part 86 More Toasts Part 87 More Toasts Part 88 More Toasts Part 89 More Toasts Part 90 More Toasts Part 91 More Toasts Part 92 More Toasts Part 93 More Toasts Part 94 More Toasts Part 95 More Toasts Part 96 More Toasts Part 97 More Toasts Part 98 More Toasts Part 99 More Toasts Part 100 More Toasts Part 101 More Toasts Part 102 More Toasts Part 103 More Toasts Part 104 More Toasts Part 105 More Toasts Part 106 More Toasts Part 107 More Toasts Part 108 More Toasts Part 109 More Toasts Part 110 More Toasts Part 111 More Toasts Part 112 More Toasts Part 113 More Toasts Part 114 More Toasts Part 115 More Toasts Part 116 More Toasts Part 117 More Toasts Part 118 More Toasts Part 119 More Toasts Part 120 More Toasts Part 121 More Toasts Part 122 More Toasts Part 123 More Toasts Part 124 More Toasts Part 125 More Toasts Part 126 More Toasts Part 127 More Toasts Part 128 More Toasts Part 129 More Toasts Part 130 More Toasts Part 131 More Toasts Part 132 More Toasts Part 133 More Toasts Part 134 More Toasts Part 135 More Toasts Part 136 More Toasts Part 137 More Toasts Part 138 More Toasts Part 139 More Toasts Part 140 More Toasts Part 141 More Toasts Part 142 More Toasts Part 143 More Toasts Part 144 More Toasts Part 145 More Toasts Part 146 More Toasts Part 147 More Toasts Part 148 More Toasts Part 149 More Toasts Part 150 More Toasts Part 151 More Toasts Part 152 More Toasts Part 153 More Toasts Part 154 More Toasts Part 155 More Toasts Part 156 More Toasts Part 157 More Toasts Part 158 More Toasts Part 159 More Toasts Part 160 More Toasts Part 161 More Toasts Part 162 More Toasts Part 163 More Toasts Part 164 More Toasts Part 165 More Toasts Part 166 More Toasts Part 167 More Toasts Part 168 More Toasts Part 169 More Toasts Part 170 More Toasts Part 171 More Toasts Part 172 More Toasts Part 173 More Toasts Part 174 More Toasts Part 175 More Toasts Part 176 More Toasts Part 177 More Toasts Part 178 More Toasts Part 179 More Toasts Part 180 More Toasts Part 181 More Toasts Part 182 More Toasts Part 183 More Toasts Part 184 More Toasts Part 185 More Toasts Part 186 More Toasts Part 187 More Toasts Part 188 More Toasts Part 189 More Toasts Part 190 More Toasts Part 191 More Toasts Part 192 More Toasts Part 193 More Toasts Part 194 More Toasts Part 195 More Toasts Part 196 More Toasts Part 197 More Toasts Part 198 More Toasts Part 199 More Toasts Part 200 More Toasts Part 201 More Toasts Part 202 More Toasts Part 203 More Toasts Part 204 More Toasts Part 205 More Toasts Part 206 More Toasts Part 207 More Toasts Part 208 More Toasts Part 209 More Toasts Part 210 More Toasts Part 211 More Toasts Part 212 More Toasts Part 213 More Toasts Part 214 More Toasts Part 215 More Toasts Part 216 More Toasts Part 217
More Toasts Part 108
Q. Born? A. Yes; once.
Q. Nativity? A. Baptist.
Q. Married or single? A. Have been both.
Q. Parents alive yet? A. Not yet.
Q. Hair? A. Thin.
Q. Voice? A. Weak.
Q. Healthy? A. Sometimes.
Q. Previous experience? A. No.
Q. Where? A. Different places.
Q. Business? A. Rotten.
Q. Salary expected? A. More.
Q. Drink? A. Not in dry states.
Q. Why do you want job? A. Wife wont work any more.
INVESTMENTS
SMITH--"I see stocks took a drop."
JONES--"Took a drop? I should say they took the whole bottle."
No one should have to coax you into any investment. It either looks good to you or it doesnt. You either want it or you dont. But be sure you are influenced by facts alone.
"Goodness is the only investment that never fails."--_Th.o.r.eau_.
"Time is money," said Uncle Eben; "but jes the same, de man dat finds himself wif a lot o time on his hands has made a poor investment."
"Sir, this is a golden opportunity! Small investment, no risk, and enormous returns absolutely sure."
"Then I wouldnt have the heart to deprive you of it."--_Life_.
THE SUITOR--"I hope, sir, that you will consider me in the nature of an investment, even if I may not pay regular dividends."
THE GIRLS FATHER--"My dear boy, dont talk of dividends. I shall be glad if you dont levy regular a.s.sessments on me."--_Life_.
TOMMY--"Father, whats the future of the verb invest?"
FATHER (a Congressman)--"Investigation."
IRELAND
We have all heard of the "far flung" British Empire. The only trouble with it is that Ireland was not flung far enough.
"Did you go to the fight last night?"
"No, I went to hear the lecture on Ireland."
"Oh--who won?"
IRISH BULLS
PAT--"After all, its a great pleasure to be missed by someone."
MIKE--"Shure it is, Pat; if yez can be there t enjy it."
At Camp Grant there is an Irish sergeant who is quick tempered. One day when he was trying to drill a squad of raw recruits he suddenly became angry and exclaimed: "Halt! Just come over here, all of ye, and look at yourselves! Its a fine line yere keeping, isnt it?"
"Pat, whats that piece of blank paper you have in your hand?" asked one Irishman of another.
"Oh, thats a letter from my wife."
"How do you mean a letter from your wife? Sure, theres no writing on it."
"Of course not. The missus and myself are not on speaking terms."
OHOULIHAN--"Pwhuts a pessimist, Mike?"
More Toasts Part 1 More Toasts Part 2 More Toasts Part 3 More Toasts Part 4 More Toasts Part 5 More Toasts Part 6 More Toasts Part 7 More Toasts Part 8 More Toasts Part 9 More Toasts Part 10 More Toasts Part 11 More Toasts Part 12 More Toasts Part 13 More Toasts Part 14 More Toasts Part 15 More Toasts Part 16 More Toasts Part 17 More Toasts Part 18 More Toasts Part 19 More Toasts Part 20 More Toasts Part 21 More Toasts Part 22 More Toasts Part 23 More Toasts Part 24 More Toasts Part 25 More Toasts Part 26 More Toasts Part 27 More Toasts Part 28 More Toasts Part 29 More Toasts Part 30 More Toasts Part 31 More Toasts Part 32 More Toasts Part 33 More Toasts Part 34 More Toasts Part 35 More Toasts Part 36 More Toasts Part 37 More Toasts Part 38 More Toasts Part 39 More Toasts Part 40 More Toasts Part 41 More Toasts Part 42 More Toasts Part 43 More Toasts Part 44 More Toasts Part 45 More Toasts Part 46 More Toasts Part 47 More Toasts Part 48 More Toasts Part 49 More Toasts Part 50 More Toasts Part 51 More Toasts Part 52 More Toasts Part 53 More Toasts Part 54 More Toasts Part 55 More Toasts Part 56 More Toasts Part 57 More Toasts Part 58 More Toasts Part 59 More Toasts Part 60 More Toasts Part 61 More Toasts Part 62 More Toasts Part 63 More Toasts Part 64 More Toasts Part 65 More Toasts Part 66 More Toasts Part 67 More Toasts Part 68 More Toasts Part 69 More Toasts Part 70 More Toasts Part 71 More Toasts Part 72 More Toasts Part 73 More Toasts Part 74 More Toasts Part 75 More Toasts Part 76 More Toasts Part 77 More Toasts Part 78 More Toasts Part 79 More Toasts Part 80 More Toasts Part 81 More Toasts Part 82 More Toasts Part 83 More Toasts Part 84 More Toasts Part 85 More Toasts Part 86 More Toasts Part 87 More Toasts Part 88 More Toasts Part 89 More Toasts Part 90 More Toasts Part 91 More Toasts Part 92 More Toasts Part 93 More Toasts Part 94 More Toasts Part 95 More Toasts Part 96 More Toasts Part 97 More Toasts Part 98 More Toasts Part 99 More Toasts Part 100 More Toasts Part 101 More Toasts Part 102 More Toasts Part 103 More Toasts Part 104 More Toasts Part 105 More Toasts Part 106 More Toasts Part 107 More Toasts Part 108 More Toasts Part 109 More Toasts Part 110 More Toasts Part 111 More Toasts Part 112 More Toasts Part 113 More Toasts Part 114 More Toasts Part 115 More Toasts Part 116 More Toasts Part 117 More Toasts Part 118 More Toasts Part 119 More Toasts Part 120 More Toasts Part 121 More Toasts Part 122 More Toasts Part 123 More Toasts Part 124 More Toasts Part 125 More Toasts Part 126 More Toasts Part 127 More Toasts Part 128 More Toasts Part 129 More Toasts Part 130 More Toasts Part 131 More Toasts Part 132 More Toasts Part 133 More Toasts Part 134 More Toasts Part 135 More Toasts Part 136 More Toasts Part 137 More Toasts Part 138 More Toasts Part 139 More Toasts Part 140 More Toasts Part 141 More Toasts Part 142 More Toasts Part 143 More Toasts Part 144 More Toasts Part 145 More Toasts Part 146 More Toasts Part 147 More Toasts Part 148 More Toasts Part 149 More Toasts Part 150 More Toasts Part 151 More Toasts Part 152 More Toasts Part 153 More Toasts Part 154 More Toasts Part 155 More Toasts Part 156 More Toasts Part 157 More Toasts Part 158 More Toasts Part 159 More Toasts Part 160 More Toasts Part 161 More Toasts Part 162 More Toasts Part 163 More Toasts Part 164 More Toasts Part 165 More Toasts Part 166 More Toasts Part 167 More Toasts Part 168 More Toasts Part 169 More Toasts Part 170 More Toasts Part 171 More Toasts Part 172 More Toasts Part 173 More Toasts Part 174 More Toasts Part 175 More Toasts Part 176 More Toasts Part 177 More Toasts Part 178 More Toasts Part 179 More Toasts Part 180 More Toasts Part 181 More Toasts Part 182 More Toasts Part 183 More Toasts Part 184 More Toasts Part 185 More Toasts Part 186 More Toasts Part 187 More Toasts Part 188 More Toasts Part 189 More Toasts Part 190 More Toasts Part 191 More Toasts Part 192 More Toasts Part 193 More Toasts Part 194 More Toasts Part 195 More Toasts Part 196 More Toasts Part 197 More Toasts Part 198 More Toasts Part 199 More Toasts Part 200 More Toasts Part 201 More Toasts Part 202 More Toasts Part 203 More Toasts Part 204 More Toasts Part 205 More Toasts Part 206 More Toasts Part 207 More Toasts Part 208 More Toasts Part 209 More Toasts Part 210 More Toasts Part 211 More Toasts Part 212 More Toasts Part 213 More Toasts Part 214 More Toasts Part 215 More Toasts Part 216 More Toasts Part 217