Maria-sama ga Miteru Volume 10 Chapter 2
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"Whats the matter, Shimako-san?"
When she came to her senses, Shimako was in the courtyard.
"&h.e.l.lip; Ahh, Tsutako-san."
The one who brought her back to Earth was her first-year cla.s.smate.
"Am I interrupting?"
"No."
Shimako shook her head, gladly welcoming Tsutako-san.
It was Wednesday morning.
Since shed arrived at school earlier than usual, Shimako had made her way over to the courtyard and had been s.p.a.cing out.
It was always like that when she thought deeply about something. She didnt have any spare capacity to pay attention to the world around her as she withdrew into her own inner world. It wasnt her intention to build a wall around her, but the result seemed to be an atmosphere that made it difficult for others to approach her.
"Those were some deep sighs."
"Really?"
"Your expression isnt too bad, but - "
As she spoke, Tstuako-san set the cameras flash off.
The girl from the photography club always carried a camera with her and would press the shutter like that whenever the mood struck her.
"Its more fun to look at Shimako-san when shes like this."
Tsutako-san pulled a bundle of photographs out of her side skirt pocket, selected one of them and held it out to Shimako.
"It was such a joyous expression that I took the photo on instinct. If you dont mind, Id like you to have this."
It was a picture of Shimakos face that she had never seen until now. It was an unguarded shot of her laughing heartily and, as Tsutako-san had said, it was definitely a joyous expression.
"Thank-you."
She certainly hadnt been laughing so wholeheartedly in recent times. Shimako looked up into the sky. It felt strange to be reminiscing about her earlier self when it had only been 10 or 15 days since the event.
"The girl with her back to the camera, the bob-haired first-year &h.e.l.lip; umm."
"Noriko?"
"Right, Noriko-chan. Shes good, this girl."
Tsutako-san trained her camera on Shimako.
"As a subject?"
Click.
"Shes good as that too, but I meant her value as a light reflector."
"A light reflector?"
Click, click. Since Shimako hadnt objected, Tsutako-san was taking photos as fast as she could.
The lovely courtyard with its colorful flowers was popular in early summer and, despite the cloudy weather, a number of students could be seen enjoying a stroll along the paths by the flowerbeds. When they noticed the hastily convened Rosa Gigantea photo shoot, they would occasionally stop and look her way, before returning to the flowers once more.
"See, at a photo shoot, theyll have these boards that reflect light, like a mirror, you know? One of those."
Tsutako-san said, removing the camera from her face.
"What I meant was, she shines the light on Toudou Shimako."
"The light - "
Shimako was touched, for it seemed like such an apt expression. Noriko was the light. Her existence illuminated Shimako, warmed her, and made her sparkle.
"But now youre cloudy. Much like todays weather &h.e.l.lip; Did something happen?"
"Something, hmm."
As Shimako struggled to find the words, Tsutako-san smiled as though shed just been struck by an idea.
"I see. If it was something youd discuss with me, Yumi-san and Yoshino-san would be here too."
"Not at all. I consider you one of my trusted confidants, Tsutako-san."
Shimako quickly shook her head.
Despite being in the same grade, Tsutako-san was quite mature in some respects, so Shimako had no objection to discussing matters with her. Her attentiveness tended to be overshadowed by her nonchalance. Shimako, at present, was predisposed towards Tsutako-sans style of non-intrusive kindness.
"Its just, I dont really know myself. Youre right that Im cloudy at the moment. But I dont know how to become sunny. Noriko shines the light upon me. In the past, that was good enough, but - "
That was why Shimako couldnt discuss this with Yumi-san or Yoshino-san. She couldnt glitter when she was with Noriko inside the Rose Mansion. There was no way she could say that, as it would seem like a rejection of the other Yamayurikai members.
Shimako thought that inviting Noriko to the Rose Mansion hadnt bridged the divide between them. But her thoughts were still in disarray, so she was just going around in circles trying to figure out what to do.
"Ah."
Tsutako-san smiled warmly.
"Shimako-san, you really are Satou Sei-samas pet.i.t soeur."
"Huh?"
"Youre stuck in the same labyrinth."
There was no need to ask what she was talking about. Shimako knew it was definitely that sort of thing.
However, her onee-sama hadnt repeated the same mistake with Shiori-san twice. She held on to Shimakos hand with one hand, while keeping the other free hand held straight out in front of her. Waiting out in front of her were her friends, the public, and the future too.
"Im probably just clumsy."
"Really?"
"It looks like everyones going out of their way to help me."
When Shimako told her about the other days events at the Rose Mansion, Tsutako-san said, "Oh wow," cheerfully agreeing with this sentiment.
"Setting aside your feelings for now, Shimako-san. Its obvious why everyones playing nice. Youre reading too much into it."
"Perhaps youre right."
"One of the most common desires is not to be hated by other people. Dont overdo it, but try to meet them halfway. Its not necessarily a bad thing."
On the other side of her gla.s.s lenses, Tsutako-sans eyes narrowed kindly as she smiled.
"What has me more worried though is you, Shimako-san."
"Me?"
"You must be worn out, looking after both sides."
Click.
"Tsutako-san, you see a lot, dont you?"
"Yeah. Because Im a photographer. When I press the shutter b.u.t.ton, I want to capture whats inside my subjects heart."
"Scary."
Although, if a camera really could peek into what was inside a persons heart, people probably wouldnt have the kind of troubles Shimako was experiencing.
Shimako playfully put her right thumb to her left forefinger, and vice-versa, to create a frame, then looked through this at Tsutako-sans face. However, Tsutako-san quickly hid her face behind her camera, pointed it at Shimako, and pressed down on the shutter b.u.t.ton.
"Ill tell you something I dont tell many people, Shimako-san - I dont like having my photo taken."
"Oh, whys that?"
It seemed hard to believe that the self-proclaimed ace of the photography club was camera shy. Although, when Shimako thought about it, it seemed like Tsutako-san would hardly ever be in a photograph since she was always on the other side of the camera.
"I simply want to be the camera that photographs you, and Yumi-san, and Yoshino-san. I only want to look at that world, I dont want to be captured inside it."
Click, click, went the shutter. Shimako turned directly towards it, and spoke to Tsutako-san on the other side of the lens.
"But if youre only watching, the answer will never be forthcoming."
"Theres no right answer when dealing with human relationships. But suppose there was one model solution out there somewhere, just following that would be boring, dont you think?"
" &h.e.l.lip; I suppose so."
The bell rang out, signaling that cla.s.s would begin soon. The two girls joined the stream of students heading towards the school buildings.
"Tsutako-san."
As they approached the point where they would go their separate ways to their own cla.s.srooms, Shimako called out to Tsutako-san, who was walking ahead of her.
"Why did you tell me that you didnt like it?"
"I dont like it? Ah, you mean how I dont like having my photo taken?"
Tsutako-san turned around and smiled.
"When I see your face, sometimes words just slip out of my mouth, Shimako-san. Keep it a secret from the others, okay?"
The lenses of her frameless gla.s.ses shone like the flash of her camera, and she turned around. Inside her mind, Shimako pressed down on the shutter b.u.t.ton.
Tsutako-san would make such a wonderful photography subject.
Thursday lunch.
Shimako was in the hallway walking towards the Rose Mansion when she ran into Yumi-san and Yoshino-san, who were also heading in the same direction.
"Ah."
Both parties exclaimed softly and, without further discussion, they all naturally started walking together. It may have been presumptuous, but thats how things were with friends. Or, rather, thats the sort of relationship that comes with time.
Rosa Chinensis en bouton, Rosa Foetida en bouton and Rosa Gigantea walked down the corridor together, each carrying their own lunchbox.
It was a scene that could be seen fairly regularly in the high-school building.
"Go-gokigenyou, onee-samas."
A first-year student greeted them shyly then ran away. Even though shed worked up the courage to call out to them, she left before they could return the greeting.
Shimako turned around, following that fluttering white sailor collar with her eyes.
Had that girl been satisfied simply with calling out to them? Watching from a distance, bowing, and then boldly addressing them. It seemed like a rather meager happiness.
And when was it that Shimako found herself no longer satisfied by such a meager happiness?
Just having Noriko by her side still wasnt enough to satisfy her. When Noriko had been introduced to the other members of the Rose Mansion, Shimako had forgotten to feel grateful. If things kept going like they were, it was terrifying to think what kind of arrogant person she would become. Did all human desire simply result in this sort of thing?
"On one, two. Gokigenyou, Rosa Gigantea, Rosa Chinensis en bouton, Rosa Foetida en bouton."
It wasnt unusual to see groups of five or six girls lined up waiting outside the first-year cla.s.srooms. Emboldened by their numbers, sometimes they would even surround Shimako or the boutons, asking various questions.
While they didnt have the presence of Rosa Chinensis or Rosa Foetida, the boutons made up for it with their youth and friendliness. Generally, people were more likely to cheerfully call out when Shimako was with Yoshino-san or Yumi-san, rather than when she was alone. And, as everyone hoped, they would respond openly, increasing their popularity.
But today was somehow different to usual.
"Gokigenyou everyone."
Yoshino-san and Yumi-san smiled glumly as they pa.s.sed the proactive first-years. Sensing they werent in the mood to chat today, the group took a step back and watched them pa.s.s with rapt attention.
"Even hiding their sorrow, the boutons are dreamy &h.e.l.lip; "
The whispered murmurings of their juniors reached Shimakos ears.
"Umm &h.e.l.lip; whats the matter?"
Shimako asked worriedly, however.
"What do you mean, whats the matter?"
Shimako momentarily faltered when they both asked her, looking serious.
"Well &h.e.l.lip; youre both so quiet today?"
"Quiet?"
Yumi-san and Yoshino-san looked at each other.
"Thats right, youve hardly said a word, Yoshino-san."
"You too, Yumi-san, why are you looking so gloomy?"
As for Shimako, she was normally quiet anyway, so n.o.body pointed it out.
"Are we being quiet?"
"Its just her imagination, right?"
The pair seemed to be in denial, as they resumed walking in silence.
Shimako liked to see Yumi-san and Yoshino-san when they were in high spirits, frolicking like puppies. When she saw them joking around, it would bring a smile to her lips too. She adored them because they possessed what she did not.
But today, Yumi-san and Yoshino-san were definitely downbeat about something. It wasnt just her imagination - in their mouths and in their stride, something was weighing down on them.
As they entered the courtyard, all three of them sighed simultaneously.
"What?"
Yoshino-san said, fed up, as she stopped walking.
"What do you mean?"
Yumi-sans lips took on a sour look.
"Is there something bothering you two?"
Shimako inquired tentatively. However.
"Theres no way you can talk to someone whos sighing, right?"
This was sharply pointed out by Yoshino-san.
"Especially when theres not that many different species of sighs."
Silently nodding her head in agreement, it looked as though Yumi-san and Yoshino-sans sighs were of the same species.
Yoshino-sans were probably about Rei-sama.
Yumi-sans were definitely about Sachiko-sama.
They were deeply important people, so it was only natural that they would think about them.
Out in front of their sighs, the Rose Mansion was waiting for them with an open door.
"Shall we go in?"
"I suppose."
They couldnt dilly-dally in the entrance forever. However, Shimako didnt follow her friends inside.
A dark colored tabby cat ran past her feet.
"Shimako-san?"
"Im sorry. Theres something I have to attend to."
Shimako called out as she turned around.
The reason for her behavior was that, suddenly, one persons face had floated into her mind. Consequently, her legs had started to move of their own accord.
But having said that, she didnt actually have any way to meet her. - Shimako came to a halt at the path lined with ginkgo trees and smiled bitterly to herself.
Before she knew it, shed come to this spot.
On the other side of the shrubbery she could see yellows and reds going to and fro. A gathering in eye-catching street clothes. One more step along the path and shed be on the university grounds.
Shimakos heart beat a little faster. Ahead of her were the school buildings of her onee-sama, Satou Sei-sama.
(However.)
She didnt actually have any way to meet her.
As Tsutako-san had pointed out, her onee-sama had probably been lost in the same labyrinth that she herself was in. But even if Shimako was able to confirm this, it wouldnt help her out. Their circ.u.mstances were completely different.
Tsutako-san said this too. Theres no right answer when it comes to human relationships.
Because theres another person involved, a single pattern doesnt exist.
Shimako looked up at the university buildings ahead of her. They calmly regarded her, as though looking down upon her weak self.
(I should go.)
Even if they were able to meet, in her current state, Shimako would just be an inconvenience. For starters, having spontaneously made up her mind to do this, Shimako didnt know where her onee-sama was at present.
A group of university students emerged from the buildings gla.s.s side door. Shimako hurriedly turned her back and scurried back to the high-school grounds, putting the pathway between her and the group.
But when the sounds of the seven or eight cheerful voices reached her ears, Shimako couldnt help but think that her onee-sama might be having that kind of happy university life too. And in that case, there was no room for her.
Shed thought that when the cherry blossom season had ended, that shed broken though completely. But that wasnt the case at all.
She hadnt even seen her onee-sama in that group of women but her chest had tightened in the same manner as when shed seen Touko-chan by Norikos side.
(But.)
The truth was, even if it meant she was completely hopeless, Shimako wanted to see her onee-sama. Even though she would only be causing trouble, Shimako wanted to talk to her.
Her onee-sama would surely answer her. Even though it might not be what was right for Shimako. Nonetheless, she would be satisfied if their thoughts overlapped even a small amount.
Back then, how had she kept running at full pace all the way to the end? Having started it without thinking of the consequences, it wasnt the sort of thing you could rethink and stop midway through. Leaving things half done would be incredibly damaging too.
Shimako smiled ruefully.
If it had been Yoshino-san or Yumi-san, they probably would have openly gone forth to meet her. No, wait. They wouldnt be trapped in this labyrinth to begin with.
Her onee-sama had graduated and Noriko had matriculated. Noriko had lodged herself in an empty corner of Shimakos heart and became a support that propped her up.
But she couldnt talk to Noriko about Noriko. By the same token, nor could she talk to the residents of the Rose Mansion about it.
As she entered the school building, Shimako let out a large sigh. The hallway was dimly lit and the windows closed, as though to keep out the rain, which made the air feel choking and oppressive.
Checking her watch, Shimako saw that there was still a little bit of time left before the afternoon cla.s.ses commenced.
She felt that she wanted to see someone. To be with someone she was close to, who would call her by her name and not "Rosa Gigantea."
Shimako came to a halt at the place where two hallways intersected. Two paths stretched out ahead of her. One led to the first-year camellia cla.s.sroom and the other to the Rose Mansion.
However, Shimako didnt walk down either of those paths, she took two, three steps backwards, then turned and headed towards her second-year Wisteria cla.s.sroom.
Thinking that neither of those would put her at ease.
But that was the personality shed been born with, and changing it wasnt something she was able to do.
Shimako looked up at the sky through one of the windows on the second-floor of the Rose Mansion.
Even though Friday had arrived, sunny days had still not reached her heart. The clouds gathering inside her heart were still increasing, weighing her down. Like the clouds that covered the skies just before the rainy season, it seemed as though they would remain there forever.
If the clouds were removed, would the sky really be clear and blue like Maria-samas soul? Even though the sun should still be out, it was so dark it seemed like evening. It felt like rain would come pouring down at any moment.
"Shimako-san."
From behind, Noriko called out her name, as though finding fault with her surrept.i.tious sigh. School was over for the day and Noriko had been asked to help out because Rei-sama and Yoshino-san werent able to come today.
They had already started preparing for the school festival.
While there was a separate executive committee for the festival, there was still a significant amount of work that the student council had to do.
At the moment they were still doing very preliminary work, like making photocopies and taking surveys, but it was inevitable that the amount of work would steadily increase from here on. So the more people they had helping, the better.
"Yes?"
Shimako asked Noriko, after slowly turning around.
"Ive poured some tea, so&h.e.l.lip;"
"Ah, thank-you."
Shimako made her way from the window to where the teacup was placed on the table. The only sounds reverberating through the room were the faint shuffle of her shoes across the floor and the sound of steam whistling out of the kettle.
All was quiet.
Sachiko-sama and Yumi-san, Noriko and then Shimako.
Having reached a natural break in their work, it was so silent it was hard to believe that there were four people in the Rose Mansion.
"Noriko-chan."
Sachiko-sama suddenly spoke while fiddling with her long, black hair.
"Do you think you can do something about your use of Shimako-san?"
"Huh?"
Noriko asked, confused. Shimako immediately became fl.u.s.tered.
"Its customary to use the honorific -sama when speaking to an elder. It doesnt matter what you call her outside school, but while at school you should refer to her as Shimako-sama, or Rosa Gigantea."
"Ah, okay."
"I mean, honestly, these are the sort of things that Shimako should be teaching you. The last few generations of Rosa Gigantea may have favored the laissez-faire approach, but its only going to be Noriko-chan thats embarra.s.sed in the end."
Shimako could not respond to this. What Sachiko-sama was saying was an accurate statement of fact.
Sachiko-sama had probably been bothered by it since the beginning. She must have been watching and waiting for it to be corrected, but then seeing that nothing was changing despite her lengthy wait, she finally became unable to endure it any longer and spoke out.
It had been Shimakos mistake not to address it earlier.
Having been involved in her schools student council during middle-school, Noriko was able to handle the business side practically flawlessly. Perhaps as a result of living apart from her parents, she was very level-headed and able to give this work proper attention. Which was why Shimako had been unprepared. Relieved that Noriko had been able to handle the work easily, Shimako hadnt paid attention to the minor details.
Additionally, shed been caught up in the troubles of her own heart.
"My apologies."
Shimako bowed her head. With that, she expected the conversation to be settled. However.
"Umm, its fine that you correct me, but isnt spreading the fire to Shimako-san &h.e.l.lip; ah, Shimako-sama, a bit strange. After all, its not as though Shimako-samas my onee-sama or anything."
Noriko indignantly protested as she stood up from her chair.
"Noriko."
Shimako hurriedly stood up, intending to caution Noriko, but Sachiko-sama held her hand up, with her palm facing Shimako, commanding her to stop.
"Even if you are not soeurs, it is the responsibility of the older students to guide those younger students without an onee-sama. You two are quite close, no? Even though youre not soeur, it would be proper for Shimako to correct you."
Having expected it to end with a simple caution, Norikos unexpected reb.u.t.tal seemed to have fired up Sachiko-sama.
"Noriko-chan."
As though looking to regain her composure, Sachiko-sama elegantly rose and step forward, lightly touching Noriko on the shoulder.
"If you dont want to be corrected by a large number of nameless older students, you should quickly find an onee-sama."
"Thats none of your business."
Noriko rolled her shoulders violently, shaking off Sachiko-samas beautiful, pale fingers.
"None of my business, you say."
With Noriko biting back, Sachiko-samas pride as an older student meant she couldnt walk away from this. Once again, Noriko had failed to understand the ways of Lillians, since shed come from another school. The situation was getting more and more complicated.
Yumi-san was looking fl.u.s.tered too. If there was one person best suited to straightening this out, it would be Rei-sama, but unfortunately she wasnt there at the moment.
"One moment, Shimako. Dont remain silent, you should be reprimanding her too. This clueless first-year."
"Ah."
Shimako froze up when Sachiko-sama unexpectedly turned to her. - She should be reprimanding Noriko?
"As I said before, why are you including Shimako-san in this? Rosa Chinensis."
"Oh, again with the Shimako-san. Noriko-chan."
"In the middle of an argument is not the time to be finding fault with someone."
"This isnt an argument. Im guiding a younger student. Are you trying to say youre on the same level as a third-year, when youre just a first-year student?"
Sachiko-sama called out hysterically. However, Noriko would not back down.
"Just a first-year? At most, theres only two years difference in our ages."
"A two year difference in school is huge."
"Im against seniority based on time served!"
Their voices raised as their faces closed in on each other, as though they were about to start snapping at each other.
"Just stop already!"
Unable to watch any longer, Shimako forced herself between them.
"Stop &h.e.l.lip; ?"
Sachiko-sama slowly shifted her gaze from Noriko to Shimako.
"And suppose we stop, then what? Should we feign friendliness and sit around drinking tea like nothing happened? Since youve intervened, please, provide some mediation. Shimako, how are you going to resolve this situation around you?"
"Thats - "
Shimako was lost for words. She was glad she intervened, but hadnt thought about what would happen next. It was true that just stopping the quarrel hadnt settled anything. It was the role of the person that intervened to bring both parties to an understanding.
But to do that, she would have to mediate fairly and impartially. It went without saying that she couldnt force them to compromise or come to an agreement. Shimako looked to be in no position to handle this difficult task.
So, instead, she bowed her head and said:
" &h.e.l.lip; Im sorry."
"Why are you apologizing? Are you saying youre giving up on mediation?"
Shimako shook her head forcefully, indicating that wasnt the case. Well, while it wasnt completely wrong, she was apologizing for a different reason.
"Its because I think Im in the wrong here. I havent been acting responsibly. Ive caused you and the others anxiety, Sachiko-sama, and Ive imposed unreasonably on Noriko."
As Shimako had thought, it had been a mistake to bring Noriko to the Rose Mansion. Her crime was that she had gone along with the flow, despite having a premonition that it would end like this.
Nonetheless, in the beginning, Shimako had held out a hope that it might go well. That despite living in this artificially constructed papier-mache world of feigned friendliness from both sides, as time went by those smiles might become genuine and the eyes shine too.
But, like a hastily constructed papier-mache object, it wasnt unusual that cracks would start to appear over time. Those cracks were probably a sign that it was about to crumble.
"Thats true, I suppose."
Sachiko-sama coldly agreed.
"And?"
"And &h.e.l.lip; what?"
"Right. And? Are you simply admitting your recognition of your own error? What are we supposed to do with that? Simply reflecting on this is insufficient, no? How are you going to act responsibly from here on, how will you avoid worrying us, how will you avoid imposing unreasonably on Noriko-chan, wont you provide clarification on these points?"
" - Clarification."
Sachiko-samas demand seemed much more difficult than reciting some complicated mathematical formula. What was she going to do to avoid troubling everyone? If she knew the answer to that, she wouldnt be trapped in the current situation.
"There are many ways of handling this, right? As an extreme example, if you cut yourself off from either us or Noriko-chan, that would resolve matters."
"Cut myself off from one of you &h.e.l.lip; ?"
"Or, to put it another way, you could choose one side."
Her friends in the Yamayurikai, or Noriko - that would indeed settle things once and for all.
If Shimako wasnt Rosa Gigantea, then there would be no pressure to choose a soeur, and she would probably have a comfortable school life with Noriko. Thats what it would mean to choose Noriko.
On the other hand, if she chose the Yamayurikai, then things would revert to how they were before Noriko entered the school. The two Roses and two boutons would gently ensconce her as they had thus far.
However.
Shimako looked first at Noriko, then shifted her gaze to Sachiko-sama and Yumi-san.
"What is it, Shimako?"
Shimako knew that choosing one of them would settle the matter. But if she didnt choose one, what was the best thing to do?
"Im sorry."
Shimako ran away. Without choosing either, she slipped between both of them, and fled straight out the biscuit door.
"Shimako!"
"Shimako-san!"
The voices calling her to stop all mixed together. But her legs didnt stop.
The staircase creaked its complaint. Shimako ignored it as she ran down the stairs, then spilled out the front door.
Here and there, raindrops fell on her forehead and her cheeks. But still her legs didnt stop.
If she stopped running, the problem would catch her.
Shimako didnt want to lose either of them.
The raindrops gently brushed past the new growth on the cherry tree then fell into her hair.
"Tell me what to do."
The raindrops in her hair slid down Shimakos face to her cheeks, where they mixed with her tears. Despite standing under the biggest branch of a large cherry tree, the spa.r.s.eness of the leaves meant it wasnt very useful as a shelter from the rain.
"Youll catch a cold if you stay out in the rain."
There was the sound of one set of footsteps advancing steadily across the moist ground. Since choosing this place to flee to, Shimako had probably been waiting for this person to arrive.
"I learned something today. Shimako-san, youre greedy. Because of that, you want everyone to like you."
Noriko made her way to Shimakos side, and squatted down next to her. There was still a section of dirt beneath the cherry tree that remained dry, although the raindrops slipping through the branches of the tree were progressively painting it a polka-dot pattern.
"Right."
The pair didnt look at each other, instead focusing on the rain in front of them. The rainfall inside Shimako was different to the rain outside, more like a roof leak, without even the benefit of the branches or their fresh leaves. As though shed already caught the cold that Noriko had warned her about.
"Since youre greedy, youve tried to live a life free from desire. Because its tough to let something go once youve held it in your hands."
Perhaps at a loose end, Noriko picked up a nearby twig and started doodling in the damp ground.
"What are you saying?"
Shimako didnt look at Norikos face, but at the lines she was drawing.
"Its like this, Shimako-san. Back when you were keeping secret the fact that youre a temple daughter, you were determined to leave the school if it ever came out, right? That sort of thing."
"&h.e.l.lip; Ah, I see. Perhaps youre right."
She wanted to be as free as possible. If she knew she might lose something eventually, thinking about that made her lose the courage to reach out for it. If fate meant that she would inevitably have to leave it behind, she couldnt pick it up, let alone actively seek it out.
"But in the end you hesitated, right? You were reluctant to go through with it?"
"Yeah."
"Because you already held your friends in your hands."
Beside her doodle, Noriko wrote Yumi and Yoshino.
"These people are indispensable to you, Shimako-san."
Noriko continued to write the names of the people that Shimako was friends with. Sachiko and Rei. At that point, Shimako looked at Norikos face for the first time.
"Dont tell me that I should cut myself off from you because of that."
There was no way she could cast aside her irreplaceable friends. But the one she wanted by her side right at that moment was Noriko.
Blame it on her greed, but Noriko was one of the treasures that she had held in her hands. Shimako definitely didnt want to let her go.
"I wont. Because Im indispensable to you too, Shimako-san. Although saying that might be a bit conceited."
Noriko set aside her twig and turned to face Shimako. Not only turned to face her, but also grinned at her, setting her mind at ease.
"My easily fl.u.s.tered Shimako-san."
Noriko whispered, as she wiped away a drop of water that streamed down Shimakos face. While the rain had mixed with her tears, how did it look to Noriko?
"Rosa Chinensis gave you an extreme example. You dont want to let go, so you wont force yourself to cast aside either of us, right?"
"But, that - "
Shimako grasped her hands together tightly and brought them to her chest. Cast aside neither of them. How could she achieve that result?
"I know one way this could be resolved."
Beneath her even bangs, her eyes shone with a strong will. It shot straight through Shimako.
"Place that rosary around my neck."
"Huh!?"
Noriko was pointing towards Shimakos right wrist. Shed received it from her onee-sama, a memento of their six-month long dream.
That rosary had released Shimako from her isolation. After being welcomed into the Yamayurikai, shed been able to make some precious friends. Even though her onee-sama had graduated, things had probably turned out how they had because she had that rosary.
"To me, its just a piece of jewelery. But if that will resolve everything, and everyone accepts it, wouldnt it be better to end it quickly by placing that on me?"
"But, Noriko."
"I think I understand, sort of. The reason you havent already given me the rosary, that is. Its because you know the weight of it, right? But for all that, its something that Id never even notice."
Norikos guess had been fairly close to Shimakos true feelings. To Shimako, the rosary was, indeed, quite heavy. But it could be said that it was the weight itself that made it valuable.
However, she was reluctant to hand that heavy rosary over to someone else. If it was to someone she cared about, then it was only natural shed be troubled.
"So having said all that, is there anyone youre going to hand your rosary to, Shimako-san?"
One option was to remain without a pet.i.t soeur until graduation, but that would be somewhat difficult given her position as Rosa Gigantea.
"Since I dont know the weight of it, it wont put me out. Think of it as lending it to me, and if you find yourself lighter without the rosary then its all good, right?"
"Lending it to you?"
Just with that phrase, Shimako found her heart lightening.
"Right, like the juzu."
Perhaps that way shed be able to relax. Surely everyone must feel more at ease once they became soeurs. If they didnt, Lillians soeur system would have fallen apart years ago.
"But."
After taking the rosary off her wrist, Shimako reconsidered. Was it really okay to give this to Noriko? Would having Noriko take care of the rosary really resolve matters?
"Why are you hesitating? Is it because Im a Buddhist, not a Christian?"
"Thats not it. Its just &h.e.l.lip; "
If Noriko became Shimakos pet.i.t soeur, shed also gain the t.i.tle of Rosa Gigantea en bouton. Would she