Maria-sama ga Miteru Volume 25 Chapter 6 Part3
"Touko."
As she walked out the school gate, a voice from behind called her to a stop. Turning around, she saw her cousin Kashiwagi Suguru.
"What are you doing?"
"Im lying in wait for you."
Suguru-onii-sama stopped leaning against the wall and stood up properly.
"I was worried you might have gone home already."
He said, "What a relief," and patted her head, but Touko shook him off and said, "Not that."
"Ah, you mean, what am I doing without my car?"
Touko couldnt understand why he was completely missing what she intended and responding with an absurdity.
"My car stands out so I left it behind. Especially in that gorgeous color."
Completely oblivious to the fact that he was just as conspicuous as his beloved car.
A black overcoat covering his tall body, a bright red scarf wrapped around his neck, worn-out boots peeking out from beneath his jeans. She didnt know what style of fashion this was, but the authentic sungla.s.ses tied it all together wonderfully.
There were about eighteen girls over by the bus stop, and they kept glancing this way. Just then a bus pulled up and opened its door, but they showed no signs of getting on board.
"That sort of thing doesnt bother me. What I wanted to know was, why were you lying in wait for me - "
After saying this much, Touko had a sudden realization.
"Did something happen at home!?"
"Nothings happened. Your moms in fine health."
Examining her cousins unconcerned face, Touko let out a sigh of relief.
"Okay. Thats good."
On reflection, if there had been some sort of incident at home, her family wouldnt have employed the clumsy technique of asking Suguru-onii-sama to wait for her outside the school gate, instead they would have contacted the school directly and asked them to keep her there so they could pick her up.
"I came to talk with you."
"Talk? With me?"
"Yeah."
Touko thought that, in that case, he was better off waiting for her at her home, instead of laying an ambush in this cold. Then, as though he could see exactly what she was thinking, he said:
"Your parents would be worried if I went out of my way to visit you."
"I see."
It had been Suguru-onii-sama that had come to pick her up when she ran away from home. Hed also been the one to visit the f.u.kuzawa household to express their thanks.
Her mom and dad were undoubtedly grateful to him, but his presence would bring back memories of Touko running away from home. There hadnt been any problems when hed brought over a souvenir from his ski trip, but if he made another visit to have a "talk" then her mom would probably be put on guard.
"And so? Where are we going to talk?"
Touko surveyed the area.
"Im in my school uniform, so we cant go to a cafe near here."
That said, she couldnt exactly bring a young man onto the grounds of a girls school either. She didnt know what he wanted to talk about, but it would be odd to suggest just standing there. And because Suguru-onii-sama hadnt driven here, if they were going to go somewhere else, theyd have to go by bus. She could just picture it - her and this "stranger" getting on the same bus as those girls whod been looking at her questioningly - and it wasnt pretty.
"For now, lets walk."
"Walk?"
Suguru-onii-sama then immediately started walking, leaving behind a bewildered Touko.
"Where are we walking to?"
"Over there."
He said, looking over his shoulder, and Touko decided she had no choice but to follow after him.
The footpath alongside the busway wasnt wide enough for two people to walk abreast, so he probably wasnt intending to have their talk while walking.
Still not knowing what their final destination was, Touko followed along, her gaze fixed on her cousins wide, jet-black coat.
Naturally, she knew the scenery that spread out on both sides of the street. Since she always looked at it from on the bus. But since her vantage point had changed, it all looked slightly off.
For example, she hadnt noticed the small Buddha statues on both sides of the road until now. Or the weathered advertis.e.m.e.nts on the telephone poles. Or how the street signs that served as bus stop markers differed from the neighborhood street signs.
But even though she knew these things today, that didnt necessarily mean that they would be useful to her in the future. Of course, this was unrelated to "broadening her acting ability." But even so, she was glad she had learned of them, instead of remaining ignorant. There was no reason behind it, just a feeling.
As they walked, Touko constructed a mental map of their route.
If they kept going straight ahead, theyd reach a family restaurant.
(Maybe thats where onii-samas going.)
But in that case, he should have asked whether family restaurants were okay when Touko ruled out cafes.
Maybe there was a public park that Touko didnt know about in one of the side streets. They could sit on a bench and talk, but in this cold weather, and with dusk imminent, that seemed brutal. For one thing, it seemed too out of character for Suguru-onii-sama.
In this manner, Touko focused her thoughts solely on what their destination could be. She didnt spare a thought for what he came to talk to her about. It could be her mother, or her grandfathers hospital. As an older relative, he probably had something he wanted to say.
"Were here."
Suguru-onii-sama stopped abruptly and Touko unintentionally rammed into his back.
"Here?"
"Yep, here."
It wasnt a family restaurant or a park. It was a completely ordinary parking garage.
"It cant be."
"But it is."
Suguru-onii-sama took his car keys out of his pocket and held them up at her eye level.
"I thought you left your car behind because it stands out?"
"It would stand out in front of a girls school, so I left it here."
Smirking, Suguru-onii-sama entered the parking garage. Touko followed after him and, sure enough, their destination was where that familiar bright red car was parked.
"Come on, get in."
Toukos cousin opened the front pa.s.sengers door and urged her inside. She had no reason to refuse, and it was pretty cold, so she chose to obediently climb in.
She hesitated for a moment, worried that her uniform may be conspicuous in the front seat, but even if the school found out and she was reprimanded, they would also quickly discover that the driver was her cousin, plus it would be hard to have a conversation with the driver if she was in the back seat.
After settling into the drivers seat, her cousin took off his sungla.s.ses and said:
"Ill take you home."
After paying the parking fee, the red car slipped out of the gate.
"So? What did you want to talk about?"
"Theres something I wanted to ask you."
"Something you wanted to ask me?"
Not something he wanted to tell her? Touko considered this. In that case, he probably wasnt going to lecture her or advise her about something to do with home.
"My cousin, looking like he knows everything in the world, wants to ask me something?"
Touko chuckled, a tiny bit amused.
"Dont make fun. My knowledge is of no importance. Theres a lot in this world that I dont know - a world full of things, in fact."
Tick, tick, tick. The car blinker beat out a steady rhythm.
"Its about what happened at Christmas."
Suguru-onii-sama said, while changing lanes. Toukos heart skipped a beat when she heard the word "Christmas."
"Why did you say those things to Yumi-chan?"
"Those things?"
Touko asked, after a slight pause, but of course she remembered. She didnt feel as though it was necessary for her to divulge these details. She didnt know how her cousin had found out about it. He may have been bluffing, to get her to reveal this information.
"I dont understand your feelings, Touko. You like Yumi-chan."
Since he said that, he probably knew the crux of the matter.
"Who told you?"
She asked, meaning about the events that happened on Christmas. Was it Yumi-sama herself, or Sachiko-onee-sama, or perhaps one of the other guests at the Christmas party in the Rose Mansion.
At any rate, if Yumi-sama had told someone, then it probably stood to reason that it would have leaked to him sooner or later. There was no seal on peoples mouths.
"Who told me?"
However, Suguru-onii-sama seemed to have misunderstood her question.
"I can see it in your face."
"You can see it in my face? Thats not very persuasive."
The drama club president had said something similar.
(You like Yumi-san, dont you?)
Even so, that was only intuition. Without evidence, there could be no proof.
The traffic light ahead turned orange. Suguru-onii-sama pressed down on the brakes and gently came to a stop behind the car in front. Then a group of students on bikes crossed in front of them at the pedestrian crossing.
"Then let me ask you something. Why didnt you go to Canada last summer?"
"Huh?"
"You changed your plans when you heard Yumi-chan was going to the Ogasawaras holiday house."
"Whod do that?"
She thought she could laugh off this unfounded rumor. But her cousin continued, unperturbed.
"I was just remembering something aunty told me. You declared you didnt want to go to Canada when you heard that Sacchan was taking her little sister to their villa. When I first heard that I thought you were jealous of Yumi-chan and wanted to go to the holiday home to interfere with them. But thinking about it now, Ive changed my mind. You went because you were worried about Yumi-chan."
"What are - "
"You knew that the girls there were dangerous. That they didnt care when they were hara.s.sing someone."
Touko laughed. So idiotic.
"Is there something strange about me going to the holiday house?"
"Whether it was strange or not, you were worried. So much so that you couldnt jet off to a distant country."
The light turned green. The car slipped into gear.
The pair were silent for a little while. Touko didnt confirm or deny her cousins theory, instead idly watching the flow of traffic around them and the cars coming towards them in the opposite lane.
After a couple hundred metres her cousin suddenly opened his mouth and said:
" &h.e.l.lip; So thats it. You were afraid that Yumi-chan would suffer the same sort of bullying that you had."
Apparently that was the conclusion hed drawn after thinking about it during their silence, for her cousins profile was unusually terrifying.
"Was it Kyougoku, Ayanokouji, or Saionji? Who was it, when, and what did they say?"
"Onii-sama &h.e.l.lip; "
Touko felt fear. Her usually gentle and smiling cousin was now looking at something with furious anger.
"Onii-sama."
"I never noticed. Until the moment you ran away from home, I believed you didnt know a thing."
He stepped on the accelerator. Their speed rose. The gap to the car in front narrowed. If things kept going like this, Touko thought they were likely to crash into it.
"Onii-sama, I gotta pee!"
Touko screamed.
"Uh."
"Please, stop somewhere that has a bathroom! Ah, that fast food place is fine. Theyve got a parking lot. Come on, turn left, put the indicator on. Hurry."
"Uh, ahh."
Still in shock, her cousin followed Toukos instructions and turned left. As soon as the car had come to a temporary stop in the parking lot, she undid her seat-belt and climbed out.
"Ill be back after Ive used the toilet, so find somewhere to park and wait for me."
In truth, she didnt need to go to the toilet. But that was the only excuse she could come up with to go the fast food store.
Once inside, she asked one of the employees where the toilet was, then went in and washed her hands only. She hadnt noticed it, but they were drenched in sweat.
The cold water felt good.
Touko looked at her reflection in the mirror and took a deep breath.
The ringlets she was so proud of were somewhat in disarray, but she felt as though that was no big deal.
"I did think about getting you coffee."
Touko handed a take-away cup of cola to her cousin, who had been sitting alone in the car, with the engine off, waiting for her.
"No, this is fine. Good choice."
"Its because I wanted to drink it too."
Cola was something that she wasnt that familiar with - she only drank it about once a year. But when she got thirsty, she started to crave this sort of thing. If it was like that for Touko, it was probably even more so for Suguru-onii-sama.
Her excuse for buying the drink was that it felt awkward to go into a store just to use their toilet.
Touko wanted some time for her cousin to cool down. She thought theyd be better off finishing their conversation now, while stopped, than ending up in another situation like before.
"Thatll be 1000 yen."
"Talk about price gouging."
"If you dont want it, thats fine. I can drink two."
Suguru-onii-sama quickly took a sip through the straw, then fished a 1000 yen note out of his wallet and offered it to her, saying, "Here."
"This tastes good."
"Yeah."
Then they drank their cola in silence for a little while.
"Touko."
"What?"
"Thanks for before &h.e.l.lip; if you hadnt made me stop, it could have turned dangerous."
Hed returned to his usual self.
"Thanks to you too. I made it to the toilet in time."
"That so?"
"Yep."
Touko nodded, and Suguru-onii-sama patted her on the head. Paying no attention to her hairdo. But his large hand felt good, so she didnt shake him off.
After drinking his cola, Suguru-onii-sama removed the plastic lid and poured the ice into his mouth. The sound of quiet crunching echoed around the car.
"Onii-sama."
"Mm?"
"It wasnt that big a shock to me."
The sound of crunching ice stopped momentarily.
"Not really. I already knew before they said that to me anyway."
Touko didnt know what had caused it, but one summer those three girls started hara.s.sing her. They were probably jealous about some trivial matter - like Sachiko-onee-sama giving her something because they were relatives, or the pair of them going shopping together.
But Touko wasnt particularly interested in being friends with those three girls. They probably would have been satisfied if shed cried and said, "Please lets be friends," but since she didnt, theyd avoided visiting her for a couple of days.
Then one day one of them came over, looking triumphant. She prefaced what she was saying with, "My mom told me not to say anything because its so sad for Touko-san." The girl tried her best to look compa.s.sionate, but as she talked it was obvious that her eyes, lips and nostrils - every part of her face - was filled with glee.
"And when I responded with, "So what?" her face went bright red and she looked furious. But that was a long time ago. Ive even forgotten who it was. Thats why - "
Touko looked straight at Suguru-onii-sama.
"You dont have to get angry on my behalf, onii-sama."
"Touko &h.e.l.lip; "
Suguru-onii-sama mumbled, before lapsing into silence. The shock hed received had retreated, but he still looked like he was searching for the right words to say.
Eventually, he crushed his take-away cup and said:
"I just want you to be happy."
"About what?"
As she asked, she slurped the last of her cola through the straw. Some of the ice had melted, which thinned the flavor.
"It may just be my imagination, but it looks to me like you run away from the happiness thats right in front of you. Like with Yumi-chan - "
"Thats already over. Theres no point rehashing it."
Touko interrupted him loudly. He seemed a bit surprised but quickly smiled and agreed.
"Okay, Ill stop."
He turned the key and the engine came to life. Touko returned the cups to the bag they were in when she bought them. One was completely empty so it was tossed in casually. The other was placed upright, so the melting ice wouldnt leak out. After fastening her seatbelt, the car moved forwards slowly.
They turned left out of the fast-food car park and returned to the bus route. Suguru-onii-sama gave the car that let them in a friendly toot of the horn and they gradually picked up speed.
Joining the flow of cars.
Each car was moving separately, and had their own driver, but it brought to mind the image of a bamboo-leaf boat floating down a river.
Suguru-onii-sama didnt speak, but he wasnt focused solely on driving. It looked like he wasnt going to say anything because Touko had cut short their conversation.
With their talk over, her thoughts turned in on themselves. The words that her cousin said about "Yumi-chan" ran through her head like a refrain.
Like with Yumi-chan.
Like with Yumi-chan.
Like with Yumi-chan -
Unable to stand it any longer, Touko opened her mouth.
"So, youre saying I should have accepted her rosary back then? Theres no way I could have done that."
She brought it up again, even though she had said there was no point rehashing it.
Her cousin stayed silent and drove. For a full ten seconds, he seemed to be slowly piecing together what to say.
" - Youre saying &h.e.l.lip; Yumi-chan chose you as her pet.i.t soeur?"
"Why are you acting all surprised now?"
After hed chastised her for it.
"I had no idea. I knew something happened between you and Yumi-chan at Christmas, but I didnt know the details. So I bluffed, and went fishing for info."
"Thats such an obvious lie."
Obviously, hed heard this from Sachiko-onee-sama. But despite that, he was pretending that this was the first time hed heard about it.
"Why are you so suspicious of other people?"
"Should I believe everyone? If theyre just going to betray me, its better not to believe them in the first place."
Touko screeched hysterically.
"Youre wrong. You say you dont believe, but deep in your heart you want to. You run away, but then you wait for them to chase after you."
"Yeah, right."
They overtook a bus parked at the bus stop.
"But if you keep running away like this, eventually theyll get tired and no-one will chase after you."
Touko was enraged by this and shouted, "Stop!" But her cousin didnt comply with her wishes.
"You were the one that brought it up, and now youre getting all angry."
She knew that.
"Im feeling carsick. Youre driving too aggressively."
She was in the wrong. But even so, she wanted to deflect the blame.
"Wha - everyones been saying Ive got a lot better recently."
He muttered to himself, sounding senile, but he didnt show any sign of slowing down or turning off the road.
"Whatever, hurry up and stop. Ill get on that bus over there."
She looked back over her shoulder, and the bus that she thought theyd just pa.s.sed was already tiny.
"No can do."
Her cousin wasnt giving in to Toukos selfishness.
"Ill throw up."
"Fine. You can take the cups out of the bag and use that."
"Alright, I will."
She wanted to get back at her unkind cousin so she thought she would throw up, and raised the bag to her mouth - but since she wasnt actually feeling carsick that wasnt so easy to do. Her stomach had its own thoughts on the matter.
"You dont understand what Im feeling."
With tears in her eyes, and without vomiting, she lowered the bag. The ice that had melted into water, and the still frozen ice, made a soft sound as it sloshed around.
"Youre right. I said that before, didnt I? I dont understand your feelings, Touko."
"Thats not what Im talking about."
"I know. Then, what? You want sympathy from me?"
She got gooseb.u.mps just imagining it - "Ah, how sad. What a poor little child."
"That would be the one thing Id hate the most."
"Ill bet. Thats why youve been frantically putting on this performance."
There was no doubt that he was antagonizing her. But even when he was antagonizing her, it still felt good to know that someone understood her mind.
This person understood. Therefore, she didnt have to wear a mask in front of them.
"Everybodys criticizing me."
"People other than me have said something to you?"
Touko nodded and her cousin said:
"Im sure its because they love you."
"They criticize me because they love me? I dont get it."
Touko sighed, then looked out the window. At some point their car had turned off the bus route and was now driving down a highway.
She wasnt going to get on a train, so they werent going to the train station. In the end, it looked like she was going to get driven home in Suguru-onii-samas car.
Nothing she could do about that.
Even though shed finished compulsory education, she was still a helpless child.
Even though shed run away from home, she was still a naive little girl with no way to support herself, and had to return home after half a day, and she was treated like an outsider with regards to her grandfathers hospital.
She could cry and stamp her feet, but she couldnt change anything.
But despite all this, she was being told to do her best to find happiness?
Even though shed brought misfortune on those around her by thinking only of herself?
Could that really be called happiness?
"Thats true."
Suguru-onii-sama suddenly laughed.
"Theres a world full of things that you dont understand."
They left the freeway and entered a residential area.
She could see the stars between familiar buildings.
The stars looked like they were laughing too.
"What I dont understand is, why would my cousin go out of his way to ambush me, and drive me all the way home?"
Touko asked, as the car slowed down. Very soon now, the Matsudaira house would pop into view.
"I told you, I wanted to talk to you."
"Yeah. But what I want to know is, was our conversation really worth that much to you?"
"It was. I struck gold."
Touko pondered whether this was true or not as she undid her seatbelt. She didnt want her parents to read too much into it, so she didnt invite Suguru-onii-sama in. For the same reason, Touko left the fast food bag in his car. Hed have to take that with him back to his home, but there was no helping that.
Touko picked up her bag and exited the car. She didnt think the sound would carry over this distance, but she closed the door as softly as possible, so as not to disturb her mother in the house.
She walked around past the drivers seat and Suguru-onii-sama said:
"I just wanted to find out what happened with you and Yumi-chan."
"&h.e.l.lip; Why would you want to know that?"
Touko looked puzzled.
"If you think about it hard enough, Im sure youll understand."
The red car slipped quietly away, down the suburban street.
From this distance, it looked like a toy car.
The stars twinkled.
"If I think about it &h.e.l.lip; "
Touko mumbled, then turned towards home and started walking.
It seemed unbelievable that all her earlier sweating, arguing and screaming had taken place in such a tiny box.
Even though she was so small, she was worrying about becoming an adult.
The stars would undoubtedly find this amusing.
- Such were her thoughts.