Maria-sama ga Miteru Volume 23 Chapter 4
Yoshino-san had brought a combination of fried chicken and french fries and Rei-sama had brought a large take-away pizza and two 2 litre drink bottles (oolong tea and orange juice). Ah, plus a coralberry branch. It was currently adorning the alcove, in an arrangement with apricot and gold stained willow.
"Yumi-chan, you remembered. Im touched!"
Sayako-oba-sama danced with joy when she spotted the festival food and, overcome with emotion, embraced Yumi. An innocent maiden, no matter her age (and her actual age was unknown to Yumi). She always came across as cute, although it was a bit impolite to think that.
"Lets heat them up right away. Ah, I wonder if Rei-sans pizza should go first?"
"Ah, Ill do it."
They followed Sayako-oba-sama into the kitchen, Rei-sama carrying her pizza and Yumi with her festival food.
"Oba-sama, youve got two ovens, right? If its alright to use them both at once, we could split it into two lots."
Rei-sama inquired.
"If its alright to use them both at once?"
Sayako-oba-sama looked confused.
"I mean, if its not going to trip a breaker, or something like that."
"A breaker &h.e.l.lip; Ive never thought about that. I use them whenever I like, though."
But that didnt rule out the possibility that other people had noticed and refrained from using them both at once. Sayako-oba-sama pondered this, saying, "What should we do?" and was answered by Sachiko-sama who appeared in the kitchen behind her.
"Itll be fine. When you made those ma.s.sive quant.i.ties of mille-feuille, it took over all of the big oven, but we still had a proper dinner that night, right? That would have been made with the small oven."
Indeed, that was quite the compelling piece of evidence.
"I suppose so."
Sayako-oba-sama seemed to temporarily accept this, but another question soon popped out of her mouth.
"Oh, but then why did we only use one oven last year?"
"Well, thats because,"
This time it was Yumis turn to answer.
"Last year, no-one knew how to work the big oven."
"Ah, thats right."
But since then, shed used it to bake mille-feuille, which meant -
"Youve mastered how to use this oven then, oba-sama? Thats good, I think itd be great for the large pizza."
Rei-sama quickly opened the oven door and placed the pizza inside. Yumi placed the octopus dumplings inside the small oven too. They called it the small oven but that name was just for convenience, as it was a standard family-size oven. Probably about the same size as the one the f.u.kuzawas had at home. But the other one was large enough for commercial use. It was big enough that they could probably roast two whole turkeys in there at once.
"You should cover them with foil, itd be bad if the dumplings burst open."
"Okay."
She followed Rei-samas instructions then switched the oven on. As she was moving the calamari and corn into the heatproof dish that Sachiko-sama held out to her, Yumi accidentally glanced to her side and saw Sayako-oba-sama frozen in front of the large oven shed been entrusted to operate.
"Oba-sama &h.e.l.lip; umm, is something the matter?"
"What should I do, Rei-san? Ive only ever used it as an oven."
Although reheating a pizza wasnt totally unrelated to using the oven functionality. But Rei-sama didnt know how powerful the oven was, so she let Sayako-oba-sama take care of that. She watched it through the gla.s.s door and when the time was right she opened the door and placed a single piece of aluminum foil over the top of the pizza. Thanks to that, they avoided burning it and ended up with piping hot pizza.
Yumi got caught up watching this and some of the dumplings exploded, but thanks to the foil she managed to avoid a huge disaster. Cleaning exploded foods from a microwave oven was enough to make her want to cry, so this was quite a relief.
"Alright, lets eat these while theyre hot. Ah, before that."
First, she filled their gla.s.ses with non-alcoholic champagne.
"Does everyone have a gla.s.s? Well then, a toast!"
"Lets make this another good year."
They clinked gla.s.ses with the person next to them and took a sip. Uwah &h.e.l.lip; the champagne fizz jumped across to the tip of her nose. Mmm, it was good.
From the second gla.s.s onwards it was self-serve and they were free to choose their favorite drink. As well as the juice and oolong tea that Rei-sama had brought, there was also herbal tea and roasted green tea.
So with that, the food that theyd brought was laid out along the tables and the New Years party began.
There was Sayako-oba-samas homemade potato salad. Bite-sized portions were placed on top of slightly bitter leaves (chicory apparently), which served as plates and made it easy to pick up. Yumi had often had potato salad at home, but this was somehow different and felt more fancy, like adults food. As an example, shed describe it as a "delicacy," instead of "tasty."
Sachiko-sama had made ham and cheese sandwiches, and they were exquisite. They were cut into single mouthfuls, so obviously not meant to be eaten with a knife and fork, but skewered with toothpicks instead.
"Its really good, but dont you think itd make the flavor pop just a bit more if it had pickles or olives?"
Rei-samas advice was probably correct but since Sachiko-sama didnt like either of those things it seemed unlikely that she would follow it. It looked like Rei-sama knew this and had intentionally said it anyway.
The take-away pizza and fried chicken were the standard fare, but still (no, because of this) quite tasty.
The various sweets were set aside for after-meal enjoyment. At any rate, they were all staying overnight, so there was plenty of time left for chatting and eating.
The intercom sounded and Sayako-oba-sama hurriedly left the room.
"Its so busy without the house staff around."
"Could it be, perhaps, another guest?"
Yoshino-san asked Sachiko-sama. Asking if shed invited anyone else.
"Yes, well &h.e.l.lip; perhaps."
Sachiko-sama responded vaguely and stood up. Yumis mind buzzed with thoughts of "what if?"
She thought there was a chance it was Touko-chan. Since she knew that Sachiko-sama had invited her to the New Years party.
But would she really come? Yumi didnt know.
She didnt even know if she should follow after Sachiko-sama or wait there motionless, despite her impatience.
Theyd used the intercom so they were now at the front gate. How long would it take for the gate to open and for them to walk to the front of the house? Five minutes? A bit longer?
Even if she stayed still, there should be some way to determine whether or not it was Touko-chan during that short time. The bell would ring first, which would demand Yumis attention.
But it ended a lot quicker than she expected. The bell wasnt rung.
Sayako-oba-sama and Sachiko-sama arrived back in the room carrying three and four lacquer coated wooden boxes, respectively.
"It was the sushi store."
To reveal the trick: since the sushi was delivered by car, it was many times quicker for them to drive from the gate to the house than it was to walk, and since theyd announced their arrival over the intercom, Sayako-oba-sama was waiting outside for them to arrive.
Yumi felt conflicted, she was both relieved and disappointed.
Looking at her watch, it was 1:30.
Touko-chan probably should have arrived by now, if she was feeling inclined to do so.
With their stomachs already quite full, they all looked in anguish at the containers of sushi placed in front of them.
"I want to eat it, but I dont know if I can."
"Its torture &h.e.l.lip; "
Just like last year, Yumi faltered when she saw the array of high quality nigirizushi delivered to them by the official sushi suppliers to the Ogasawara household.
"Oh my. You can just set it aside and eat it when youre hungry. Weve got plenty of time, so feel free to peck at it as you like."
Sayako-oba-sama said.
"But, its nigirizushi."
Even though they were in a hard-to-warm traditional j.a.panese room, the party had been going on for an hour and a half and it had already warmed up significantly. Leaving the raw sushi there and pecking at it seemed ill-advised.
"Alright. Then how about we play cards, and whenever you lose you have to eat a piece?"
Sayako-oba-sama said, smiling innocently, since it was already torture. But since that would only result in one piece disappearing every game, it didnt seem like it would be all that efficient.
"No. Why dont we just try and eat the sushi for now? If you cant eat it all, well put whats left over in the refrigerator. We can leave the games until after."
Sachiko-samas proposal was the correct one. No matter how large the Ogasawara familys refrigerator was, they probably couldnt put nine peoples untouched sushi boxes in there.
Even so, it was funny how their chopsticks kept moving after saying, "Itadakimasu." It was probably because the sushi was made of such good ingredients. Their color and gloss was enough to stimulate the appet.i.te just by looking at them.
"Onee-sama. Um, would you like to swap your sea urchin roe, salmon roe and abalone for something of mine?"
Naturally, she wasnt about to pull the same stunt as Kashiwagi-san and reach over into Sachiko-samas sushi box directly, so she tried asking.
"Huh?"
Sachiko-sama seemed confused, but then she smiled and said, "Ah."
"Is that because of what Suguru-san did?"
"Yeah &h.e.l.lip; I suppose."
Yumi admitted truthfully, since there was no point lying about it. But she wasnt thinking about competing with Kashiwagi-san, she simply wanted to remove the foods Sachiko-sama hated from her sight.
"You really shouldnt pay so much attention to Suguru-san. Its not like theres foods I will and wont eat. Moreover, it would be somewhat pathetic of me to be coddled by you."
"But."
Your eyes glazed over when you looked at them, onee-sama.
"I was thinking I should broaden my diet, just a little. Even if I dont like them, Im not about to say that I cant eat them."
"Hah."
Yumi thought she was offering a lifeboat but instead it looked like shed backed her onee-sama into a corner. By making this declaration, shed cut off her avenue of retreat.
Their friends were listening attentively to their conversation, although they werent joining in. The movement of chopsticks had suddenly slowed and the soft twitter of conversation had disappeared.
With her chopsticks still on her sea urchin roe sushi, Yumi pondered what she should do next.
"Do you like those?"
Sachiko-sama asked her.
"Huh? Yeah."
Since shed been fine with taking Sachiko-samas if she hadnt wanted it, obviously she didnt hate it. Although there wasnt really any types of sushi that Yumi hated.
"If you feel like doing something, how about you enjoy it in front of me?"
"Huh?"
That was a rather strange request.
"All you want me to do is eat it?"
"Right. Thats all. Give it a go."
"Well then."
She opened her mouth wide, saying, "Ahhh," and took a mouthful of sea urchin roe sushi. She was going to act like a mother trying to get her child to eat by saying, "Tasty," but once she started eating she couldnt talk.
(Ah &h.e.l.lip; )
The taste of juicy sea urchin roe spread out in her mouth. The rice, nori seaweed, and accompanying soy sauce were all undoubtedly made from fine ingredients too. She instinctively closed her eyes and enjoyed the exquisite harmony. Once again shed been able to experience the taste of the Palace of the Dragon King.
"Yumi-chan."
Hearing Rei-sama whispering to her, Yumi opened her eyes as she chewed.
"Ah."
Sachiko-sama was adding soy sauce to her sea urchin roe. With the air of someone taking up a challenge.
"Watch your mouth, Yumi."
Just after she said this, Sachiko-sama ate her gunkanmaki sushi piece. As for Yumi, even as she was thinking about what brought that warning on she realized that this was a pivotal moment for Sachiko-sama, so she chewed silently without responding.
Sachiko-samas gaze held firm. Staring straight at Yumis face as she chewed.
Then, finally, she swallowed it down. Her eyes darted around lightly.
"Theres nothing I cant eat."
But she was clearly overdoing it. Because Sachiko-samas eyes were tearing up.
"Its just a matter of getting accustomed to it."
Sachiko-sama, who hated to lose, said with finality.
"Incredible. Oh Sachiko-san, having Yumi-chans expression as a side-dish with your hated sea urchin roll!"
The silence was shattered by Sayako-oba-samas exclamation.
"Yumi-san looked like she was enjoying eating it."
"That reminds me, isnt there a folklore about eating lots of rice accompanied by the smell of grilled eel."
Everyone laughed along and added their own comments.
"Thats enough from the peanut gallery. Yumi, next up is abalone."
"Ah, okay!"
So, in this way, Sachiko-sama ate all the food she loathed, even though she was overdoing it a bit.
Then, with her work done, Sachiko-sama quietly placed her egg roll in Yumis container. It looked as though shed remembered Yuuki doing this last year.
Even though Sachiko-sama had said she shouldnt pay so much attention to Suguru-san. Yumi smiled to herself.
The games began just after 3pm.
First up was the refined, traditional New Years game of 100 Poems. As she waited, Yumi flexed her wrists.
"Living all alone - "[1]
Sayako-oba-sama read the first part of the poem.
(Living all alone &h.e.l.lip; I think the bottom part is, "Can you realize at all," so - )
Actually, after her ignominious defeat last year, shed spent a little bit of time studying the 100 poems at home. But this was just a thin veneer.
However.
"Here!"
Shimako-san picked it up from nearby. Since it was on Shimako-sans side, by the time Yumi had found it it was already too late. Sachiko-sama had also been reaching out for it, but she was further away so it looked like she got off to a slow start.
"The Mother of Michitsuna. Thats right, Shimako-chan."
Sayako-oba-sama confirmed that it was correct and read the top and bottom sections.
Living all alone,
Through the hours of the night,
Til the daylight comes:
Can you realize at all
The emptiness of that night?
From memory, this poem was about a woman whose husband had gone to see a mistress and, "how long the night seems when youre not there."
Hearing Sayako-oba-sama read that poem aloud made it all the more poignant. Her husband, Tooru-oji-sama, was out today. The annual tradition was that the men would visit their mistresses.
Even though he had a wonderful wife like Sayako-oba-sama. From what she knew of Tooru-oji-sama, he seemed kind and a devoted husband - These were the thoughts that Yumi idly pondered.
"Here."
Yumi was brought back to her senses when a card was plucked from right in front of her.
"Uwah."
The card with, "That rose on Mount Mikasa," that should have been by her right knee was gone.
"Its because you were s.p.a.cing out."
Shed been found out. Sachiko-sama chuckled to herself, holding the correct card in her hand.
She wouldnt win like this. Yumi decided to roll up her sleeves and play for real.
However.
"Eight-fold cherry flowers - "
"Here."
"An autumn eve - "
"Here."
Sachiko-sama and Shimako-san scooped them up one after the other while she looked on in shock.
Rei-sama had a large reach and moved quickly, so when she found a card she could get it with lightning speed. Noriko-chan kept plugging away steadily. Yoshino-san seemed to have given up already and was only looking at the five cards around her.
Her hasty study was never going to be enough to catch up to them.
Even if she strained to remember that the second half of "Eight-fold cherry flowers," was "In our nine-fold palace court," by the time shed done this someone was already reaching out for the card. If she didnt want to be hopeless, it looked like shed have to practice until her body moved without waiting to a.n.a.lyze the words she heard.
In the end, the game devolved into the four others sharing the sc.r.a.ps that Sachiko-sama and Shimako-san didnt pick up.
When it was over, she was a bit disappointed but Sachiko-sama gently patted her on the shoulder.
"But you did better than last year, right?"
Thanks to her efforts, shed improved slightly over the previous year. It made her happy that Sachiko-sama had recognized this, so she perked up.
Sachiko-sama said, "Lets see," and spread Yumis cards out. What did she get?
"Just as past time filled with grief comes quietly back in thought &h.e.l.lip; And crushed upon the sh.o.r.e, remembering what has been &h.e.l.lip; but now it is my hearts desire, it may long, long years endure &h.e.l.lip; quite a lot of poems about brooding people. Thats troublesome."
Thats troublesome, she said.
"A 100 Poems tarot card reading?"
Its not like the cards they picked up showed what was going on in their heart.
"I wonder."
But even if she said that, wouldnt it mean that Sachiko-sama and Shimako-san, who had lots of cards, had all their emotions mixed up inside their head in a ma.s.sive cacaphony?
"You wonder, onee-sama."
Yumi gazed at the ten or so cards shed been given back. There really did seem to be a lot of brooding people.
If I should live long
Then perhaps the present days
May be dear to me,
Just as past time filled with grief
Comes quietly back in thought.
(If I live a long life, will I look back and reminisce on the present?
And yearn for these days, even though they seem tough?)
Like a driven wave,
Dashed by fierce winds on a rock,
So am I: alone
And crushed upon the sh.o.r.e,
Remembering what has been.
(Like a wave that smashes itself against a rock,
I spend these days fretting about that person.)
For your precious sake,
Once my eager life itself
Was not dear to me.
But now it is my hearts desire
It may long, long years endure.
(Even though I thought Id risk my life if it meant meeting you,
now I wish that today would stretch on forever.)
Indeed, there was plenty to think about. Yumi stopped interpreting the rest of her cards.
During the card games, Sayako-oba-sama left her seat for a little while. Yumi thought that perhaps she was a bit tired, but she returned before too long and said to everyone:
"Now then, next up is human sugoroku."
"Human sugoroku?"
"Right. Lets have teams of two. Why dont we go with the Rose colors?"
Everyone agreed, even though they didnt understand. Even her daughter, Sachiko-sama, looked confused.
"Youll move yourselves instead of the game pieces."
Sayako-oba-sama spread the imitation vellum she was holding out in front of everyone. Drawn on it was a sugoroku board, like was traditionally found in the New Years edition of childrens magazines. The board contained a path that wound around from "Start" to "End." However, the squares didnt contain instructions like "Miss a turn" or "When you roll 2, move forward 2 squares." Instead, they had cryptic names like "Hippopotamus s.p.a.ce" and "Jellyfish s.p.a.ce."
"These are &h.e.l.lip; "
"Theyre all room names. When you land on one, go to that room and follow the directions. The names are all written on the door."
"Uhh."
"But dont go into any rooms with a "No Entry" sign."
In other words, she was using the entire house for sugoroku. That seemed to be what she was saying. The rooms they were forbidden to enter were private s.p.a.ces, like Sachiko-samas grandfathers room, or the live-in-staffs quarters.
"Theres a prize for the winning team~."
There was a general reaction of, "Oooh." It had been like this at the Christmas party, but everyone was even more fired up by the thought of winning the prize.
"This could be good."
Yoshino-san muttered, gripping Rei-samas hand tightly. The Yellow Rose soeurs hadnt done that well at 100 Poems or the other card games. It looked like they were planning a comeback with sugoroku.
Noriko-chan stayed silent, but her eyes sparkled.
"But the "Hippopotamus s.p.a.ce" &h.e.l.lip; You didnt have to give them names like that."
Sachiko-sama muttered peevishly.
"But if I labeled them as "Second Floor Traditional j.a.panese Room" or "Bas.e.m.e.nt Storage" youd have a definite advantage because you live here, Sachiko-san. Thats why."
Sayako-oba-sama responded to Sachiko-sama.
" &h.e.l.lip; I understand."
She agreed without enthusiasm. Although in truth, it seemed as though Sachiko-sama had made her objection on the grounds that they could have been named things like "Chinese Bellflower s.p.a.ce" or "Maple s.p.a.ce." But then shed decided there was no point in continuing that conversation, since her mother didnt seem to doubt her own naming sense in the slightest.
Still, at the very least it meant that all the s.p.a.ces on the board were rooms. The Ogasawara Residence was incredible, as expected.
"Alright, lets start with the first teams youngest member rolling the die."
The Yellow Rose team started first, since they looked the most eager. They rolled a three and advanced to the "Water Flea s.p.a.ce."
"It goes without saying, but the square number has no relation to its proximity to this room."
Sayako-oba-sama said. Okay, so just because it was square three didnt mean it was three rooms away.
The next team rolled the die, without waiting for the departed team to return. There was no "Miss a Turn," but the teams couldnt rejoin the game until theyd cleared the task in their room. Which meant that even after they found the room, if they took too long then there was the possibility that by the time they returned some other team had made their way to the end.
With that, the second-running White Rose team rolled a five and landed on the "Hippopotamus s.p.a.ce." Yumi rolled a one, and they headed for the "Komodo Dragon s.p.a.ce." It says "headed for," but none of the teams actually knew where to go so all they could do was wander around the house.
"It doesnt seem wise to wander around at random. Lets do a circle starting from here. This way we can memorize the location of the other rooms too."
"Okay~."
Yumi responded cheerfully to her onee-sama. But the "Komodo Dragon s.p.a.ce" wasnt that easy to find. On their way they spotted the "Water Flea s.p.a.ce" but it seemed like the Yellow Rose team hadnt found it yet. Behind them, they could hear Yoshino-sans cry of, "Its not here~."
The White Rose team soon found the "Hippopotamus s.p.a.ce" but when they came out they didnt head back to the room where Sayako-oba-sama was waiting, instead they set out in search of something. Hmm, that must have something to do with the instructions in the "Hippopotamus s.p.a.ce."
During all this hustle and bustle they found the "Komodo Dragon s.p.a.ce." It was a stall in the second-floor restroom. A bathroom stall was indeed a room, but -
"Whats this?"
Sachiko-sama screeched. Atop the closed lid of the western-style toilet was a pencil and a number of pages from a paperback book. Printed on the pages were crossword puzzles. Thus, the instructions:
"Solve a puzzle and bring it back."
The crosswords were in a 7x7 grid, so they wouldnt take that long to solve. Sachiko-sama briefly flicked through the pages and picked the one that she judged easiest.
"Since theres only one pencil, it looks like were supposed to solve it here."
Using the tank as a desk, the pencil moved fluidly. Yumi was wondering if there was some way she could help, but since she was no match for her onee-sama in terms of knowledge she remained silent so as not to interrupt her onee-samas thoughts.
"Yumi."
Suddenly, the sound of the pencil stopped.
"Y-yes."
"A recently popular four man comedy group, six characters, the first characters shi and the second last characters mo &h.e.l.lip; do you know it?"
Yumi was a bit excited, now that her time to shine had (maybe) arrived.
"Um &h.e.l.lip; Shi-something-something-something-mo-something."
She mumbled, counting along on her fingers.
"Ah, its "Shi-ma-n-mo-zu.""
It was a strange group, made up of two sort of cool twenty-somethings, another guy that was around the same age but looked scary, and an older guy in his forties. Shed seen them in commercials fairly often of late. Oh, so Sachiko-sama hadnt known that.
"Thanks, were done."
Sachiko-sama put the pencil down.
"Lets hurry back."
The pair rushed down the stairs and into the traditional j.a.panese room.
"Oh my, that was quick. Were going in order so youll have to wait a little while."
Sayako-oba-sama knocked back her daughter, who was out of breath and holding out the completed crossword puzzle, then continued leisurely eating some of the manjuu that Shimako-sans brother had made.
Next to them, the Yellow Rose soeurs were singing and dancing as they performed an old pop song.
(Th-this is &h.e.l.lip; )
"Thats right, the "Water Flea s.p.a.ce" was the home cinema."
Sachiko-sama muttered.
"They must have been given a ch.o.r.eography video and been instructed to master it."
"Ahh &h.e.l.lip; "
Even though she felt sorry for them, it was funny to watch. Still, the fact that they were able to memorize the dance steps in such a short time showed an incredible power of concentration. Or maybe those two had done that dance previously.
"Well done. That was perfect."
Their dance finished, Sayako-oba-sama applauded the pair heartily.
"Im ashamed to admit it, but my dads also a fan so we have the same video at home."
Speaking of Yoshino-sans father, he was the man whose eyes were all red when he came to the kendo tournament to inform them of the results of Yoshino-sans surgery. Yumis immediate reaction was, "He likes this group &h.e.l.lip;" - but while he was an older man now, he would have been young when they were popular.
The Yellow Rose team rolled the die and headed to a new room. It looked as though the White Rose team had been back to the room while the Red Rose team were solving the puzzle, as their piece had moved forwards.
"The crossword is correct. Yumi-chan, do the honors."
Yumi rolled the die, praying that it didnt come up as two. Because she now knew what task was awaiting them in the "Water Flea s.p.a.ce."
"Six."
The six landed them on the "Polka-dot Ribbonfish s.p.a.ce."
"The polka-dot ribbonfish is a type of fish, right?"
"Yes. Its a beautiful, sparkling fish that lives in the deep sea."
Sachiko-sama answered promptly, drawing on her vast knowledge.
"My mother, she must have flipped through an encyclopedia and picked the name of whatever animals caught her eye. Theres no sense of cohesion whatsoever."
"An encyclopedia &h.e.l.lip; "
That was sort of how it felt.
On that note, they hadnt yet set eyes on a door with "Polka-dot Ribbonfish Room" written on it. And with that, the pair decided to attack the areas they hadnt visited yet.
The Ogasawara house had several staircases (apparently). They went up a different staircase to the one earlier, chasing the "Polka-dot Ribbonfish."
At last they arrived in front of a traditional j.a.panese style room. The room at the end of the corridor seemed nondescript, like the one on the ground floor, but here the door was a horizontal slider. Stuck to the sliding door was a poster labeling this the "Polka-dot Ribbonfish s.p.a.ce."
"There isnt usually anything in this room."
Sachiko-sama put her hand on the door. At any rate, without a video player, they could a.s.sume they wouldnt be instructed to sing and dance.
"There isnt usually anything in there?"
"Well, theres some traditional clothes in the closet, and we use the room for changing, but - "
Sachiko-sama slid the door open as she answered. Whereupon.
" &h.e.l.lip; Theres something."
On the left-hand side of the six tatami mat sized room was a line of three folded paper cases. On the right-hand side were three folded kimono sashes. In the middle of the room was a basket containing all sorts of small items for use when putting on a kimono.
"What are we supposed to do with this - "
Yumi found this unbelievable and didnt want to make a move since they hadnt seen any instructions, but Sachiko-sama said:
"Yumi. Take your clothes off."
"Wha!?"