Jokes Book Collection Part Ix Part 162
How much deeper would oceans be if sponges didnt live there?
VENI, VEDI, VISA: I came, I saw, I did a little shopping.
If its true that we are here to help others, then what exactly are the OTHERS here for?
You never really learn to swear until you learn to drive.
Clones are people two.
If a man says something in the woods and there are no women there, is he still wrong?
If you cant be kind, at least have the decency to be vague.
Ever wonder what the speed of lightning would be if it didnt zigzag?
Nostalgia isnt what it used to be.
How do most men define marriage? A very expensive way to get your laundry done free.
The most effective way to remember your wifes birthday is to forget it once.
Getting married is very much like going to a restaurant with friends. You order what you want, then when you see what the other fellow has, you wish you had ordered that.
At the c.o.c.ktail party, one woman said to another, "Arent you wearing your wedding ring on the wrong finger?" The other replied, "Yes, I am, I married the wrong man."
Man is incomplete until he is married. Then he is finished.
A little boy asked his father, "Daddy, how much does it cost to get married?" And the father replied, "I dont know son, Im still paying."
Young Son: Is it true, Dad, I heard that in some parts of Africa a man doesnt know his wife until he marries her? Dad: That happens in every country, son.
Then there was a man who said, "I never knew what real happiness was until I got married; and then it was too late."
After a quarrel, a wife said to her husband, "You know, I was a fool when I married you." The husband replied, "Yes, dear, but I was in love and didnt notice."
A man inserted an ad in the cla.s.sifieds: "Wife wanted". Next day he received a hundred letters. They all said the same thing: "You can have mine."
When a man steals your wife, there is no better revenge than to let him keep her.
Marriage is the triumph of imagination over intelligence. Second marriage is the triumph of hope over experience.
300% Impotent.
A woman goes to her doctor, complaining that her husband is 300% impotent. The doctor says, "Im not sure I understand what you mean."
She says, "Well, the first 100% you can imagine. In addition, he burned his tongue and broke his finger!"