Imouto sae Ireba Ii. Vol 1 Chapter 6
Chapter 6
Turtle Soup
A few days pa.s.sed since the conception death of the ‘Bright Red Jäger (tentative name)’.
Hashima Itsuki continues to sleep under the kotatsu, playing his portable games and reading books from time to time.
To a bystander, such an act was merely him being lazy. However, it was an imperative part of novel creation.
At this point, Itsuki is thinking of new ideas to replace the ‘Bright Red Jäger (tentative name)’.
Ideas were not something that could be thought of by bucking up
into work mode and sitting in front of a computer; it typically comes
from relaxing and doing things unrelated to work. To be specific, like
playing games, reading books, having a shower, taking a dump, and so on.
Ideas will suddenly drop in just like that.
For an author, playing and rolling around lazily is an important topic too. It’s true. Please, believe it.
At this moment, besides Itsuki himself, Fuwa Haruto and Kani Nayuta were in the room, holed up under the kotatsu.
Haruto made a visit after leaving the editorial branch, and was
on his tablet, finishing up the rest of his report. Nayuta had nothing
to do but to run to Itsuki’s room and fool around, giving Haruto a “I
won’t be able to spend alone time with senpai here, shoo shoo” curse
look.
“Right, I’m done!”
Haruto finishes his work, and puts down the tablet, saying,
“Are you done? Then hurry back now, you man s.l.u.t of a Prince.”
“Stop calling me man s.l.u.t, Gerota-chan.[13]”
Nayuta spat without changing expression, and Haruto too retorted back with a smile on his face.
There’s a game called ‘Must be Popular’[14],
and the contest was about ‘who is the most popular with girls at
school’, a board game that would seem to cause anyone to rip their
friends faces apart. Back then, when everyone was playing this game,
Haruto won with an overwhelming party, beating Nayuta and the other
players, and from then on, Nayuta would call Haruto ‘Man s.l.u.t Prince’.
The reason for ‘Gerota’ was because Nayuta vomited onto Itsuki on the day of the awards ceremony, and Haruto saw it.
“Anyway, how are you doing there?”
Haruto asked Itsuki, who’s playing his PSP with a scowl.
“…Not good at all. The Murasama wouldn’t drop for me. I really want to kill the development staff now.”
“I’m asking about ideas for your new work, not asking you how are you doing playing your latest ‘Elminage’.”
Hearing that, Itsuki’s face got darker.
“That’s worse.”
Itsuki answers straight to be point, and Haruto gives a bitter smile.
“Senpai, come do pervy things with me to change the mood—”
“Don’t want to.”
Itsuki cut off Nayuta’s words without a second thought.
“Then let’s do something to change the mood.”
Haruto said.
“Fuu—” Itsuki sighed, and slowly got up, putting his PSP on the kotatsu. He was indicating that he accepted Haruto’s proposal.
“…So you accept the man s.l.u.t Prince’s proposal.”
Nayuta noted unhappily.
“Let me think…” Haruto pondered for a while, and said, “Let’s play Turtle to get our heads moving.”
““…!””
Itsuki and Nayuta looked completely tense.
“Are you…really serious…”
“To be expected of you, man s.l.u.t Prince. You like turtles that much?”
“Hm? If you aren’t confident, let’s change games, alright?”
Haruto’s little taunt baited both of them immediately.
“Don’t be silly! Have you forgotten that I have a perfect undefeated record when it comes to playing this game!?”
“I’ll advise you not to get too c.o.c.ky about this, man s.l.u.t Prince.”
“Alright then, let’s play. Also, your memory is way off, Itsuki.”
Turtle game—officially known as ‘Lateral Thinking Puzzle’, is a
kind of mystery game, and one of the cla.s.sic questions ‘Turtle Soup’ has
become a symbolic term a.s.sociated with it.
The rules were as follow—the questioner has to come up with one,
and the ones answering could ask of hints from the questioner, who then
can only answer Yes or No, and this continues until the final answer’s
derived.
For a specific example ‘A certain man went to a restaurant and
had some turtle soup. The man called in the chef, and asked “Is this
really turtle soup?” and the chef answered ‘that’s right’. The man left
the restaurant, and killed himself. Why is that?”
Then, the ones answering the question can ask questions like
“does the man have any allergy?”, or “Did the chef lie to the man?”,
questions that can only be answered with Yes or No. If the truth can be
discovered at the end of all this, the one asking the question wins.[15]
There is no need for additional tools, so such games are very
trendy in author meetings. There are similar questions that can be found
online, and there are collection books of such stories sold in the
market.
Itsuki and Haruto would typically come up with their original
problems when playing such games, and limit the number of questions to
be asked when playing.
Of course, it wouldn’t be difficult for the questioner to win if
he designs a ridiculous incident with a truth n.o.body can answer.
However, once the truth is revealed, if the question is really a ‘lame
question’ n.o.body could agree with, the questioner will be condemned with
harsh, cruel words like ‘you still have a lot more to work on before
being a pro’, or ‘Try aiming for the newcomer prize again’, or ‘we can
tell how twisted your fetishes are from your questions’, or ‘and you
dare to ask such a lame question. I see that there’s something really
wrong with your head’, so harsh are their words that even if they do
win, they’ll be mentally traumatized as a result.
Thus, the issue here would be whether anyone could design a
wonderful question that had a chance of being answered in a limited
number of questions, and that anyone could be convinced after hearing
the answer.
For authors, Turtle Soup is a terrifying game that forcefully stakes an author’s pride on the line.
“Now then, whoever thinks of a question first shall start. Limit of 15 turns. Alright, let’s start.”
Haruto gave the signal, and the 3 authors start to think of all kinds of questions.
After 3 minutes or so, “Right!” Itsuki’s the first to raise his hand.
“I’ll start first.”
“Ahn, senpai, you can start on me whenever you like.”
“Shut up already.”
Itsuki dampened Nayuta’s mood, and changed the question.
“A certain guy got married. The one he’s married to is ugly, has a
terrible personality, and has no charm to her at all. A perfectly
flawed person inside out. But the guy isn’t unhappy at all, and has a
happy life. Why’s that?”
“The girl’s his little sister, right?” “Isn’t it because the girl’s his little sister?”
Nayuta and Haruto answered at once.
Itsuki looked so stunned his face was cringing,
“Im-Impossible…how did you guess it without asking a question…! Are you able to read my heart or something!?”
“…It’s a totally dumb question, no doubt about it. But I guess
the description ‘perfectly flawed person inside out’ isn’t used badly,
so I’ll spare you and won’t attack your personality.”
“It’s a custom to hear your raise such s.h.i.tty questions every time, senpai.”
“Right, my turn next.”
After a pause, Haruto asked a question,
“—A certain author went way past the due date, but the editorial
branch did not reprimand the author, but was really grateful for that.
Why’s that?”
Both Itsuki and Nayuta widened their eyes.
They had a few experiences of missing the deadline completely,
and dragged on for so long that they were thoroughly told off by the
editorial branch. They could not think of how they would be thanked.
“…Is this a delusion of yours, you man s.l.u.t Prince?”
“Is that considered a question? Nayu-chan?”
Nayuta immediately shook her head.
“No, I’ll change the question a little…is this something that happened in modern j.a.pan?”
There were often questions that were set in Outer s.p.a.ce or Jomon Period[16], so one important point was to be certain of the background as soon as possible.
In the face of Nayuta’s question, “Yes.” Haruto answered.
“Yo-you’re kidding! That currently-rotten-to-the-core thing in
modern j.a.pan called the Publishing Industry can’t possibly have any
concerns for an author since it just keeps begging us to abide by our
deadlines, and those dream-like words can’t possibly happen! Haruto!
You’re an author too! You can understand, right!?”
“No, I never missed a deadline before so…”
“What…! Are you serious!? d.a.m.ned traitor!”
“How about you think about why you’re a Man s.l.u.t Prince before you act like some goody two shoes!?”
“Why is it that I end up being blamed in the end!?”
Faced with the unreasonable lecture from the duo, Haruto was taken aback.
“Kukuku…let’s see if you choose whether to abide by deadlines or maintain our friendship.”
“Such a wretched friendship.”
“You took the virginity of many girls, and you can’t break a single deadline?”
“I told you I’m not a man s.l.u.t!”
“The regret formed from being unable to protect (the deadline) will make one stronger and gentler.”
“You guys never had any intention of repenting, right!?”
“If you don’t dare to go past the deadline, do you think you’ll be able to break your duck?”
“Break…break my duck…?”
Those were some meaningless words, but there was a strange
convincing feeling coming from Nayuta’s mouth, and that rattled Haruto,
but he shook his head immediately.
“S-stop trying to convince me to be a sc.u.mbag! Anyway, think about this one properly!”
“Hmm, you’re right…” Itsuki ponders for a while, and says,
“A question then!…is that author a little sister?”
“I don’t know if there’s an older brother or sister involved, but
anyway, the answer to that is ‘No’. Just to add, the author’s
background isn’t important here.”
“Impossible…not a little sister, and praised for delaying…”
“…Can you stop wasting the number of possible questions, senpai?”
“…Sorry.”
Itsuki apologized sincerely, and then said,
“…But since the author’s background isn’t important…I guess
it has nothing to do with whether he’s a bestselling author or about to
be canned…so I guess the point’s about the editorial branch, right?”
“Ah, I see!” Nayuta said, “…Was that hint a little too obvious?” Haruto looked a little perturbed.
“Eh, was the editorial branch in some kind of emergency?” Nayuta asked.
“Yes.”
“Would it have helped the editorial branch to break away from
that dangerous situation if the author missed the deadline on that day?”
Itsuki asked.
“Yes.”
With consecutive affirmed replies, Itsuki and Nayuta could not help but smile.
However, they immediately showed grim faces after that.
“……So if he missed that deadline on that day, it would help solve the problem…what’s going on…”
“…If the author’s work was published, would there be trouble with the editorial branch?”
Haruto thought for a while, and then answered Nayuta’s question,
“Who knows? I guess the answer’s ‘No’ though.” He then shook his head, answering that.
“That’s a vague reply…but in any case, I guess it’s probably not because of the work itself.”
“I was wondering if it’s because there was a rip-off of certain
game character with strict copyright issues, or that Do***mon of
Shogakukan was used for the novel….”
“You’re really thinking of terrifying things here…”
Both of them continued to think, and Itsuki suddenly had an idea,
“Wait…Haruto, repeat that question again.”
“No problems. ‘A certain author went way past the due date, but
the editorial branch did not reprimand the author, but was really
grateful for that. Why’s that?’”
Haruto repeated the words exactly, and Itsuki asked, feeling unconfident.
“…The due date you’re saying, refers to, that novel…no matter whether it’s manga original or game script…the submission deadline for that novelist’s work?”
Haruto grinned,
“No, of course.”
“…! Oh…then, in any case…!”
“Eh? What’s going on? It’s not about being unable to meet the deadline…? I don’t understand what that means?”
Itsuki ignored a completely bewildered Nayuta as the latter tilted her head, and continued to ask agitatedly,
“So for the novelist, breaking the deadline would be doing so in the phyiscal sense!?”
“Yes.” Haruto affirmed with a bitter smile.
“Physical…? Ah!”
Nayuta too gave an enlightened look.
“Was the editorial branch room sealed up when the novelist went past the deadline?”
“Yes…you’re getting closer.”
“So if the novelist exceeds the deadline, did all the people in the editorial branch lose consciousness?”
“Yes. Some of them might not be knocked out, but n.o.body could move.”
Haruto seemed to have given up as he shrugged his shoulders, and Itsuki grinned gleefully, answering, “I got it.”
“…Here’s how it is. The windows and doors were sealed up,
resulting in carbon monoxide in the room that caused everyone in the
editorial branch to pa.s.s out from carbon monoxide posioning. A novelist
just happened to pop by, found that something was amiss, broke the doors and windows, saving the editorial branch from the crisis, and was thanked by everyone! ‘Simekiri[17]
here can refer to both the due date, and ‘places where everything’s
sealed up’—the simekiri in this situation doesn’t refer to the due date
of the draft, but that the editorial branch was sealed so tightly
there’s no ventilation!”
“Right. Actually, I did also come up with why the carbon monoxide was formed, but I won’t nitpick on that. Your win.”
“Fuhahahahaha!! This kind of question is too easy for me!”
Haruto smiled, Itsuki laughed out loud, and Nayuta clapped her hands, saying,
“For a man s.l.u.t Prince, I guess that’s a decent question?”
“Why thanks. Your turn next, Nayu-chan.”
“Got it. I’ll really shock you with this amazing question, so much that your p*nis won’t be able to get erect again.”
Nayuta said a chilling matter, and calmly stated her question,
“A man jumped. He died. Why?”
““Ah?””
The question was overly simple; Itsuki and Haruto both exclaimed in shock.
“Leaving that aside, are you sure that’s all for your question?” Haruto asked.
“…If this is a some kind of a s.h.i.tty question where you can’t
get the truth within 15 questions, I’m going to humiliate you with
something worse than b.i.t.c.h, Lord Kani[18].
“No problems.”
Nayuta promised confidently, and the duo started to think,
“Died after jumping…? Was it suicide from a building, or a failed jump from a ski…? Erm, did the guy fall because he fell?”
“No.”
“What…?” Haruto was shocked, and continued asking, “…Is it
something similar to my question? Some kind of trap in the word
‘jump’…? Then…did the guy owe any debt?”
In the financial world, paying the interest and delaying the
princ.i.p.al loan back is called ‘jump’ by experts in the industry. In
other words, Haruto a.s.sumed that it was a dispute over money.
But Nayuta’s answer was—
“I don’t know. In any case, I guess it’s a ‘no’.”
“He doesn’t owe any debt…eh…was the guy killed?”
“No.”
“Does the guy have a little sister?”
“How would I know about that!?”
Nayuta coldly retorted at Itsuki’s question “Please, stop wasting
the questions with such a dumb one…” even Haruto could not help but
grumble.
“Did the guy jump from a high place?”
“No.”
“No!? So, he didn’t die from a place high up, or his heart didn’t
stop when he was falling…it’s not a situation where he died falling
form somewhere high up…was the guy hanged to death?”
“No.”
“Did the guy die inside the room?”
“No.”
“Did the guy die outside the room?”
“Outside…nope, answer’s no.”
“Not inside or outside…? Did the guy die in a dangerous place?”
“Right.”
Haruto asked a few questions in succession, but was ultimately unable to grasp the crux of the situation.
“…Did it happen in modern j.a.pan?”
Itsuki suddenly thought of the question Nayuta asked Haruto about, and tried asking. So—
“…No.”
Nayuta’s eyeborws twitched as she answered, probably because she was rattled.
“It didn’t happen in modern j.a.pan? So, is the setting based overseas?”
“Yes. Probably.”
“Probably…?”
“So it means that it doesn’t matter whether it’s local or
overseas…? But I get the feeling that the setting’s an important
point…”
And so, Haruto suddenly had an idea.
“Did this incident happen in reality?”
After a long pause, Nayuta replied,
“…No.”
“Ah, I see…I think I get it…”
Saying that, Haruto showed a bitter smile, appearing as though he was suffering from a migraine.
Itsuki was confused, and asked, bothered by this, “What does this mean?”
“…This has something to do with gaming, right?” Haruto asked.
“…Right.”
Nyauta curled her lips as she answered,
And while she remained so, Haruto revealed the answer to this question in an inquisitive manner,
“Is the man called Spelunker?”
“…Right.”
Nayuta nodded in regret.
“Nayu-chan…to be honest, I think this question’s really terrible. Well, it’s way better than Itsuki’s though.”
“Mmmnnn…”
Haruto sighed, giving a bitter smile, while Nayuta groaned in displeasure.
On the other hand, “Hmm? Ahh? A video game?” Itsuki looked completely surprised.
“There’s an old action game called ‘Spelunker’.” Haruto
explained. “The protagonist’s an adventurer, and the objective is to
explore the ruins, but this protagonist dies all the time, whether by
the s.h.i.t from the bats, or by places a little shorter than he is.
Anyway, the protagonist is infamous for having a weaker body than any
ordinary person, kicking the bucket at any given moment. There are
moments where if he jumps from a tall place, he’ll die in mid-air before
he crashes into the floor.”
“…Ahh, I think I saw it somewhere on the internet before! It’s a famous s.h.i.tty game, I remember, right!?”
“Right right.”
”Spelunker isn’t some s.h.i.tty game!!
Nayuta suddenly yelled out, looking displeased,
“It’s true that Spelunker-san dies because of anything, but if
you know that it’s the game rules, and cautiously play the game, you’ll
understand that the game itself isn’t unreasonable, that those that
didn’t follow the game rules probably caused the protagonist’s death!
Lots of people who never played the game said it’s s.h.i.tty because the
protagonist is a famous weak character.
“H-heh…” “O-oh…?”
Both Haruto and Itsuki were stunned to see Nayuta lash out so agitatedly.
…Back when Kani Nayuta was being a NEET, she was addicted to
freeware games spread around on the internet, and could purchase old
games by downloading. Even after becoming an author, she was pa.s.sionate
about such retro games.
“So, let’s play Spelunker.”
On Nayuta’s recommendation, Itsuki bought Spelunker on the Wii Virtual Console, and the trio challenged the game.
Later on, Haruto had a different understanding of the game, “It’s
very difficult, but still pa.s.sable if you’re careful. It’s not as
unreasonable as its infamy states.” However, Itsuki would die at the
beginning no matter how he tried, “It’s a s.h.i.tty game alright!” and in
his shame and fury, he concluded.
However, Itsuki gained an inspiration, and submitted an idea “a
Spelunker little sister who dies to anything” to the editor for vetting,
only to be rebuffed. Why was that?