Cinderella Did Not Leave Her Shoe Chapter 34-36
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34 Prepare
Your Heart
The experience
being deflowered is different for most people.
I heard that
it feels like one is being absolutely ripped apart.
And that there
is lots of blood.
But there are
some people that feel good from the start.
I wonder what
root of the big difference is.
I am not sure
about this type of knowledge. I have never been told of it directly, and I am
hesitant to ask someone directly. In the first place, I don’t have any friends.
Well, Prince Stefan is excluded in this case.
Such juicy
things are not written in books. (Zuben: Maybe not the ones you read)
For Volker to
be troubled, I guess it must be a very painful and tearful experience.
…I’m not
disgruntled…well, not so much.
I don’t want
to think about it, but I wonder if Volker’s reaction was from a past bitter
failure. He was defensive because he didn’t want to repeat it.
Maybe that was
why he wanted to confirm whether I was with Eugene the same way. Would it have
been better to have been? Is it better for Volker? But I’m glad I didn’t even
kiss Eugene! That is my honest thought.
Despite the
shameful thought that I would like to have Volker for my first time, it do
think it is embarra.s.sing to sit on his thighs, and the kissing and how he rubs
my b.r.e.a.s.t.s painfully.
Is this the
deep river between a man and a woman?
No no no no, I
should get a hold of myself. How hilarious for me to be burning with jealousy
about women in Volker’s past. I’m sure Volker is genuinely worried about me.
During the
conversation with General Bresslin, Volker was more concerned about me than
himself.
That is right.
Volker always thinks of me.
I want to
respond to that feeling.
I mean…I like
him!
I just want to
do it because I like him, I do!
Better than
hugs, I would like to experience a way to be connected to Volker more deeply
with Volker. More than a kiss! How did it feel to have his strong broad chest
against my bare skin? What would happen if he touches my body all over with his
big hands? (Zuben: Hohoho!)
My thoughts
are making me blush, is it unpleasant? (Zuben: Nah, you’re normal.)
It doesn’t
matter, I- I want to feel Volker with my whole body!
I thump the
table with my fist, and heard a voice saying ‘Wow!’
‘Oh pardon
me.’ I apologised to Prince Stefan.
Yes, I was
taking tea with Prince Stefan. (Zuben: and thinking about feeling Volker with
your whole body. Mult.i.tasking) After leaving General Bresslin, I rushed to the
appointed terrace in a hurry. I had kept the Prince waiting and I got scolded.
His belly was
already bloated with bitter tea when my sweets arrived.
I-I’m sorry I
offended Crown Prince. That being said, although he seems to be a cold person
at first sight, I’ve come to realise he was very tolerant once he has you in
his pocket.
I’m sorry,
your Highness, I’m kinda useless. Is this a kind of grace?
‘What were you
thinking; you had a pretty difficult expression?’ he asked. Stefan casually
shooed away his escort knights, thinking it would be a complicated tale. He took a
graceful bite of the apple pie I had brought, and there was a little frown
between his eyebrows, but he made a sound of appreciation.
It looked like
a common apple pie.
‘It is hard to
speak of it frankly,’ I reply. I also took a bite of the apple pie.
Wow,
delicious! It was a nice balance of sour and sweet with an aroma of cinnamon.
‘What the h.e.l.l
is that?’ Stefan replied as he finished his portion of apple pie and reached
for the cupcakes. Though, the little cupcakes seemed unsuitable for the
dignified Crown Prince, it was also very wonderful.
‘I was
thinking of Volker.’ I said. It wasn’t a lie, I was thinking about Volker, but
the content could be omitted. Stefan raised an eyebrow.
‘I understand
that it is about Brennan, but what is with the difficult expression?’
My smile
wobbled.
I’m dying here…
How should I say
this?
‘I was
wondering if Volker is really thinking of me.’
Well, that is
the sanitised version anyway. I can’t really tell him that I was in anguish
about doing it with Volker.
‘You idiot.
You don’t know how important you are to Brennan?’
Stefan reached
for another cupcake, different flavour this time. Ahh, Your Highness, if you
eat too much you won’t be able to have dinner. That being said, it would be
alright if he was going to exercise after.
‘Brennan
allowed me to have tea with you under conditions: Do not look at you directly
for over three seconds. Do not touch your hands. Do not touch you. Do not eat
your homemade sweets because they are his, and don’t fall in love with you. I
wonder why.’ (Zuben: If this was a melo, it would have been a foregone
conclusion)
Huh, what is
that?
‘It seems that
he doesn’t want you to meet other men. Brennan is very concerned about the
difference in your age. He is particularly anxious when you meet a man close in
age to you. He wonders if that person is more suited to you than he. But then
he also considers them to be maggots not worthy of you.’
I shuffled
closer to him.
‘I am also
anxious that there is a nice woman that suits him more, because I am too
childish and our status isn’t balanced. I haven’t had any physical
relationships and I don’t know how to be in love.’ (Zuben: you’ve said it all
out now)
The Prince
moved the same distance away from me.
‘Brennan said
not to sit too close.’ He said, ‘Anyway, you guys have similar feelings, if you
could tell each other without using me as your go between, it would be fine.’
In short, do
not bother me with your complications.
He flattened
another cupcake.
Indeed, I am
troubling Crown Prince Stefan. Pardon me!
‘That being
said, Brennan is serious about you.’ He said with a little curl of his lip.
He was? I
tilted me head to one side.
Wasn’t Volker
always serious?
‘He makes you
sit on his lap like that in public, even though you’ve not touched the floor
yet. Well, do you best.’ (Zuben: I wasn’t sure how to edit this line: 「あんなに人前で膝に乗せたりするのに、まだ床を共にしていないとはな。まあ、頑張れ」)
Ehhh!! Did I
possibly say out extra things?! (Zuben: Well…)
My face heated as I
blushed.
Oh forget it,
forget it.
Prince Stefan
gave a self satisfied laugh as he leaned back in his chair arm crossed. He
seemed pleased with his own advice. He wasn’t bossy, he’s great.
‘A man would
be happy to be seduced by the woman he loves.’
An invite from
me?!
But how? How
do I say that? In what situation?
‘That…isn’t
that if I can burn away the feeling of embarra.s.sment?’
‘Isn’t just
right that the cat is burnt off?’ he replied with a wicked grin. This person
looked very bad but why did he also look reliable at the same time?
I am the cat.
(Zuben: This cat that doesn’t actually mean a cat – stop haunting me!)
But, that’s
right.
There is no
need to wait for the man to ask, if you both like each other. Even the man
would be nervous and worried.
Alright, let’s
do it. (Zuben: Fist pump)
I will invite
him – I will hold out my hand.
Let’s have
that feeling with Volker.
Zuben: This
chapter was rather difficult, hope it makes sense to everyone.
35 But before
that…
Although I had
resolved my determination, I thought that it would be useless if I had no idea.
(Zuben: Not really)
Since I was
shy, I decided to ask the teacher least p.r.o.ne to embarra.s.sment.
I found Mother
writing a letter, she held her pen to her lips thinking. I waited patiently
till she was finished and we are by ourselves and asked her. She replied,
‘Well…it
hurts. Have you not done it yet?’
As expected,
Mother was a straight-forward person. It was a good idea to ask her.
‘Well, I’m not
married yet, is it alright to do it before I get married?!’ (Zuben: Your mother
is a weirdo, Freddie)
What about a
maiden’s modesty, society’s censure and such like?!
But Mother
just wriggled her eyebrows and gave me a look as if she was wondering why I had
said that. (Zuben: You got an innocent child)
Even if you
thought “Okay, I’ll do it!”, can you do it? There are other things to
consider like the circ.u.mstances of your partner and timing. I’m engaged to
someone I like, so I’m not going to say no.’
s.e.x before
marriage isn’t recommended, if I did it anyway, should I show it off or but on
an air of innocence?
My face got
hot.
Mother! What
kind of things are you telling your daughter?!
Mother looked
at me with narrowed eyes, but they still held a gentle expression. She suddenly
barked out in laughter,
‘Haha!’
Mother
beckoned me over to sit beside her; she caressed my hair as she said
mirthfully, ‘I was only joking. You’re really going to be a bride soon, when I
thought about it I was deeply impressed.’
It’s been a
while since she has done this, so it made me a bit fl.u.s.tered. That being said,
it was pleasant to have mother caress my hair, I closed my eyes and cuddled
closer to her.
‘Because you
grew up to be such a good girl by nature, I could relax. Thank you,’ Mother
said.
‘Such is not
so! It’s because I am Mother’s child…!’
Oh no! Now I
feel like I am about to cry! But why does it suddenly feel like the morning of
a parting? I have only come to ask for guidance about the first time and how to
avoid pain.
We ended up
facing each other solemnly after calming down with a cup of tea and a few biscuits.
Mother
regained her composure and looked at me with a bright gaze,
‘So what would
you like to ask?’ Mother asked. She was ready to listen to my questions.
I leaned
forward and asked, ‘Is there a good way or excuse to invite a man to bed?’
‘It depends on
timing and the partner. It is on occasion. Next question.’
‘How do I make
a man more attracted to me?’
‘I don’t know
because different people have different tastes. Next question.’
Hmm, did she
really want to answer my questions?
‘Em, I heard
that it hurts, but should I do to accept him?’
‘Well, trust
General Brennan. Open your heart and your crotch. If your mind isn’t ready,
your body won’t be ready. (Zuben: All is ready, she doesn’t know it yet) You
will become wet when you are caressed, and he will use his fingers to loosen
you up. It is not enough, he will use a balm. I have prepared the finest kind,
I will give it to you later. There is also a coating ointment that is very effective
as well. There is nothing special to say but do your best!’ Mother concluded a
little too spiritedly as she clenched her fist up.
Huh…what is
with the shout?!
Of course, I
trust Volker, but I don’t know about opening my mind and crotch. How to do…what
to do…other than securing perfumed oils for the time being!
Mother seemed
to have exhausted herself in that burst of fighting spirit collapsed against
the back rest of the settee, I leaned back beside her. I felt a bit breathless,
I got tired in such a short time!
‘You are
worried because he is physically different from you, but I am not worried. ‘
Nnn? I turned
my head to Mother.
‘In the end
you like him. Why get caught up in thinking it is impossible? You two will fit.
And you are in good shape, so you’ll be alright.’
Mother’s words
had no ground or support to back it, but it fell into my heart like a stone.
36 One Small
Question
With a vague
confidence in my chest, I returned to my room for the time being.
I wonder if
it is okay. I think for a moment and opened my closet.
I pulled open
my underwear drawer and pulled out its multicoloured contents.
The first
thing I can imagine is wearing pure white underwear like a bride. But I’ve
heard that men like women to be s.e.xy, would it be better to be bewitching in
black? No, I don’t think it would suit me. A bride is dressed in white in the
first place. Did it signify being dyed in a man’s colour? (Zuben: why do these
j.a.panese women like this dyeing in people’s colour situation?)
Wow, would I
be dyed in Volker’s colour?!
It is what I
want. Will you dye me, Volker? Fu ~oaa~a~aa! Just think about it makes me
what to faint. (Zuben: Enough of that carry on, Freddie)
But…
‘I should get
something fresh…’ I said to myself, ‘I can’t deny there should be feeling of
new beginnings.’
I’m sure
everyone would take the bride’s underwear for granted because the bride is
cure. But if I were to wear underwear especially for the wedding, I would wipe
away my worries about whether or not Volker would like it.
Do I have to
devise a plan to find his opinion? Would this involve going to the person or
going to a fashionable lingerie shop for research?
I wriggled
left to right as I groaned – ruminating.
‘Miss,’ I was
called. I turned to find Oliver standing over me.
‘Oliver,’ I
cried. I was surprised at my despondent tone of voice, but Oliver seemed to
have sensed I was troubled so, with a rise of an eyebrow, he went to close my
door.
‘Why have you
been groaning, Miss?’ he asked as he came closer. He didn’t make a sound when
he walked, he folded his legs and sat before me in front of the closet. He is
one corner of the top three that could not show weakness. (Zuben: Don’t ask me
what) But he is kind. The flaw in the jade was that he was too serious, could
be vindictive but he was ultimately reliable.
I will rely on
him for an answer,
‘Oliver, can I
ask you a question?’
As a talented
butler, he does look after me.
Alright, I
will take the plunge. Let’s go!
‘What kind of
underwear to men like?’
I saw
something I had never seen before.
‘It is
unsightly for the young Miss to ask a person of the opposite s.e.x this
question.’ He replied.
I thought it
would be best not to point out that Oliver’s cheeks were somewhat red.
‘It would be
unseemly to ask other people but I think it is okay to ask Oliver.’ I replied.
Because he was family. He had been with my family since before I was born. I
think of him as my other father without permission.
I could ask
Oliver things I couldn’t ask my father. So the weakness is tightly grasped.
(Zuben: Whose? Yours or Oliver’s?)
‘Please
consult Lady Pamela or Marie about such things,’ he replied as he rose. I
caught the hem of his jacket.
‘Please
Oliver, I want to know a man’s opinion.’
And I won’t
accept a reply about “individual preferences” either.
‘I would like
to know what your taste it.’
If it doesn’t
work with Oliver…then I would have to rely on Prince Stefan. I lowered my eyes
trying to look harmless and demure.
Sorry Oliver,
please be honest with your opinion.
He cleared his
throat and said very reluctantly, ‘In general, brides are seen to be pure and
innocent in their white dresses. They are supposed to see the wedding ceremony
as sacred, so following the same like of thought, the underwear chosen is
usually white I think.’
Well, I know
that part. That is general knowledge. I want more personal knowledge.
I make puppy
eyes and urge him on, ‘So what kind do you like?’
‘Er…em…white…lace.
It looks pure and beautiful on the skin.’
‘Lace…’
I see. I had
been convinced only girls like lace. Oliver left my room, ‘I shall take my
leave now, apologies young Miss.’
I don’t want
Oliver to be upset I put him on the spot, so I decided to apologise to him
later. But for some reason, it became difficult for me to see Oliver in the
mansion.
I wonder why?
Apologies for any typos...
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