Agahta Christie - An autobiography Part 1
Agatha Christie.
An Autobiography.
by Agatha Christie.
PREFACE
Agatha Christie began to write this book in April 1950; she finished it some fifteen years later when she was 75 years old. Any book written over so long a period must contain certain repet.i.tions and inconsistencies and these have been tidied up. Nothing of importance has been omitted, however: substantially, this is the autobiography as she would have wished it to appear.
She ended it when she was 75 because, as she put it, 'it seems the right moment to stop. Because, as far as life is concerned, that is all there is to say.' The last ten years of her life saw some notable triumphsthe film of Murder on the Orient Express; Murder on the Orient Express; the continued phenomenal run of the continued phenomenal run of The Mousetrap; The Mousetrap; sales of her books throughout the world growing ma.s.sively year by year and in the United States taking the position at the top of the best-seller charts which had for long been hers as of right in Britain and the Commonwealth; her appointment in 1971 as a Dame of the British Empire. Yet these are no more than extra laurels for achievements that in her own mind were already behind her. In 1965 she could truthfully write...'I am satisfied. I have done what I want to do.' sales of her books throughout the world growing ma.s.sively year by year and in the United States taking the position at the top of the best-seller charts which had for long been hers as of right in Britain and the Commonwealth; her appointment in 1971 as a Dame of the British Empire. Yet these are no more than extra laurels for achievements that in her own mind were already behind her. In 1965 she could truthfully write...'I am satisfied. I have done what I want to do.'
Though this is an autobiography, beginning, as autobiographies should, at the beginning and going on to the time she finished writing, Agatha Christie has not allowed herself to be too rigidly circ.u.mscribed by the strait-jacket of chronology. Part of the delight of this book lies in the way in which she moves as her fancy takes her; breaking off here to muse on the incomprehensible habits of housemaids or the compensations of old age; jumping forward there because some trait in her childlike character reminds her vividly of her grandson. Nor does she feel any obligation to put everything in. A few episodes which to some might seem importantthe celebrated disappearance, for exampleare not mentioned, though in that particular case the references elsewhere to an earlier attack of amnesia give the clue to the true course of events. As to the rest, 'I have remembered, I suppose, what I wanted to remember', and though she describes her parting from her first husband with moving dignity, what she usually wants to remember are the joyful or the amusing parts of her existence.
Few people can have extraced more intense or more varied fun from life, and this book, above all, is a hymn to the joy of living.
If she had seen this book into print she would undoubtedly have wished to acknowledge many of those who had helped bring that joy into her life; above all, of course, her husband Max and her family. Perhaps it would not be out of place for us, her publishers, to acknowledge her. her. For fifty years she bullied, berated and delighted us; her insistence on the highest standards in every field of publishing was a constant challenge; her good-humour and zest for life brought warmth into our lives. That she drew great pleasure from her writing is obvious from these pages; what does not appear is the way in which she could communicate that pleasure to all those involved with her work, so that to publish her made business ceaselessly enjoyable. It is certain that both as an author and as a person Agatha Christie will remain unique. For fifty years she bullied, berated and delighted us; her insistence on the highest standards in every field of publishing was a constant challenge; her good-humour and zest for life brought warmth into our lives. That she drew great pleasure from her writing is obvious from these pages; what does not appear is the way in which she could communicate that pleasure to all those involved with her work, so that to publish her made business ceaselessly enjoyable. It is certain that both as an author and as a person Agatha Christie will remain unique.
FOREWORD
NIMRUD, IRAQ. 2 April 1950.
Nimrud is the modern name of the ancient city of Calah, the military capital of the a.s.syrians. Our Expedition House is built of mud-brick.
It sprawls out on the east side of the mound, and has a kitchen, a livingand dining-room, a small office, a workroom, a drawing office, a large store and pottery room, and a minute darkroom (we all sleep in tents).
But this year one more room has been added to the Expedition House, a room that measures about three metres square. It has a plastered floor with rush mats and a couple of gay coa.r.s.e rugs. There is a picture on the wall by a young Iraqi artist, of two donkeys going through the Souk, all done in a maze of brightly coloured cubes. There is a window looking out east towards the snow-topped mountains of Kurdistan. On the outside of the door is affixed a square card on which is printed in cuneiform BEIT AGATHA (Agatha's House).
So this is my 'house' and the idea is that in it I have complete privacy and can apply myself seriously to the business of writing. As the dig proceeds there will probably be no time for this. Objects will need to be cleaned and repaired. There will be photography, labelling, cataloguing and packing. But for the first week or ten days there should be comparative leisure.
It is true that there are certain hindrances to concentration. On the roof overhead, Arab workmen are jumping about, yelling happily to each other and altering the position of insecure ladders. Dogs are barking, turkeys are gobbling. The policeman's horse is clanking his chain, and the window and door refuse to stay shut, and burst open alternately. I sit at a fairly firm wooden table, and beside me is a gaily painted tin box with which Arabs travel. In it I propose to keep my typescript as it progresses.
I ought ought to be writing a detective story, but with the writer's natural urge to write anything but what he should be writing, I long, quite unexpectedly, to write my autobiography. The urge to write one's autobiography, so I have been told, overtakes everyone sooner or later. It has suddenly overtaken me. to be writing a detective story, but with the writer's natural urge to write anything but what he should be writing, I long, quite unexpectedly, to write my autobiography. The urge to write one's autobiography, so I have been told, overtakes everyone sooner or later. It has suddenly overtaken me.
On second thoughts, autobiography is much too grand a word. It suggests a purposeful study of one's whole life. It implies names, dates and places in tidy chronological order. What I want is to plunge my hand into a lucky dip and come up with a handful of a.s.sorted memories.
Life seems to me to consist of three parts: the absorbing and usually enjoyable present which rushes on from minute to minute with fatal speed; the future, dim and uncertain, for which one can make any number of interesting plans, the wilder and more improbable the better, sinceas nothing will turn out as you expect it to doyou might as well have the fun of planning anyway; and thirdly, the past, the memories and realities that are the bedrock of one's present life, brought back suddenly by a scent, the shape of a hill, an old songsome triviality that makes one suddenly say 'I remember...' with a peculiar and quite unexplainable pleasure.
This is one of the compensations that age brings, and certainly a very enjoyable oneto remember.
Unfortunately you often wish not only to remember, but also to talk talk about what you remember. And this, you have to tell yourself repeatedly, is boring for other people. Why should they be interested in what, after all, is about what you remember. And this, you have to tell yourself repeatedly, is boring for other people. Why should they be interested in what, after all, is your your life, not theirs? They do, occasionally, when young, accord to you a certain historical curiosity. life, not theirs? They do, occasionally, when young, accord to you a certain historical curiosity.
'I suppose,' a well-educated girl says with interest, 'that you remember all all about the Crimea?' about the Crimea?'
Rather hurt, I reply that I'm not quite as old as that. I also repudiate partic.i.p.ation in the Indian Mutiny. But I admit to recollections of the Boer WarI should do, my brother fought in it.
The first memory that springs up in my mind is a clear picture of myself walking along the streets of Dinard on market day with my mother. A boy with a great basket of stuff cannons roughly into me, grazing my arm and nearly knocking me flat. It hurts. I begin to cry. I am, I think, about seven years old.
My mother, who likes stoic behaviour in public places, remonstrates with me.
'Think,' she says, 'of our brave soldiers in South Africa.'
My answer is to bawl out: 'I don't want to be a brave soldier. I want to be a cowyard!'
What governs one's choice of memories? Life is like sitting in a cinema. Flick! Here am I, a child eating eclairs on my birthday. Flick!
Two years have pa.s.sed and I am sitting on my grandmother's lap, being solemnly trussed up as a chicken just arrived from Mr Whiteley's, and almost hysterical with the wit of the joke.
Just momentsand in between long empty s.p.a.ces of months or even years. Where was one then? It brings home to one Peer Gynt's question: 'Where was I, myself, the whole man, the true man?'
We never know the whole man, though sometimes, in quick flashes, we know the true man. I think, myself, that one's memories represent those moments which, insignificant as they may seem, nevertheless represent the inner self and oneself as most really oneself.
I am today the same person as that solemn little girl with pale flaxen sausage-curls. The house in which the spirit dwells, grows, develops instincts and tastes and emotions and intellectual capacities, but I myself, the true Agatha, am the same. I do not know the whole Agatha.
The whole Agatha, so I believe, is known only to G.o.d.
So there we are, all of us, little Agatha Miller, and big Agatha Miller, and Agatha Christie and Agatha Mallowan proceeding on our way-where? That one doesn't knowwhich, of course, makes life exciting. I have always thought life exciting and I still do.
Because one knows so little of itonly one's own tiny partone is like an actor who has a few lines to say in Act I. He has a type-written script with his cues, and that is all he can know. He hasn't read the play. Why should he? His but to say 'The telephone is out of order, Madam' and then retire into obscurity.
But when the curtain goes up on the day of performance, he will hear the play through, and he will be there to line up with the rest, and take his call.
To be part of something one doesn't in the least understand is, I think, one of the most intriguing things about life.
I like living. I have sometimes been wildly despairing, acutely miserable, racked with sorrow, but through it all I still know quite certainly that just to be be alive is a grand thing. alive is a grand thing.
So what I plan to do is to enjoy the pleasures of memorynot hurrying myself-writing a few pages from time to time. It is a task that will probably go on for years. But why do I call it a task task? It is an indulgence.
I once saw an old Chinese scroll that I loved. It featured an old man sitting under a tree playing cat's cradle. It was called 'Old Man enjoying the pleasures of Idleness.' I've never forgotten it.
So having settled that I'm going to enjoy myself, I had better, perhaps, begin. And though I don't expect to be able to keep up chronological continuity, I can at least try to begin at the beginning.
PART I
ASHFIELD
O! ma chere maison; mon nid, mon gite Le pa.s.se Vhabite...O ma chere maison
I
One of the luckiest things that can happen to you in life is to have a happy childhood. I had a very happy childhood. I had a home and a garden that I loved; a wise and patient Nanny; as father and mother two people who loved each other dearly and made a success of their marriage and of parenthood.
Looking back I feel that our house was truly a happy house. That was largely due to my father, for my father was a very agreeable man. The quality of agreeableness Is not much stressed nowadays. People tend to ask if a man is clever, industrious, if he contributes to the well-being of the community, if he 'counts' in the scheme of things. But Charles d.i.c.kens puts the matter delightfully in David Copperfield: David Copperfield: 'Is your brother an agreeable man, Peggotty?' I enquired cautiously.
'Oh what an agreeable man he is!' exclaimed Peggotty.
Ask yourself that question about most of your friends and acquaintances, and you will perhaps be surprised at how seldom your answer will be the same as Peggotty's.
By modern standards my father would probably not be approved of.
He was a lazy man. It was the days of independent incomes, and if you had an independent income you didn't work. You weren't expected to. I strongly suspect that my father would not have been particularly good at working anyway.
He left our house in Torquay every morning and went to his club.
He returned, in a cab, for lunch, and in the afternoon went back to the club, played whist all afternoon, and returned to the house in time to dress for dinner. During the season, he spent his days at the Cricket Club, of which he was President. He also occasionally got up amateur theatricals. He had an enormous number of friends and loved entertaining them. There was one big dinner party at our home every week, and he and my mother went out to dinner usually another two or three times a week.
It was only later that I realized what a much loved man he was. After his death, letters came from all over the world. And locally tradesmen, cabmen, old employeesagain and again some old man would come up to me and say: 'Ah! I remember Mr Miller well. I'll never forget him.
Not many like him nowadays.'
Yet he had no outstanding characteristics. He was not particularly intelligent. I think that he had a simple and loving heart, and he really cared for his fellow men. He had a great sense of humour and he easily made people laugh. There was no meanness in him, no jealousy, and he was almost fantastically generous. And he had a natural happiness and serenity.
My mother was entirely different. She was an enigmatic and arresting personalitymore forceful than my fatherstartlingly original in her ideas, shy and miserably diffident about herself, and at bottom, I think, with a natural melancholy.
Servants and children were devoted to her, and her lightest word was always promptly obeyed. She would have made a first cla.s.s educator.
Anything she told you immediately became exciting and significant.
Sameness bored her and she would jump from one subject to another in a way that sometimes made her conversation bewildering. As my father used to tell her, she had no sense of humour. To that accusation she would protest in an injured voice: 'Just because I don't think certain stories of yours are funny, Fred...' and my father would roar with laughter.
She was about ten years younger than my father and she had loved him devotedly ever since she was a child often. All the time that he was a gay young man, flitting about between New York and the South of France, my mother, a shy quiet girl, sat at home, thinking about him, writing an occasional poem in her 'alb.u.m,' embroidering a pocket-book for him.
That pocket-book, incidentally, my father kept all his life.
A typically Victorian romance, but with a wealth of deep feeling behind it.
I am interested in my parents, not only because they were were my parents, but because they achieved that very rare production, a happy marriage. my parents, but because they achieved that very rare production, a happy marriage.
Up to date I have only seen four completely successful marriages. Is there a formula for success? I can hardly think so. Of my four examples, one was of a girl of seventeen to a man over fifteen years her senior. He had protested she could not know her mind. She replied that she knew it perfectly and had determined to marry him some three years back!
Their married life was further complicated by having first one and then the other mother-in-law living with them-enough to wreck most alliances. The wife is calm with a quality of deep intensity. She reminds me a little of my mother without having her brilliance and intellectual interests. They have three children, all now long out in the world. Their partnership has lasted well over thirty years and they are still devoted.
Another was that of a young man to a woman fifteen years older than himselfa widow. She refused him for many years, at last accepted him, and they lived happily until her death 35 years later.
My mother Clara Boehmer went through unhappiness as a child.
Her father, an officer in the Argyll Highlanders, was thrown from his horse and fatally injured, and my grandmother was left, a young and lovely widow with four children, at the age of 27 with nothing but her widow's pension. It was then that her elder sister, who had recently married a rich American as his second wife, wrote to her offering to adopt one of the children and bring it up as her own.
To the anxious young widow, working desperately with her needle to support and educate four children, the offer was not to be refused. Of the three boys and one girl, she selected the girl; either because it seemed to her that boys could make their way in the world while a girl needed the advantages of easy living, or because, as my mother always believed, she cared for the boys more. My mother left Jersey and came to the North of England to a strange home. I think the resentment she felt, the deep hurt at being unwanted, coloured her att.i.tude to life. It made her distrustful of herself and suspicious of people's affection. Her aunt was a kindly woman, good-humoured and generous, but she was imperceptive of a child's feelings. My mother had all the so-called advantages of a comfortable home and a good educationwhat she lost and what nothing could replace was the carefree life with her brothers in her own home. her own home.
Quite often I have seen in correspondence columns enquiries from anxious parents asking if they ought to let a child go to others because of 'the advantages she will have which I cannot providesuch as a first-cla.s.s education'. I always long to cry out: Don't let the child go. Her own home, her own people, love, and the security of belongingwhat does the best education in the world mean against that?
My mother was deeply miserable in her new life. She cried herself to sleep every night, grew thin and pale, and at last became so ill that her aunt called in a doctor. He was an elderly, experienced man, and after talking to the little girl he went to her aunt and said: 'The child's homesick.'
Her aunt was astonished and unbelieving. 'Oh no,' she said. 'That couldn't possibly be so. Clara's a good quiet child, she never gives any trouble, and she's quite happy.' But the old doctor went back to the child and talked to her again. She had brothers, hadn't she? How many?
What were their names? And presently the child broke down in a storm of weeping, and the whole story came out.
Bringing out the trouble eased the strain, but the feeling always remained of 'not being wanted'. I think she held it against my grandmother until her dying day. She became very attached to her American 'uncle'. He was a sick man by then, but he was fond of quiet little Clara and she used to come and read to him from her favourite book, The King of the Golden River. The King of the Golden River. But the real solace in her life were the periodical visits of her aunt's stepsonFred Millerher so-called 'Cousin Fred'. But the real solace in her life were the periodical visits of her aunt's stepsonFred Millerher so-called 'Cousin Fred'.
He was then about twenty and he was always extra kind to his little 'cousin'. One day, when she was about eleven, he said to his stepmother: 'What lovely eyes Clara has got!'
Clara, who had always thought of herself as terribly plain, went upstairs and peered at herself in her aunt's large dressing-table mirror.
Perhaps her eyes were were rather nice...She felt immeasurably cheered. rather nice...She felt immeasurably cheered.
From then on, her heart was given irrevocably to Fred.
Over in America an old family friend said to the gay young man, 'Freddie, one day you will marry that little English cousin of yours.'
Astonished, he replied, 'Clara? She's only a child.'
But he always had a special feeling for the adoring child. He kept her childish letters and the poems she wrote him, and after a long series of flirtations with social beauties and witty girls in New York (among them Jenny Jerome, afterwards Lady Randolph Churchill) he went home to England to ask the quiet little cousin to be his wife.
It is typical of my mother that she refused him firmly.
'Why?' I once asked her.
'Because I was dumpy,' she replied.